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Author Topic: Why are we so hard on ourselves  (Read 952 times)

Baby

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Why are we so hard on ourselves
« on: September 10, 2020, 05:13:55 PM »

Why are we so hard on ourselves as women. Just wanted your opinions on this as I have so much guilt because I cant cope with things as I used to.i know it's not my fault I am going through an awful time yet I am so hard on myself. I feel guilty about not being the person i used to be. I feel guilty about sitting down in the afternoon if i haven't done everything i meant to etc.x
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CLKD

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2020, 05:55:40 PM »

I have guilt about my pets - for various reasons.  Things that happened towards the end of their lives that I can't alter but which I should have tackled a lot better.  I was SO tired  :-\

I have been asked about feeling guilty because Mum is in Care.  Well nope.  She made her choice [phew] and at 93, she is a Big Girl now and can make her decisions.  She tried to guilt trip me but as I grew older I could see how she was 'working'.

I'm not guilty either about not contacting my sister unless necessary.  In order to help my mental health and keep my marriage, I have stepped back from a lot of people. 

Could you write a letter about your guilty feelings ........ put into an envelope but don't post it?  Read it back in 3 months' time?
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Butterfly22

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2020, 08:41:45 PM »

I feel a bit like this, like i dont make the most of life but i cant as dont have the energy etc. I feel very guilty ive not done as much as others have with their children but since having my daughter my health problems started sonher whole life ive been like this, half there as a mum. Xx
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CLKD

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2020, 07:07:06 AM »

Children are resilient.  They need kindness, warmth, food in their bellies and toys to keep them occupied.  It isn't up to parents to make them happy every moment of the day.  Children need to learn to be self sufficient and use their imaginations in play.  My Dad worked and Mum kept house, getting on with chores whilst cooking etc. but she was always within sight to talk to us. 

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Butterfly22

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2020, 01:00:18 PM »

Children are resilient.  They need kindness, warmth, food in their bellies and toys to keep them occupied.  It isn't up to parents to make them happy every moment of the day.  Children need to learn to be self sufficient and use their imaginations in play.  My Dad worked and Mum kept house, getting on with chores whilst cooking etc. but she was always within sight to talk to us.
Very true, it has learnt her bordom which ive read is something kids dont learn these days. And important so they can learn to occupy themselves. I guess i was always there if needed, i was a single parent but always took her to school and picked her up and had her tea on the table x
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CLKD

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2020, 01:28:47 PM »

As did my Mum.  We played outside: sand pits, scooters, cycles, skipping and dolls.  When it was wet Mum would get an old blanket and cover the table = tent.  We had fuzzy felts.  Magic painting books. 

Guilt arrived with me much later  :-\.  DH tells me 'it is what it is' ........
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Butterfly22

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Re: Why are we so hard on ourselves
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2020, 01:45:12 PM »

As did my Mum.  We played outside: sand pits, scooters, cycles, skipping and dolls.  When it was wet Mum would get an old blanket and cover the table = tent.  We had fuzzy felts.  Magic painting books. 

Guilt arrived with me much later  :-\.  DH tells me 'it is what it is' ........

😔xx
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