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[Mindfulmoomins]

Hello everyone,

I was just thinking about how things are with me at the moment and how I would like them to be. I am hoping that by writing them down I will be able to let them go so they can magically come true 😉. I'd love to hear how you are today and where you'd love to be in 3 months time.

I am currently feeling ok for two weeks of the month but things start to change after ovulation and I just don't feel ‘right'. I'm not unhappy exactly but I can almost taste the ease of happiness I felt before peri started and I long for it. I worked hard for it and it's out of my reach and nothing I do (meditation, exercise, seeing friends) seems to help much. I grieve for it still and get upset at how much strange I can feel with peri (up/down/anxious/confident/loving/irritable/not ‘me' all without external factors causing these feelings).

When I look back to this time last year I am so so grateful. You all helped me so much. I was depressed, anxious and never thought I'd get back to work and some sort of normality again. I had tried Evorel Sequi and felt great then awful on it.

Four pumps of Estrogel, two antidepressants (one was added to what I had been on for many years) 100 mg Utrogestan vaginally 7 days a month (too little I know but I just cannot take it for longer without feeling so awful I don't think I could function) and counselling helped me and slowly I climbed out of the hormonal hole.

My greatest hope is that I can continue to work, love my husband and daughter and survive this period in my life and come out the other side wiser and happier. A big hope perhaps! ☺️

In 3 months I would love to be out of the winter gloom, on testosterone (I have a meno clinic appt in Jan where I am hoping it will be prescribed) and thinking about going on holiday (if we can afford it). I would like to have some acceptance about this experience and stop obsessing about when it is going to end!

How are things for you and where would you like to be in a few months?

With much love, MM xxx

[Woodlands]

Hi MM
Sounds as though your have made great steps and progress in this last year and that's down to support, meds and your own self.
Continue honey. I have had a very very hard almost five years losing a son to suicide four years ago too. My moto is look at what you want to achieve then take smaller steps to reach it, life for living dreams and adventures.
Best wishes
Woodlands xx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hello Woodlands,

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your son. I can't imagine how painful that must have been.

It sounds like you have a resilience and an ability to keep going and living life. I am inspired.

With much love and thank you for your kind words. They help. Xxx

[Charys]

My greatest hope is that I can continue to work, love my husband and daughter and survive this period in my life and come out the other side wiser and happier. A big hope perhaps! ☺️

In 3 months I would love to be out of the winter gloom, on testosterone (I have a meno clinic appt in Jan where I am hoping it will be prescribed) and thinking about going on holiday (if we can afford it). I would like to have some acceptance about this experience and stop obsessing about when it is going to end!

How are things for you and where would you like to be in a few months?

I'd like to be with you, on holiday, cos that sounds great LOL ! ....but seriously....I think this sums things up for me. I'd like to 'survive', 'have acceptance' and not be on this roller coaster of misery that it feels like now.

[jaypo]

Hi MM
Sounds as though your have made great steps and progress in this last year and that's down to support, meds and your own self.
Continue honey. I have had a very very hard almost five years losing a son to suicide four years ago too. My moto is look at what you want to achieve then take smaller steps to reach it, life for living dreams and adventures.
Best wishes
Woodlands xx
So so sorry woodlands,helps put things in perspective for me.My husbands half brother and also his dad committed suicide,it's something you can never imagine happening in your own family.
I'm not so bad as some of you on here,don't take anything for menopause bar a million vitamins, I had a horrendous time with health anxiety a month or so back & had no idea who I was but I'm ok just now & take each day as it comes but enjoy every minute whilst it's good.3 months time?health and happiness xx
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[racjen]

Hi MM, I'm cheered up a bit by your account of things improving since last year, cos I sorely need some hope that things will improve.

Right now I'm pretty near rock bottom - over the last 2 years, since sudden chemotherapy menopause, I've gone from being a confident outgoing creative person to a nervous wreck, suffering from acute morning anxiety, withdrawing more and more from the world as it all feels increasingly scary and too much pressure, and getting more and more depressed as a result. I can't take anti-depressants or any other anti-anxiety drugs (super-sensitive), so I'm stuck trying to cope when every day feels like a nightmare and I just desperately want an approximation of my old self back.

So far hormonal treatments aren't helping - I've been on Evorel 100 for about a year, plus like you trying and failing to get through Utrogestan 8 - 10 days a month. The specialist I saw a few weeks ago recommended upping the estrogen to 150 and then 200, and ditching the progesterone altogether, so that we can see whether that's what's causing the problem and if it is then it may be hysterectomy time.

In 3 months I think I'd just like to feel like I was making some progress, that a solution was out there that would give me at least some of my quality of life back, even if not back to the way I used to be. That I could think about going out without immediately getting that scrunch of fear in my stomach, that I could wake up each morning knowing that I'm not going to feel this bad forever. And that I could remember what it feels like to be happy every now and then, even if just for a few fleeting moments.

[Droopeydrawers]

Hi racjen I've completely stopped hrt after over 12 months of trying every pill patch gel and spray going.i was ok the first couple of months and swore by it then the side effects kicked in and no matter what I did it got unbearable.it seemed to cause issues in every part of my body and i found it hard to accept that what I thought was my saviour was actually my worst bloody nightmare.
I feel absolutely great now and each day im getting stronger and no longer dread the quiet nights when I'm awake with anxiety over nothing.
I'd say accept that hrt is not for everyone and keep researching and learning from every source you can and be very open minded in your journey and bear in mind it can change for the better just as quickly as it started.dont let it overwhelm you ask for help question everything and go with your gut instincts.forget about 3 months down the line focus on here and now and make things happen now.DD😘

[Charys]

Droopey, I felt quite uplifted by your post. As someone who isn't able to have HRT I view it as the 'paradise I am barred from', and so hearing that it might not be all its cracked up to be has helped me. You are right, things can change and quickly for the better. 

[Mindfulmoomins]

Racjen, I remember you and your story well and think of you often. I hope there is some solution for you soon. You have done so well surviving this so far.

Droopey, that is so uplifting to hear you are getting stronger and are off HRT. You are so right too about focusing on the here and now. Most of the time I do that as it's the only way.

Xx

[Droopeydrawers]

😘😘DD