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[Stillsearching]

I started work at 16 and worked full time until I was 56 when I gave up to look after elderly parents. Now I find myself weeks away from 60 with no ties and the world should be my oyster. But, where are all the ladies my age? Are they still working or hidden away caring for others which is a full time job? I've looked at the WI and U3A  but I feel about 20 years too young for those. A visit to the leisure centre to investigate classes made me feel about 30 years too old next to all the bright young things. I've visited charity shops looking to volunteer but they are all fully staffed. I enquired about reading to children in the local school but they have sufficient parents doing that. I really don't want to go back to work and am lucky enough not to have to atm but am feeling useless and pointless which is not good alongside menopause is it?

[Ju Ju]

What kind of things do you enjoy doing, skills you have and or want to acquire?

For me, retirement meant I could have singing lessons and I joined a choir called 'Singing for Fun', with the emphasis on fun rather than skill, though we sound better and better as time goes by. I have made friends within the choir, which have proved to be supportive. Drama groups are fun to be part of and you don't need to be an actor as there is great need for back stage members. I have learnt how to apply stage makeup, for example. Lots of friends made here. I volunteer for a charity, where I work with people, but where there is need for administrative members too. Friends made here too as well as new skills learnt and courses to go on.

Lateral thinking needed. Sometimes you can follow one interest and another opportunity opens up, which you never considered before. Just be open to whatever comes along.

[Elizabethrose]

Hi Stillsearching

Have you tried searching online in your local area or maybe in your closest town or city? I don't know what your interests are but galleries and museums hold lectures and tours, and I would say that most participants are people in their 50s and 60s but they have a mix of ages really. What about a local walking group, again you might find info online?

Set up a book club, put a notice up in your local library? I set ours up about 16 years ago, still going strong and I love it!

Have you a local hospital, could you help as a volunteer, maybe reading to people, chatting with patients without visitors etc etc? If the local school doesn't need your help, could you try others that are maybe not so close? Reading mothers are usually in demand as they are never able to get through hearing all of the children read every week without the support of parents. What about applying to be a school governor?

How about setting up your own social group? Put together a flyer and deliver it around your area. The wording could be very like your post here. Once you find interested parties then take it from there with twice a month meets ups to do whatever floats your boats!

As far as health clubs and such, they are often full of yummy mummies but it does depend on when you visit. Local halls are often a good bet for finding relaxed informal exercise classes with a good mix of ages.

A number of friends have started courses; painting, illustration, photography, languages and have met lovely ladies of a like mind. One friend started a ceramics/pottery class and found a completely new friendship group who supported her through a nasty marriage breakup.

Good luck on your quest! x

[Annie0710]

My friends mum works voluntarily at our local hospital doing admin and the depts are all fighting over her !

She loves it and it's all on her terms... days/hours etc

[Salad]

I belong to a 'leisure club/gym' in a local hotel - every day is full of retired women (and a few men) doing a fitness class (Tai Chi, Pilates, body pump/combat/balance, cardio tennis, aqua fit- you name it they offer it). The class is followed by them going into the bar for a drink and a chat. Some go every day, others (like myself) pop in periodically depending on when I'm off work.

My husband just uses the gym and swimming pools rather doing the classes.

The hotel gives out passes for people to try the facilities first so might be worth finding out what's on offer near you.

If you don't fancy keeping fit, what other interests do you have as there is probably a club related to it - walking, knitting, sewing, scrabble? Rock Choir great for singing (takes anybody no auditions  ) day or evening sessions and good for meeting others for meals out etc plus lovely events to attend as part of choir.
Good luck 

[Hurdity]

Not sure about the ladies (I am no lady!!) - I don't think many of these exist any more (always makes me think of the Little Britain transvestites "I am a LADY" , or heavily made-up women in crimplene jumpers, showy fake necklaces and dull below the knee skirts!). Seriously though - most women of that age may well still be working since they won't get their pensions until 66 - or else perhaps an occupational pension at 60 eg I have only just retired and I'm 64 in a few days. However I still do go to fitness classes ( privately run in various towns and villages in this area) and there is a whole range of ages of women who attend. Ditto every activity I have been to or when I've seen volunteers. Does it matter what age women are? Just find an activity you enjoy and friendships will follow. However I do agree nothing would ever induce me to go near a WI - it seems to be for a certain type I feel - no offence to those who enjoy it!

There is an organisation called Meet-up which may well have groups in your area and I think can be organised by interest? Have a Google. Also another called National Women's Register which is an alternative to conventional WI.

What are you interested in? Is money available? In your position with enough money I would travel, go to more music festivals, learn new skills/interests that I had always wanted to do - languages, crafts etc.

In terms of volunteering - there will also be a volunteer bureau or centre in your area where vacancies are advertised - and there is sure to be something that appeals. Some volunteer work involves training. Did you enjoy the caring side of things - there are always vacancies for befrienders eg through Age UK.

Hope this helps and good luck - enjoy this new phase of your life

Hurdity x

[CLKD]

Our Council Offices have a list of volunteering opportunities in our area.
Dog walking or pet sitting - there are several franchises across the UK [Barking Mad for example]
Your Church may need help at 'messy church'
Mum's monthly lunch club needs volunteers to set out tables/chairs and mop up after
Volunteer hospital driver

When Mum left Hospital a few weeks ago someone from Red Cross came to her house - the offer was to take Mum shopping weekly to a supermarket but as Mum gets everything delivered it wasn't necessary for her

In some areas AgeUK have 'sitters' - i.e. they join up people with similar interests, the idea being that someone goes to visit a person who is housebound on a regular basis.  So if a man has been great at fishing then a fisherman is found to go chat for an afternoon.  If a lady likes knitting but can't get out someone with that skill goes along ..... they also have a list of handy 'men' to go odd jobs around peoples' homes/gardens

Many things take regular commitment which would cause me to panic 

[Stillsearching]

Thanks for all the ideas. I am into keeping fit but am now thinking maybe I should look outside of the interests I already have  and try something I know nothing about. I'm another one who won't be getting my pension until 66 and have no other income for the next 6 years so do have to be careful. Any courses I fancy I will have to pay full price for and gym membership is expensive but there are other ideas there worth trying. Thank you.

[Dana]

I could have just about written your post Stillsearching. I also worked from about the age of 16 and gave up work 2 years ago at the age of 56 (I'm now 58) after my parents passed away. I'd been working part time for the final couple of years, so I thought I was prepared for more leisure time, but I was in for a shock. I suffered a lot of depression for the first few months because I really felt lost and isolated.

I also found that I even faced a lot of judgement from people when I said I was “retired”. It was almost as if I had no right to give up work after working hard for 40 years. This was also compounded by the fact that apparently I look a lot younger than 58. I will admit an inheritance from my parents brought forward my retirement plans, and I never had kids, but I had still single handedly paid for my own home and retirement fund. I never had a partner who helped pay for any of those things, so I was really angry that I got this judgement from people. “Retired” is a word I now avoid using because people still have a very old fashioned idea of what it means. They seem to think that retired means retired from life, but it just means retired from work. I'm busier now than I was when I was working.

Anyway, I knew that if my life was to improve it was totally up to me. My local area has a free monthly magazine and there are often things advertised there. The shopping centre has a coffee group that meets once a week and I have met some really lovely ladies that way, and we often do things together separately to the coffee group. We now have our own “Girl's Day Out” once a month where we will go out for lunch in a different area or a day trip somewhere. Some of these ladies are around 10 years older than me, but they are “young at heart” women who don't sit around moaning about their aches and pains, and annoying husbands and kids. I couldn't stand that. Age is just a number. It's the attitude of the person that's more important. A person can be really old at the age of 40. I often get called the “baby”, which is annoying when I'm a pretty old menopausal baby, but it's not said in malice.

I also found that I have a knack for painting, and go to an art class once a week with a local lady who does it from her home, and I've actually gotten quite good at it. For a little while I volunteered for the RSPCA, but I actually found I was too busy to commit to a specific shift every week. I almost felt like it was a bit like having to go to work, so I gave that up. I want to be totally free to do whatever I like, whenever I like

There is an organisation called Meet-up which may well have groups in your area and I think can be organised by interest? Have a Google. 

Meetup.com is a really great option. For a number of years I ran my own group, but I closed it down about a year ago. I am now just a member of a few groups and they are great. There are lots of different groups you can join and the ages are quite variable, so there will be people who are older, younger or similar age to you. If you can't find a group you like, start your own. It's really easy.

So I have now become one of those people I used to hate, who says “I don't know how I had time to go to work”. I'm out most days and I love it. When people ask me what I do, I now say “social butterfly” instead of retired. Sometimes it actually gets a bit too much, but I just factor in a few days to stay at home and do nothing and I'm good to go again.

The main thing is to give yourself time to adapt to your new lifestyle. It might take a little while, but if you keep looking for things to do I'm sure you'll find lots of things to keep you busy.

[Stillsearching]

Thank you Dana.

I also went through depression. Initially I was exhilarated at the thought of freedom but that quickly became "Oh dear what do I do now?" I haven't yet come to terms with not being useful. Is spending the next 20 years just filling my time with social stuff a good way to use my life? I worked in a caring profession while caring for my own children then caring for parents and in-laws so I just haven't got around to caring for myself and maybe I need to be able to make that my current job. Sorry, I just wrote down my own thoughts then as they came in and seem to have potentially answered my own question  Rather than worrying about the next 20 years I'll try to just give some thought about what to do next.

[CLKD]

Make that list!  What hobbies did you enjoy as a teen?  What could you have done but Life got in the way?  Do you have caring skills to share ....... would being a volunteer for CRUSE for example be your 'thing'?  Your hours would be yours to choose. 

Then let us know 

[Dana]

Thank you Dana.

I also went through depression. Initially I was exhilarated at the thought of freedom but that quickly became "Oh dear what do I do now?" I haven't yet come to terms with not being useful. Is spending the next 20 years just filling my time with social stuff a good way to use my life? I worked in a caring profession while caring for my own children then caring for parents and in-laws so I just haven't got around to caring for myself and maybe I need to be able to make that my current job. Sorry, I just wrote down my own thoughts then as they came in and seem to have potentially answered my own question  Rather than worrying about the next 20 years I'll try to just give some thought about what to do next.

It's all about finding what feels right for you though. I've always loved socialising so I don't see it as just filling in time. I love to develop social and friendship networks because that's what you need as you get older. I've done a lot of thinking about other people, and letting them influence my life, and now I just want think about myself.

[Nannyneet]

I'm not retired but one of the replies on here asked what you liked to do as a teen, this is how I have been spending my leisure time over the last year, when I was a teen I loved horse riding so after a gap of 30ish years I decided to go back to it,I go to my local riding school where they have a ladies morning,I have a lesson or go out for a hack then it's followed with coffee and cake😊,I'm 53 the lady that owns the riding school is in her 70s and the girls that takes me out for a hack is 24, so the age range is quite big but I've made friends there and I love it,it really is the highlight of my week,I now help out with the horses on the day I go too,it's definitely worth thinking about what you like to do as a teen 😊

[CLKD]

I loved horses as a child  but was SO stiff after lessens.  Also, horse have big feets  .  Riding for the Disabled springs to mind