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[Dancinggirl]

Yesterday, my husband, son and I went for a lovely walk on the beach with our dog; we live in a seaside village and the weather yesterday was truly beautiful.  As we walked up the street back to our house my friend and her daughter drove past us waving madly. They didn't stop, as I later found out they were on their way up to the Marsden so the treatment could begin.   Apparently, before leaving the village to go up to Surrey, they had driven down to the beach "to wave goodbye to the sea”. When I got the text with this phrase, “ to wave goodbye to the sea”,  I crumpled and the tears have kept coming since then.  This poor twenty one year girl has been told that they will be giving her ‘life threatening' treatment so she is facing an awful battle and there is absolutely no guarantee the treatment will be effective.   I first met her when she was just 14 and I helped her with staging and singing a song she was performing in the local pantomime, her mother was directing the show. She is a delightful, gentle and intelligent girl. The unfairness of this makes me so angry and the fact that she has been asking doctors for help for over year with non of them truly listening makes me want to scream. I know there are many ladies out there who know what I mean about doctors “not listening”.
I keep thinking, why are they trying to treat her if there is unlikely to be any good outcome? Why not let her have some quality of life while she can - apparently, since they cut out all the cancer in her bowel she has felt better than she has for a very long time. Modern medicine demands they treat regardless of whether they can save a patient or not but surely they should lay out the options more clearly and not push treatment? 
I have another friend who developed breast cancer despite having a double mastectomy to prevent this (she had the BC gene) - apparently there was only a 5% chance she would develop the BC after the mastectomy, so she has been very unlucky.  Her cancer is very aggressive, it didn't respond to chemo, so they operated and did radiotherapy - so she has been through the mill and though she is looking quite well she is not out of the woods.  I saw her a couple of weeks ago and the doctors want her on an oral chemo therapy drug permanently which she has tried but it made her feel dreadful.  She has decided to not take this drug - she wants a big Christmas with all her family and to go on holidays with her husband - she doesn't want to be an invalid feeling horribly sick all the time. She said it will be a battle to go against what the doctors want her to do but she is a strong lady and I respect her decision to say “enough is enough” - quality of life is very, very important.

I'm not saying this lovely twenty one year old girl shouldn't give treatment a go but I do so hope her doctors take 'quality of life' into account.  I am not religious but I am praying very hard for her right now. DG x

[CLKD]

I dread chemotherapy side effects.  So opted not to undergo chemo should it have been necessary.  The Tamoxifen was bad enough.

Trouble with the medical profession they swear an oath to treat.  So quality of Life is rarely considered.  When my dog underwent chemotherapy our Vet said that it is unethical to make a pet feel worse ....... also, there are schools of thought that humans would benefit for a lighter dose and longer therapy with gaps, but because it is known that certain doses work for certain diseases, no one has yet been brave enough to offer this idea up.

At her age she's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.  But I would prefer the sea 

Did they find somewhere to stay?  You cry.  Tears can be healing 

[Dancinggirl]

My friend and her daughter are staying in a Holiday Inn for now!!!  Apparently there is a real shortage of accommodation near the hospital  - there is so much demand!  My friend is a very resourceful lady, so I'm sure they will find a flat or somewhere more suitable to stay for the longer term - I've passed on all the ideas your ladies have offered.

The best thing about the village we live in is the incredible way everyone supports one another.  Unfortunately my friend didn't find the staff, or the atmosphere generally, at the Marsden that good when they went for the appointment last week - I know it's a centre of excellence but it is so important to feel cared for in their situation. 

I'll feeling so, so sad.  DG xxx

[JaneinPen]

Oh DG I felt so sad reading your post. I feel especially sorry for the young lady and her mum and really do hope that their experience gets better at the R.M and that they find somewhere restful to stay too.  Keep us posted and you look after yourself too as this has been a big blow to you as well

[CLKD]

Send a text explaining that they don't need to feel rushed into any decisions!  This young lady has a probably terminal illness and the treatment may well be on a guinea pig basis ........ so at her age, I would wonder who is pushing for treatment?  Does she feel obliged to have it to keep her Mum happy?  Does the Mum think it's worth the awfulness?

 

[Ladybt28]

It's just so difficult to know what to do in these situations and I've been there twice with family.  I'm of the opinion that the older the person then intervention is not necessarily welcome at any cost.  With one so young that's a real toughie!  Everyone feels they have to "try" I think, when a young person has their whole life ahead of them, but at the end of the day it is the patients choice and although they may feel under pressure from relatives it must be hard not to be sucked into "there maybe hope - how do you know if you don't try" scenario.  On the other hand, doctors do have to try experimental treatment on specific cases otherwise they will never learn how to help anyone.  There is no real win in this situation unless everything is an unmitigated success because the process is beyond what anyone should have to endure all round.

My heart goes out to them all, it is heartbreaking, stressful and takes people to the edge of their limits, both the patient and those having to watch and feeling so helpless at the same time.

[groundhog]

Oh Dancing Girl I felt so sad reading your post, life is just so so cruel.
My heart goes out to them xxx

[Dancinggirl]

Thank you ladies for your kind thoughts and comments.
I doubt this young girl is being pressurised over treatment - I think it is the doctors who are struggling about the best course of action. Of course she should try whatever they offer - at this stage she has more to gain than loose I'm sure.
I think it has hit me hard because I've had the nasty cold virus that is going round and feeling low in myself. I haven't gone near my friend and her daughter because I've been unwell - I now it is very important she doesn't get any viruses right now - but the only time I saw her following her bowel operation, she just looked so fragile.
I am just so thankful my son and daughter are fit and well - I can imagine how awful my friend must be feeling. DG x

[CLKD]

We have a virus too ............ nearly 3 weeks in and still trying to shake it off