Sally - welcome to MM
This site should have almost everything you need - so read up all the factual stuff to get clued up. It sounds to me as though you need to see a specialist gynaecologist or Menopause clinic.
Firstly, most oestrogen in the HRTs today are bio identical.
Secondly - don't think of HRT as taking drugs - you are simply replacing what you body would produce naturally to reduce meno symptoms and protect you heart, bones and prevent urogenital problems. You mention that “some people say you can't have HRT with migraine†are these people gynaecologists? Developing headaches and migraine is common as peri meno strikes - HRT could improve this? 5 years of HRT in our 50s protects our heart and bones for the long term.
Three - you could simply use local oestrogen e.g. Vagifem, which is great for taking care of our ‘lady bits' and preventing bladder issues like UTI symptoms. From what you are telling us, I think this is the first thing you should ask for a.s.a.p. - any risks are very, very tiny as the dose is extremely small with little if any systemic absorption - so you should be able to use this with no worries. Do stop taking Antibiotics unless there is actually bacteria present - things will only get worse if you do. Vaginal moisturisers are also crucial e.g SYLK or the YES products. All these things will help maintain a healthy vaginal flora to fight the bacteria and stop infection in the first place.
Four - If you are getting flushes, night sweats etc, then systemic HRT can certainly help - if you truly have a risk of stroke, then you need advice about this - don't listen to gossip from people who don't really know.
Five - with any HRT, finding the right Progesterone is often the stumbling block and there is a bio identical one called Utrogestan. Some women love it and some find it gives more side effects than other less natural progesterones - it's trial and error.
Six - if you have fibroids, the risk of problematic bleeding can increase if HRT is used but the way round this is to have a Mirena fitted. The Mirena will deliver the progesterone where it is needed with minimal absorption systemically(therefore less side effects), offering great protection for the womb (the Mirena will often shrink fibroids), you can use as little or as much oestrogen alongside as you need (as pills, patch or gel ) and after the first few weeks, following the fitting, you shouldn't have to put up with any bleeding!!!
Hope that helps. D G x