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[jessieblue]

racjen, I have just caught up with these latest posts.  I am so sorry you are in this terrible place at the moment.  I completely understand your desperation.  I wish I had something to say to help you....but as you can see I know bugger all about recovering so far so Im not great for information but I am good at holding hands.  Please chat to us or pm me.  I am on facebook too if you prefer to use fb messenger.....It is so hard and the whole medication trialling terrifies me too.  I have so far refused ads.  My gut tells me they are not the answer, but what do I know??  I have read some book....well listened to audiobooks actually that although havent cured me have brought me immense comfort and helped me to cope in the past.  I dont know if you have read any Claire Weekes books??  I find her so soothing and what she says makes perfect sense.  I think her first book is hope and help for your nerves.  Also Eckhart tolle.....he is a longterm guest on Oprah....I love oprah!  He has some books and videos on youtube about living more in the moment.  Hes a spiritual teacher and I find him so comforting.  I have his audiobook the power of now and I listen to it at night when i cannot sleep and am terrorised by my thoughts and symptoms.  Also a book called frazzled by ruby wax is very good.  I find doing some hypnosis downloads or headspace meditation app help me too.  Its not much but at the really bad times these things bring me back to the present and give me a little peace.  Peace of mind is everything to me now.  I have no other ambition in life but to have peace.  Please keep talking and take comfort in all these wonderful women that are walking alongside you on this painful journey.  You are not alone. xxx

[4meSons]

Pregablin is not at all like sertraline. They tried me on it after citilopram and I had to have crisis team intervention as I felt suicidal and severely agitated so was taken straight off it. The pregablin chills you out I remember after my first one I felt so relaxed and dare I say slightly stoned but much more preferable than an anxious mess. I found propanolol increased my depression too so I was took off it but I've recently restarted it but I'm keeping an eye out for its return x

[racjen]

CLKD, I have been seen by a psychiatristwith the Crisis Team - he first tried to persuade me to try yet another AD when I've already had major reactions to 7 others, then prescribed pregabalin without any warning that it too can cause suicidal ideation. Not very impressed with the medical profession right now.

[sweettooth]

Racjen have you tried all the SNRIs? I cannot tolerate SSRIs Prozac etc made me even worse than I was when I started peri.  My symptoms extreme anxiety and mood swings then I was given Effexor 75mg which really worked and with very little side effects....its just a thought but you may have already tried SNRIs and I understand we are all different! X

[racjen]

I've tried SSRIs, SNRIs, NRIs, trycyclics, tetracyclics, beta-blockers also made me depressed...need I go on? I'm sure there are many more I could try, but I just can't go on doing this, each time it happens it feels like my brain has been assaulted and it takes days, if not weeks, to recover both physically and emotionally.

[CLKD]

You know your brain the best racjen ........ !  Maybe relaxation therapy or yoga as a starter, the trouble was I couldn't find time to practice  .  A good routine if possible, also I found making lists each evening and ticking off chores, showed me exactly what I achieved each day.  It helped ease my mind into that I wasn't actually being lazy.  Yoga gives the person time to engage the brain in nowt at all, allowing the body to 'breath' and begin to heal. 

Professionals seem to go through all that is available by rote, often not listening to what the suffered is trying to tell them.  I want to be treated like an individual, don't you?   

It makes 1 scared to try anything, 'in case'.  For me it was constant nausea until my GP found something in 1989 that didn't make me feel sick.  PHEW! 

Has your psychiastrist suggested any brain scans to see what is actually going on 'in there', there's a new train of thought that pain relief might work to ease any upset in the brain.  It was in the Press last week but I haven't yet read what is intended, other than it's to be trialled in the UK.

[Mindfulmoomins]

Hi, just wondering how people are today?

I am feeling quite a bit better although I am reluctant to mention it as it's early days. Things can change so much with hormones, mood and anxiety and I know that it will take time to truly recover from the past few months of horrendous anxiety and low mood.

It is also so hard at this stage to work out what is helping. The oestrogen, the counselling, the fact I feel I might be able to return gently to work, the iron tablets, the mirtazapine, the fact I got my period last week and it felt like the clouds parted or the galvinised Maca powder (yes, really - I've pretty much thrown everything at this!).

I am wondering how you are Racjen, Jessieblue and anyone else struggling at this complex and confusing time. Please know you are not alone.

Xxx

[Bring me Sunshine]

Hi Mindfulmoomins

I am so very pleased to hear that you have started to feel a bit better, that is encouraging to hear after how difficult it has all been.

You do eventually come out of the bad times but it is so impossible to believe that when you are right in the middle of "hell".

Just keep going as you are and don't plan too much ahead enjoy the feeling better feeling and do not rush back to work however gently until you are properly better.

Well Done xx

[CLKD]

Even though I know what causes the depression, anxiety etc., when it hits no amount of knowledge takes away the physicality of it all  which is why the emergency med is for me, essential.

[aspie65]

I agree totally CLKD.  Having a bad day today after a really good week.  I cannot do this without medicinal aid!

[CLKD]

I thought that I was the only 1 who has to resort to a 'pill' .......... at least I know that it takes between 20-45 mins. to kick in, PHEW!

[4meSons]

I have to resort for a pill too CLKD if it gets too much, but have to try ration them cos getting a prescription refilled is like trying to find the holy grail x

[racjen]

Hello all,

well I ended up rejecting the pregabalin option - just don't feel my brain can cope with any more interference right now, and I do feel after 7 attempts at ADs the likelihood is I'll react similarly to pregabalin (and my local pharmacist agreed). So I've been signed off by the Crisis Team, have been referred to the Depression and Anxiety Service and am coping on diazepam 3 times a day. Coping is the word really - very  very up and down, still crying daily and wondering if I'll ever get my life back. I've just started again with testosterone - last time my estrogen level was still on the floor so it was unsuccessful, but I'm really hoping that now my estrogen level is looking good it'll help with mood and anxiety. Was having an extended break from utrogestan, but have just started bleeding spontaneously so I suspect I'm going to have to brave that again. So tbh I'm still in the thick of it . Glad you're feeling some improvement Mindfulmoonins xxx

[Mindfulmoomins]

Racjen, it's so hard isn't it trying different things and hoping they help. I have heard testosterone can make a real difference but can take quite a few weeks to work. Fingers crossed for you.

I have been on a months break from utrogestan too. Back on it soon too so I will be with you on that one.

Take care, love and hugs to you xxxx

[CLKD]

I think you are listening to your body racjen.  It's there if you want it!  Do you keep a mood/food/diary? I may of course have asked B4  but of course, menobrain .......

How long will you have to wait for the Anxiety Service?  Do you have a MIND group close by for support? 

Does the Valium take the edge of symptoms and how long B4 it kicks in?