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[Sunray47]

Hi, I'm new to this site and do spend a lot of time reading other peoples posts which are a huge help. I think this is a brilliant site.

I would be really grateful if someone could offer me some advice as I'm at my wits end and feel like I am going to pieces.

I am 47 and still getting periods. I had an ablation 5 years ago because of heavy periods. The ablation stopped them completely for 3 years and life was great, but they started up again 2 years ago and were light, but every 28 days. Now they are still light but coming every 21 days.

I get about 5 days a month where I feel like a normal human being! The rest of the time I feel like the walking dead.

Symptoms are:-

Constantly exhausted - although I do sleep very deeply at night and get a good 6 to 8 hours. But I can also sleep for hours in the day if I am home. All I want to do is sleep!

IBS - with terrible bloating and wind pains frequently

Itchy skin and head - I have tried unscented products and checked for nits!

Depression - constant crying over nothing

Anxiety - palpitations, worrying about every single thing I can think of to worry about. Panicking in the supermarket as I feel everyone is watching me, worrying about my family, just imaging the worst all the time.

Loss of interest in sex - feel so old and unattractive and can't be bothered. Feels like what's the point as I look so gross.

No self esteem and confidence -  I work in quite a youth culture where people are mostly young, pretty, outgoing and sporty. The ladies  who are older all seem quite glam and nicely turned out. Where as I turn up every day with crazy hair and a cardigan on! (I do have nice clothes and make up at home but I just can't be bothered).

Also in my last job I was often praised and highly regarded where as in this job no one bothers with me and I feel useless really. But I feel so bad about myself now that despite knowing I am experienced and skilled I don't have the courage to move on to something different as I feel I am too old.

Bad Memory - I can't remember things or feel like I have cotton wool in my head.

Sorry this does sound like poor me, and I feel so guilty moaning on, but it's just how I feel. I don't really have anyone else to talk to as I have no friends my age going through this and my best friend who is my age is male, so he has no idea and thinks I am just an overreacting hormonal woman! Although he doesn't say that to me. I used to confide in my mum but she now had dementia so our relationship isn't the same as it once was and my daughter is wonderful but she's only in her 20s so she doesn't know how I feel and can't relate to it.

The mood swings are really getting me down. I either feel depressed a lot of angry at nothing. Last night I was actually feeling ok and quite cheerful, then I got into bed and read something online in the newspaper about men cheating and out of no where I ended up trying start a fight with my husband and then I wouldn't talk to him. Just because of the article I had read that had nothing to do with him!  Then if that wasn't enough I tried to start a fight over a box of turkish delight he had been given. I tried to make out he had been given it by another woman when I know that's utter rubbish and I had created that idea in my head! I know where it did come from. My behaviour is just completely mad. I spend hours worrying he will cheat or me or leave me because I feel old and past it. He does everything he can to be nice to me and do nice things for me so I have no reason to feel like this. But I find I actually create scenarios in my head of him cheating and then I sulk and take it out on him and he has no idea what he has done wrong because he hasn't done anything wrong, it's all in my head!

I have been to see my GP as I was feeling so awful and last month I ended up taking a week off work sick (which made me popular, not!). I literally spent every day in bed because I felt so exhausted. I've had blood tests and they all came back fine, but the lady GP I saw said she thought I was peri menopausal so she prescribed HRT - Elleste Duet 1 mg. I am meant to take it for 3 months then go back. I haven't started it yet as I am frightened of it. I have read loads about HRT but I don't know whether to take it or not. I went to a natural health clinic also to try and look at alternative things and they told me not to take HRT because of the breast cancer risk, and to try a gluten and dairy free diet instead. I've tried vitamin and evening primrose etc and they don't work on me.

I really do feel like the old me has been replaced by this weird person. If I look in the mirror it's not me looking back. I feel like I am old and past it now so what's the point.

I really would welcome any suggestions or thoughts please. Does anyone recommend the HRT? The only person is my family who has had breast cancer is my aunty on my dad's side. And there's no history of clots or heart problems etc, so should I take it? I know no one can tell me what to do it has to be my decision, but I just really can't think straight these days and want to get back to how I used to feel. I had no idea the start of the menopause would ever be like this. My mother never suffered and sailed through it.

Sorry for the long post and thank you if you took the time to read it  .

[laquesabe]

Hi Sunray. I just read your post and I have similar symptoms. I just said 'sod it' the other day and went to get some HRT patches. I'm on day 4 and last night had flushes about every hour.  I went to this site this morning for some help as i thought the patch would work immediately but realise I have to be a bit more patient.
What I wanted to say to you was to swallow the fear and swallow the pill, literally. Give it a try and try all of the other wellness remedies a try too. Especially diet. I'm vegan, a surf/pilates instructor and bit of a health nut but the menopause has terrifed me. I feel like a blob, insecure and foggy headed. But we musnt give up and we must beat down the fears that stop us from trying different ways of dealing with this awful time in our lives. It is supposed to be a transformative powerful time for us and if hrt helps us experience that then I say yay to that.
I have started a diary since putting the patch on as my memory is so bad. I will stick for a couple of weeks to this patch before I make an assessment. The diary helps and I feel like I am taking some control of my what seems to be out-of-control body. Adjust your diet and take natural supplements and stick with it. That's what I am telling myself and I hope this in some way may have helped you too. Good luck xx

[nearly50]

I would take the HRT if I was in your shoes - there's lots of information out there on the benefits outweighing the risks if you're suffereing. Maybe have a look here to start.

https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/balance.php

[VanessaM]

Hi Sunray

This is my first post here too.  I understand all you are saying.  I am just 50 and my doctor says I am very near to menopause.  I was prescribed bio identical progesterone last November, but only started taking it 3 weeks ago.  So far I cant say that it has helped me any, but perhaps my hormone levels have changed. I think one has to give these things a go and see if things improve.  The side effects (both short and long term) of synthetic HRT is a big no for me, so I have tried the natural approach.

The point is I too have felt really rubbish for the last 6 months or so.  My anxiety comes in the form of imagining I am dying. I have been having headaches and dizziness almost constantly for the last two months.  I have seen 4 different GPS, 2 A&E docs and a physio.  Everyone tells me I have a tension headache.  Now I am feeling sick on and off all day and night and wake up at 3am most nights, sweating and nauseous.  This evening I am going for a private brain MRI as I cant cope with the stress of worrying any more.  Can they all be wrong? I don't recognise the old me any more.  I feel weighed down both mentally and physically, with little interest in anything other than my ailments - are they serious?  Will I die?  How will I cope with waiting for the results?

I have one son who is 15.  I have recurring nightmares that I am too old to have children, and wake up sweating remembering I have a son.

My husband does his best to understand, but he has had his own issues and often finds it hard to give me the constant support I seem to need.  I wish I didn't - I just want to find the old me again, and help support him!

I really can't believe that everything we are all going through can be related to menopause, but the more I read the more I think I have to believe it.  And do you know, I think our mothers did go through similar things.  However, we were all too busy going through puberty to notice it!  And of course there was the "keep calm and carry on" mentality too.

Hang in there and keep talking - I know how you feel, and don't think you are ranting. I know that my friends sometimes avoid me (or maybe that's in my head too) but if you have not experienced anything like this, you cannot hope to understand.

Vanessa



 

[CLKD]

Well girls - why go to a Herbal shop rather than trust your GP?  When you feel better go back to the Herbal shop and ask for the risks relating to breast cancer - they have little knowledge as to what is in the products that they sell nor do they have any idea as to what the NICE latest guidelines to GPs might be 

Everything we do has risks - getting out of bed being the first!  Browse round. Make notes.  Fortunately we are more enlightened in recent years as to possible risks which are now very low.  HRT can take a while to find which one suits, it can also take 3-4 months B4 the lady notices any benefit.  The body doesn't get into peri/menopause overnight so it stands to reason that replacement will take a while to improve symptoms, doesn't it?

Browse round.  Make notes.  Anxiety seems to be a large problem for many ladies.  Headaches, dizziness - if you do a 'search' here you'll find most issues mentioned    - you are entering The Change.

Moan away, there's usually someone here to listen ;-).  No question is taboo nor 'silly'.  If you don't ask you won't get to know what is up/down  .

As oestrogen levels drop then the body may become dry: nostrils, deep in the ears, skin, vagina (the latter needs localised HRT): also the muscles may become lax = aches and pains!  This can be eased by over the counter pain relief, physio., gentle exercise. 

Some ladies find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary useful to chart feelings, also eating little and often can ease anxiety surges.

Let us know how you get on!

[ancient runner]

Mums might or might not have "sailed through" it but they tended to have their kids earlier than we did. So for instance Vanessa is 50 with a 15 year old. He's lovely, I bet, but I'd also bet that Vanessa and her siblings had long left home by the time her mum's hormones started dancing the cha-cha. We're all dealing with much more at the menopause in our generation (jobs, kids still at home and often at challenging ages).
So it might not have been keep calm and carry on, but fewer pressures.
We are so hard on ourselves and for some reason it can be felt as letting the side down if we go for hormones.
Sod that. If you need them, you need them, if only to get you through having kids at home.

 

[CLKD]

I agree, don't forget the caring for the elderly relative too!

Sharing experiences than cherry picking what is appropriate for each one of us and reporting back can be so useful!

[Mumalmighty]

Oh bless you ladies I totally feel for you and am right there with u!  I've found my self esteem going down the pan aswell and having paranoid episodes. In 13 yrs of marriage I've never doubted my hubby (my first one up and left for another women) but I was driving along a road quite near to hubbys work and coming in the opposite direction was wat I thought his car with him driving and a blonde sat at the side of him. My heart was pounding luckily I have a hands free device in my car i rang him that second he answered and I said 'have I just seen you ' he said I hope not I'm sat in my office' I went on to tell him wat I thought i saw he shouted to a colleague to prove he was in the office then proceeded to call me a daft So and so. The relief was unbelievable and all Cos I'm not my usual self and feeling like a fat old pig 😂This shud be on the list of symptoms silly old sod syndrome!! Must say thou it gave me a kick up the bum and I was extra nice to him wen he got in which is difficult at the mo with my raging hormones snapping at the slightest thing.  not making light of it ladies it's all horrendous I know 

[CLKD]

That reminds me of the 1 time I was ever jealous - I felt GREEN with it 

[Mumalmighty]

It did me good I must say. Took my mind off my symptoms for a bit 

[MicheleMaBelle]

Oh you poor souls- you are not mad/ bad - just menopausal and it totally sucks. What you are going through and  have written about is a mirror image of what a lot of us have experienced so chin up and let's get through this together!

I must have spent a small fortune in Holland & Barrett over a year and with limited success. Herbal remedies may work for some but not for me, and as others have said, they too can have side effects.

I am 16 months into my HRT journey with some issues- not had a clued up GP practice so going private and have appointment with consultant on Saturday. I do believe that HRT works , they just haven't found the right combination for me. point is, if you do take it, give it some time to work but if you're not feeling better, get back to the doctor and ask for a different type/ combo as some women can be very sensitive to the progesterone in some of the preparations. I have found out so much from the ladies on the site so I'm sure if you have any further questions or concerns, there will be loads of help and advice.
It's a personal decision to take/ not take HRT, but for me I would rather have a better quality of life now than worry about the extremely small risk associated with taking it and don't forget that it also protects against certain diseases. I think there was an article in the Telegraph from the journalist Christa d'souza whotakes HRT and she had breast cancer before taking it. There's also articles from Carol Voderman and Denise Welch about their horrible menopause and the difference HRT has made. I think these were in the Daily Mail. If you google them you can have a read and it should give you some hope if this is the route you decide to go down. Lastly, give your partners a big hug and tell them you love them. we are so busy being miserable old cows that we sometimes forget that they are as confused as us!  ( hard to imagine, eh? )
Good luck ladies and a big hug from me

[CLKD]

 

[Butterfly22]

Hi so sorry to hear your suffering so bad.
My mum sailed through the menopause at 54 the same time as me I was 25 so I no how you feel saying you feel old and no confidence.
I also got ME the same time so no about tierdness and that brought on depression, as I was so young I had to take HRT but if you found the right one it could help, I also take antidepressants which help, I sometimes feel so low but I keep fighting even though some days I'm so tired.
I also changed my lifestyle, I gave up drink and ciggies 9 years ago and try and eat as clean as possible.
I walk and take in the fresh air when I'm not to tired.
Sleeping I still need to sort as I wake every two hours but least I sleep 😊
Sometimes we need to try new things maybe the first HRT will work maybe it won't but never give up trying.
Here if you need a chat xxx

[Sunray47]

Thank you so much for all the replies and support. It's such a help to hear other ladies experiences and hear from ladies who can relate to how I'm feeling.

I've decided I am going to give the HRT a go, as I really can't stand feeling like this anymore.

I was at work today and I was wondering up the corridor to go to another room to get something, when my mind went blank and I had to go back to my desk as I had completely forgotten what I was meant to be going to get! My memory is just awful these days. I made a cheesecake the other day. I was also making a dish with diced potatoes in it. Went to put the potatoes in the vegetable dish and couldn't find it. It turned up in the fridge as I'd put the cheesecake biscuit base in it instead! I ended up having to scrape the biscuits out and start again using the right dish!

The other day I spent the day getting more and more angry and screwed up because I thought my husband had forgot our wedding anniversary. By the evening there was still no sign of a card so I ended up chucking his card at him and saying grumpily, happy anniversary! He looked very surprised and thanked me for the card and then enlightened me that I had the wrong day!

It's awful going from having been so clued up and with an excellent memory to how I am now. I'm constantly writing little reminder notes.

Thanks again for the replies 

[MicheleMaBelle]

Hi Sunday- keep your ( hopefully hairless ) chin up! Sounds tasty- you should have served it up as was and then declared " well, that's the recipe! "
I made a complete disaster of an anniversary meal the other week ( and I'm generally quite a good cook. And modest too )
The poor soul ate it all up and declared it delicious - I think he was scared to say anything else bless him.
night night- I'm away for a scratch x