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[Moonshine54]

 
I have really struggled with my hormones over the hoilday weekend.  I have just had words with my hubby. He knows i am struggling but doesnt offer support. I have made dinner and again done most household jobs.  He said i have been in a bad mood most of the day and have taken it out on him.
I just feel so upset 😡 angry and unsupported.  I told him that he is very selfish. He just put his ear phones on . I just feel so dismissed.  I know its probably my hormones but I dont feel supported. He has eaten a full dinner and never offered to even make me a cup of tea.  sorry for the rant xx

[Cara999]

My husband can be the same re household chores and making dinner!! Unless I ask him to do something he doesn't and at times it makes my blood boil. Luckily for me he always manages to make me laugh, even when I don't want too. So your not alone 🥰 xx

[CLKD]

U rant away!  Have U printed off 'advice for husbands' from the Forum to hand over.    Some simply don't realise how hormones may impact on every1!  It's not something we can snap out of.

MayB you need to sit down and sort out a rota.  After all, if he lived alone ...........  does he nag if chores get left?  Mine wouldn't dare!  He's quite capable of picking up [and does, often] cleaning kit etc..  He avoids the dishwasher and laundry room but if push came to shove ;-).

[jaypo]

Aww that's ok,rant away.
I think it can be difficult for our husbands too,we turn into theses snarling humans when we used to have no cares in the world BUT like when pregnant,the hormones are to blame. My OH doesn't cook or do dishes but he does work hard and does tons of diy round the house so I can't complain.
Would your hubby read the advice for husbands thread? Maybe reading about it might sink in more than you trying to tell him.

[SarahT]

It may not help you really Moonshine, but I understand all that you strive to do and personally, in a way I do appreciate you!

Hormones have a massive impact on some of our lives, a mad rollercoaster, up and down all over the place. It is hard for us going through it to grasp it, let alone for those around us. Well done for saying to your husband how you feel. Are you on hrt or any other regime to help you?

I have just replied to someone else here that it really is ok to take a bit of time out for yourself. You need it.

Whilst I can't really offer much real help I am sure someone will be along with advice. Please rant away.  Fair to say I do my own share  of ranting and reaching out for support on this forum.

Sending you a hug Moonshine.

[Moonshine54]

Thank you for all the kind words.  I have been well for such along time that it has come as a shock to both us.. I am mirena coil and 75 evorel parches . It has worked well for me and i haven't had a period or symptoms since last July.  I went on a long haul flight recently and suffeted jet lag. I am sure it has kick started  something. I have horrendous PMT. It woukd just be nice to be appreciated for him that i try to carry on a d get things done. I amsure he would take to his bed for a month . Thankyou again you are all really kind xx

[Fizwhizz]

Sending a hug. I’m a hormonal mess at the moment and when we feel this way things can quickly mount up and overwhelm us. I’m finding the basics of keeping a house running difficult and feeling unsupported too. Rant as much as you need to. We hear you and we understand what you’re going through.

[EllieJ]

I can sympathise! Even when we know deep down it’s the hormones making us so down sometimes, it would be nice if they could understand us a little more. My hubby and kids both automatically tell me I’m being unreasonable/paranoid when I try to explain why I’m upset about something - even when I feel like I’ve got every reason to act the way I am.

[DottyD68]

Hi Moonshine54,

Sorry to hear you feel so bad today. It can feel that Men are literally from Mars especially at this time of our lives. I also think society and social media puts a lot of (subliminal) pressure on all of us to be living our best lives on bank holidays and special days e.g. Mother's Day and generally that is not the reality of life - someone has to wash the dishes.

I expect your husband loves you deeply but doesn't really know how to handle things at the moment, hence the headphones (going into his cave). Like the others have said the advice for husbands is very helpful - I read it out to mine a few years ago and since then he does appear to try to understand when I have my (many) moments of not feeling/behaving "normal" even if he does look a bit blank at times. I think it must be really hard for them seeing us behave/feel differently and they don't know how to deal with it anymore than we do (Not that that is an excuse for them). My husband gets upset because he feels he can't do anything to fix things.

Hopefully when you are feeling a bit better you can get a moment to explain to him how you are feeling and he will start to understand how overwhelming this phase is and you need him and his support more than ever.

Sending you Very best wishes and support X

[jaypo]

Sometimes we don't even know how we are acting,I've just realised my hormones are on the move again and this morning my OH said....are you ok? You haven't been the happiest these last two days 🙀 I just wasn't aware I was showing anything outwardly. Sadly for some,the meno eats up who we used to be,I know it has for me and I miss the old me,I'm sure my OH does too 

[CLKD]

That's lovely Dotty 

jaypo - he needs a hug ;-). Mine always knew when a period was due even when I had forgotten 

[Ayesha]

It sounds to me you have been too good a wife and now its your turn to have some attention its not there for you.
It's the aging process, a phase we go through and with that we need to change the way we used to do things.

Our life has changed a lot as we have aged, I continue to do all the cooking, the washing, light dusting but my husband does most of the heavy work like hoovering, digging the garden, diy, all things I find difficult to do now.

Its all about compromise and helping each other out as we go on this bumpy journey called old age!   

[Pippa52]

Totally know where you are coming from.  I don't think a lot of men have a clue just how rotten hormones and also lack of hormones etc can make us feel not to mention lack of sleep etc.  Look after you and put yourself first sometimes --- its not selfish it's caring for yourself.  Lack of support is really hard to deal with when you are feeling rough.  Sending hugs and empathy xx

[Moonshine54]

Thank you so much for lovely words and i agree they are definitely from another planet. He hasnt spoken to me today and has told me i was terrible last night.  I guess its a work in progress. I wish he would even look into things or read up the menopause. Thankyou again it means alot xx


quote author=DottyD68 link=topic=65711.msg903238#msg903238 date=1681165761]
Hi Moonshine54,

Sorry to hear you feel so bad today. It can feel that Men are literally from Mars especially at this time of our lives. I also think society and social media puts a lot of (subliminal) pressure on all of us to be living our best lives on bank holidays and special days e.g. Mother's Day and generally that is not the reality of life - someone has to wash the dishes.

I expect your husband loves you deeply but doesn't really know how to handle things at the moment, hence the headphones (going into his cave). Like the others have said the advice for husbands is very helpful - I read it out to mine a few years ago and since then he does appear to try to understand when I have my (many) moments of not feeling/behaving "normal" even if he does look a bit blank at times. I think it must be really hard for them seeing us behave/feel differently and they don't know how to deal with it anymore than we do (Not that that is an excuse for them). My husband gets upset because he feels he can't do anything to fix things.

Hopefully when you are feeling a bit better you can get a moment to explain to him how you are feeling and he will start to understand how overwhelming this phase is and you need him and his support more than ever.

Sending you Very best wishes and support X
[/quote]

[Moonshine54]

[Aww bless you ...sending a hug back xxx

quote author=Fizwhizz link=topic=65711.msg903231#msg903231 date=1681157549]
Sending a hug. I’m a hormonal mess at the moment and when we feel this way things can quickly mount up and overwhelm us. I’m finding the basics of keeping a house running difficult and feeling unsupported too. Rant as much as you need to. We hear you and we understand what you’re going through.
[/quote]