Ha Ha
It would be the Columbian!
I had clocked that instant coffee was a bad thing, but one day, when I was visiting a lovely old lady friend for singing practice, she had got out some of this upmarket Columbian stuff, and not knowing her very well at the time, and wanting to be polite, and since there was a bit of a crowd, I accepted, rather than put her out to make tea for me.......
When I got home, I went straight for the downstairs loo - fully dressed
I suppose that ought to count as a third 'disaster'. Since then, I have decided never to touch the Columbian stuff ever again - it was a bit of a joke really
I have a cup of coffee once a week - cafetiere, supermarket Essential blue mountain brand - absolutely lovely. Use twice the coffee and half the water, brew and pour a little into a mug of microwaved milk, with a big spoon of sugar.