Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[may13]

Hello all!
I have just moved house and given up a job to do so, all my children have left home. I haven't had a period for 14 months.I have night sweats' But what worries me so much is how useless and miserable I feel and TEARFUL all the time. I've gone from an active busy bee to a miserable 'can't be bothered' lump! I'm taking multivitamins and hope these might help. I'm not keen on the idea of HRT. My question is, can anyone say how long this miserable, low, tearful time might last?!! Thanks

[dazned]

Hello May13.   

Good to have you join us. I've recently moved house/whole new part of the UK too. Don't underestimate what an upheaval moving,giving up job is,it's bound to throw up all sorts of feelings. First couple of months I was fine,adrenaline rush of getting house/furnishings sorted,then a big crash ! It's been 6months for me and I m still finding my feet,be kind and patient with yourself.

[ancient runner]

Poor you! I think it's horribly common.
Could you think of one thing you'd like to do, just for you, that isn't about house moving and chores? And treat yourself to whatever that is? Regular exercise helps me but I know lots don't fancy it.

[dahliagirl]

Hi - you do seem to have had quite a lot of upheaval going on    That is so much to deal with and you will be out of your routine.

Have you tried vitamin D?  It is the time of year to be short of it, and in my experience being low in it gives you a 'can't be arsed' and low energy feeling.   By the end of March, the sun will be at a better angle for making your own, so make the most of it when it comes    Until then, it is quite alright to take up to 25ug/1000 units every day (and there are lots of schools of thought that say a great deal more) and eat plenty sardines    Takes about 6 weeks to get up to speed.

[Elizabethrose]

Hello may13      

The ladies have given excellent advice but I wanted to also suggest that you try to find a local group or activity to enable you to meet some local people who may have similar interests. Some adult education centres run wonderful courses often at a very reduced rate, churches run social groups, outdoor walking groups allow people to meet in an area and walk together. I live very near the Thames and frequently see groups walking leisurely together, chatting. I overheard a woman introducing herself one day and realised that none of them had known each other. Perhaps an exercise class in a local hall or leisure centre, check out the notice boards at the library, there may be a reading group.

When faced with lots of change we sometimes have to put ourselves out there, which can be really scary but also hugely rewarding. You may discover interests you never knew you had and make new friends in the process!!

I really wish you well, it's hard enough to cope with change without the hormones doing the fandango too. Good luck and remember you've a huge group of friends just here when you want to chat!! x

[Hurdity]

Hi may13

  from me too.

Sorry to hear you are feeling low and miserable. Although you are now officially post-menopausal and your hormones will have stopped surging so wildly (as they do during peri-menopause when ovulation is unpredictable and hormones fluctuate to extreme levels), some women are more affected by low oestrogen than others and can be responsible for low mood in some women. Your hormones levels will still be falling - unless you experience another period which can happen even after 12 months have passed and to some extent depends on your age.

On that note you haven't said how old you are. If you are under the natural average age of menopause of 51/52 then taking HRT is strongly advised to help protect your heart and bones in the future, as well as relieving symptoms such as flushes, sweats and low mood now. Reducing sweats at night is so important so that you can get some sleep and that in itself will help with motivation.

Even if you are above this age, if you are not in any risk category - and not overweight, eat a healthy diet, do not drink too much, don't smoke and take plenty of exercise, then until the age of 60 the current view is that the benefits of HRT are thought to exceed the risks - see the information here: https://menopausematters.co.uk/balance.php

To me that would be the first step to take (see a doctor about HRT if you can) - so that gives you the motivation to go out and make a new life for yourself in whatever way takes your fancy - but you need to feel partially better at least to do so.

It is better to get most of your vitamins and minerals from a varied diet rich in fruit vegetables nuts etc and get out into the sun and fresh air than take lots of supplements -  in addition to diet, a small amount of cod liver oil in winter will give you your Omega 3 and some extra vitamin D.

Do give it some thought (HRT) and if we can help then please ask

Hurdity x

[may13]

Oh my goodness! The first thing that happened when I read your lovely and sensible replies was to have a little cry!!!! of relief really, just to be able to say these things and hear from others makes a difference. i'm 53 and do exercise and eat well, so maybe I just need to give myself time and take vitamin D I do like the sun on my face so I agree  that will help. I phoned my new surgery today and have got myself sorted there, they seemed very happy to make an appointment for talking about menopause. So I will do that.
I have also just googled walking groups in the area as walking and talking sound like a plan.
Thanks dazned re moving house. I think you're right, that in itself is going to take longer than I imagined.
Thanks, all of you x

[dazned]

I naively thought because it's an area that I desperately wanted to move to for years there would be no adjustment time needed !   

No interaction with work colleagues,missing my old friends etc. I know that we will get there,just takes time.

[Dorothy]

I used to be the kind of person who never cried, and once I started peri I was feeling tearful all the time.  Still do get that more than I used to, but I've found it helpful to remind myself that this is just because I'm going through the menopause - funnily enough, reminding myself that the tears aren't 'real' makes me feel less worried about being tearful. 

[CLKD]

I remember when I married, then moved over 300 miles without looking back, walking down the street and not knowing anyone: not having anyone acknowledge me nor friends to nod to across the street.  However, it meant that by moving right away from my history, new friends took me as I am "What you see is what you get". 

Most Councils have volunteer offices where you can be directed to which Charity/group needs help in your area.
Libraries might lead you to groups as would the Church, Chapel, Youth Groups
Riding for the Disabled?  Reading in school for slow learners?  Think what your hobbies are and what your skill base/s can bring to a new situation. 

I've never had problems dropping into a new place.  Probably because I am nosey 

[samweller161]

Sending you a huge hug!

Its commonly said that moving house is one of the most stressful things a person can do - its up there with divorce or something and of course you are at the time in your life when hormones are raging around the place.  Agree with all the ladies have said, is there a U3A around (University of the Third Age) for retired folk.  My mum belongs and I will as soon as I leave work, they have lots of talks and outings etc.  Also Sparkle is right with Vitamin D - between Nov and March apparently we need it a LOT bearing in mind we live in such a gloomy weathered country.

HRT is a life saver for many, it doesn't increase risk of anything nasty (regardless of some of the scary stories online on occasions) so have a chat and try a low dose maybe?  Basically whatever it takes to help you

Good luck

SP x

[may13]

With HRT does it just 'put off' the symptoms. So when you come off it you go through it all again? Am I being really naive ? You're probably all right I need to get out there. I have never been a shrinking violet before so not sure what's happened
 

[samweller161]

Not necessarily - I think it just depends on the individual - Hurdity knows a lot more about this than most.  However, personally, I think if it makes you better in the "here and now", "later" can be worried about later 

Its a long old slog for some unfortunately - good luck

SP x

[dahliagirl]

With hrt you probably will have less hormone than you did before, and later on, there will be fewer fluctuations so it will be less like falling off a cliff.  You can take it gradually too.

Agree, best to sort out the here and now and worry about tomorrow (or the week after) later.

[CLKD]

may13 - stop wondering whether HRT puts off menopause, it's about easing symptoms in the here and now.  Quality of Life?  If you are hungry, do you not eat; if you have a headache, do you not ........ so when hormones cause problems that can take over our Life, why not try HRT?  However, finding a GP that agrees that ladies require it can be difficult!

Browse round.  Make notes. Keep a mood/food/symptom diary for 3 months so that you get a pattern to discuss with your Nurse Practitioner or GP.  Also, vaginal atrophy - of which we have several threads - needs a different delivery of HRT to over-all hormonal upheaval.  It can present with repeated urine-type infections which are often caused by thinning vaginal skin = itchiness, soreness, bladder irritation.