Hi TC
Thank you so much for your kind reply, it made me cry, I never feel like I derserve kindness.
The wind seems to have settled down, and I just feel a little uncomfortable at times. a sort of full pressure feeling. My bowels still seem a bit weird, and the looser bowel movements still seem to dominate, which is why I was referred in the first place. I felt so relieved when the colonoscopy came back clear for tumours, but then I went to the GP (just for a repeat HRT prescription), and I foolishly asked him if you can develop IBS as you get older.
His reply freaked me out, because even though he knows I've had a clear colonoscopy, he said "well, we can't just assume its IBS, and we need to consider serious possibilities". He then asked me if my smears were up to date. So,as much as I'm trying to cling on, I'm being drawn into a vortex of the HA hell again. (My smears are up to date, but as I am now on the 5 year track, its been 4 years, and I have had some post meno bleeding. When I went to have my hysteroscopy, the Dr told me she is a colcoscopist (?), and she would know by looking at my cervix if it was not healthy, but HA keeps whispering in my ear.."what if she just said that, or she is missing something). Or maybe its stomach cancer?
I wanted to post on the anxiety support forum, but was worried that as I have been absent, I wouldn't be welcome back there. I do read it, and quietly cheer you all on from the wings.
I just don't want to go back to the HA torture, and feel like I just want to throw in the towel now, I'm running out of fight. Sorry, I know that sounds pathetic
Jeepers xx