Breathe.
I too found my anxiety super heightened when I first started taking it. Maybe even had my first panic attack. You will be okay.
What is happening, is that you are now, quickly keeping the seratonin around/maybe making more (which is made in the gut, which is why you may have upset or diarrhea). BUT it takes a few weeks for your brain’s receptors to change to accommodate this higher amount of seratonin. Essentially, it can get worse before it gets better. Maybe not for everyone, but I can attest that I had diarrhea and insomnia and was freaking out to start, and somewhere between 3-4 weeks I noticed a better separation of thought and reaction. Things that would normally get me upset still triggered me, but I had the arm’s length to see that and use my tools to cope, rather than having the upset right on top of me (if that makes sense).
Good for you for taking this step!
As for going off it, I have done that a few times and I have kept returning, sometimes after a short time and sometimes after months. I like myself better on it. I’m a more patient mom, employee, and partner.
Just 3 days ago, I reduced my long-standing dose of 75mg to 50mg and so far so good. I had been feeling agitated, on edge, and moody, which I had chalked up to HRT for a long time. It dawned on me that perhaps I may be able to moderately reduce my dosage if the HRT is appropriate; maybe my on-edge feeling was similar to that initial freaking out feeling. Time will tell. But I will not hesitate to return to the 75mg if it feels right. No sense in being under treated.
Good luck. You got this. BREATHE.