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[Stellajane]

Do you ever sit and wonder how your old age may pan out?  Many of us contribute to the thread about caring for elderly parents and have been/are currently going through this.

I often do my planning in my head that I'd like to move to a retirement flat some time just before OH and I really need to! I definitely don't want a garden, nor do I want to be heating a house that's too big for us, or having to worry about and finance the seemingly endless stream of home maintenance tasks.

Having observed my own relatives, said flat would need to be close to at least one decent food store and doctors surgery, with good public transport facilities, and close to family (who I don't want to feel burdened but we all know there will be times we'll need their support!).

There are a lot of elderly folk living close to us (in their 80s/90s) in really lovely bungalows that many moved into when they retired. However, these places are still too much for them now - gardens too large, hill too steep to manage, bus ride to the nearest supermarket and doctors etc etc. I've spoken to many of them and they laughingly comment that they thought they'd be fine here when they first moved at 65.

Or maybe you're the sort that doesn't ponder these things and will just stay put and try to manage until the very end?

[Justjules]

Good thread Stellajane.  I do worry about burdening my children.  I've a daughter and two sons and to be honest would probably get more support from the boys I think.  My daughter and one son are from my first marriage so doubt they would be wanting to look after my current OH if I pop off first.

Having seen how my in-laws are struggling (both 85 years old) in a big house and now my MIL has the beginnings of dementia, I realise how important it is to think about such practicalities.  They should have moved house years ago but wouldn't and now it won't sell.  They are at least 35 to 40 mins from us and my OH's two sisters and so it's hard work.  They wanted to move nearer to one of his sisters but like I say, can't sell their house and FIL refuses to let it go for less than it's worth just to get rid of it.  So they are stuck for now.  They can't do the big garden anymore, can't clean and are basically struggling but FIL is a control freak and won't let any 'strangers' in to help so he is going to suffer a lot more once MIL really starts to deteriorate. 

On the other hand, my Mum is same age but very independent.  Has a small house and has got the same neighbours she's had for 50 years who all help each other which is a rarity these days so she is very lucky and I know she has help if she needs it as I live 30 mins from her and there's only me to help and I work 4 full days.  I'm lucky that she is also very practical and has more or less de-cluttered the house and paperwork so that 'it makes it easier for me' when she's gone bless her.  I will be trying to do the same along the way.  Horrible to have to think of these things but better for our children.

[Pennyfarthing]

Well you all know about my Mum that's for sure!  when my Dad died she wanted to move to a sheltered complex as she's in a 3 bed house with huge garden.  Brother persuaded her not to but I got the job of making mum safe at home .... Wet room installed, stairlift etc.  Neither brother did anything practical.

I will say she has the GP surgery dead opposite,  the luncheon club just up the road and she knows most of the neighbours.

Me and hubby haven't even thought about our old age but we do have an option.  About 7 years  ago we bought a lovely smaller house which is very low maintenance, small walled garden, conservatory etc which we rent out and we have lovely tenants.

We could move into that I guess and sell this one where we live. Beyond that we've made no plans. I really am not a planner I'm afraid. 

Interesting thread. 

[Dancinggirl]

GReat thread Stellajane - you are so right, we need to be realistic, plan or at least have ideas about what will be practical as we age. Talk to the children or maybe write down about what you would like to happen in the event of infirmity, dementia etc.  I certainly don't want to be a nuisance to friends and family or loose my independence too soon, which is what happens if you expect to stay where you are and haven't made suitable plans. Dg xxx

[Justjules]

Menomale, we have a similar type of thing here that you are thinking of.  Retirement Villages with communal areas and laundry facilities and everything to hand.  You can apply for accommodation for one of these from 55 years old God forbid!!! I've heard some of them are a haven of 'romantic activity' in some instances amongst the oldies 

Well I feel really sorry for OH's sisters as they will have one hell of a job when they sort their parents house out as MIL still has clothes in a size 10 from 40 years ago and has never parted with them and she's been nothing less than an 18 since I've known her for 35 years!!!  I said to her a while ago that why doesn't she just sort a drawer out each day but she'd rather sit and do puzzle books but it's not really fair on the family and is quite selfish I think.

I will have a job to get my OH to downsize.  Whilst our house isn't too large - 4 bed detached - it wouldn't bother me to move to a smaller house at any time.  We always joked we'd move to one of those caravan park thingys but I can't see it really.  It's sad really because our society doesn't encourage our families to look after the elderly in their homes like some cultures but it is very stressful caring for our old folk no matter how much we love them.

[CLKD]

When I sit by our ponds watching insects in the buddleah and clematis, I never want to move.  But since the hot weather which meant I was confined indoors, the weeds have taken over and I feel recently that the garden; or house; are too large.  On Sunday I spent a couple of hours looking at properties (which is when I found no access to right move) in the area: smaller houses, same sized garden : within a price range leaving us a bit left over …. but there is nothing.  We have our hobbies here, good GP and Dentist, a good mix of age range in the street and the village shop and surgery R 2 mins. walk away.  Bus routes every 45 mins.. 

But I want a VIEW and the sound of the ocean …….. but properties on the coast are too much.  We have clutter++ as we go to antique fairs etc., all saleable but it's an effort to pack it up to take.  My Mum has been 'getting rid' for a few years …..

I read at the weekend that it can cost £35,000+ to buy, sell, move …….. plus the deposit.  The first cottage we considered buying would have cost £8,000  .  In the weekend papers are lots of retirement opportunities, yeah, right: prices started at over £525,000 ……… I would want room service for that amount!!!!

With my anxiety I would probably find somewhere to move too then have a dreadful time  .  Himself doesn't seem bothered.

Just Jules - your MumiLaw is probably like me - easier to avoid sorting than suffer anxiety about it.  Not selfish either!

[I'm 62-ish] ……. is that old enough 

[CLKD]

Apparently in Mainland Europe the habit is to rent rather than buy, particularly in urban areas.  I have formed an attachment to the amount of work put into our garden/ponds …….. inside doesn't bother me other than it's spacious enough to put our stuff on display. 

It's the anxiety which is my largest problem.

[Pennyfarthing]

A lady at our knitting group is approx 70-75 I guess.  Her house was too big and she could no longer cope with her large garden. What she is doing for the time being is renting out her big house in the countryside and moving a few miles into a small town and renting a smaller property there. 

She reckons she is making a good profit every month and still has her own house which should rise in value when she does decide to sell.

[CLKD]

I did think B4 we retired and B4 we had 'stuff', that we should sell this, put stuff into storage and rent around the UK for 6-9 months at a time.  So that we could travel and enjoy each area.  Then I sat by our ponds one evening ………

[CLKD]

The cost of setting up though Menomale is HUGE! 

from another thread on here:

 "Full Nursing Care?

After buying the property/properties one has to consider running the business:

" it's B&B on a huge scale: full laundry, cleaning, maintenance; Nursing, cleaning, secretarial staff salaries/pensions; Public and Staff Insurance, TV Licence, heating; running of washing machines etc..  Regular change of carpets in rooms between clients, no one wants to pay for a room where someone has died unless it's fresh, decorating throughout the public rooms every 12 months, light bulbs; crockery; electricity and water bills; paying for each member of Staff to have security check.  Entertainment.  May-be a mini-bus for days-out trips.  Food, drink, table cloths, napkins …...

"Over-all income should cover the 'running' of the place.  "

"I often wonder how much I actually spend per month on our house/garden/costs but can't be bothered to work it all out: however, Himself says we spent £25,000-ish in 2012 and again in 2013 which includes running two vehicles.  We don't buy many new clothes or shoes unless necessary, as we buy for necessity rather than fashion.

[CLKD]

You need a Business Plan?  Maybe have a chat with the local Hospital and Medics to find out what type of 'care' is required in the areas you would be comfortable living in?  Town, coast, countryside?   Some areas in the UK have bungalows with a Warden 'on call' via a pull-cord system.  Some places have ground floor flats all under one roof, again with a warden 'on call' as well as a couple of rooms set aside for visiting relatives.  There is a communal room, GP and Vicar visit regularly.  It depends on what you expect your clientele to be, yuong and healthy to fading so that there requirements will change as they age.

try: www.churchillretirement.co.uk : for ideas.

[Ju Ju]

My parents live in the same house they have lived in since 1958! They have kept it well maintained, though anyone who bought it would want to enlarge the tiny kitchen, add another loo etc (only one upstairs). And most definitely redecorate! However, beautifully done by their decorator. They have a chair lift for mum as one of many adaptations.They live in a town near to shops, but how near is near when you are disabled? They need to use the car.

 They were critical of our choice of living in a village, 5-10 minutes drive from the nearest supermarket and in a bungalow. Now they are envious. It was a squeeze with a family, but ideal now. There is a good community feel here. Much more than where they live. Most residents tend to be older here as younger people simply can't afford the house prices or rents. My daughter would love to move back here, but it's out of the question financially.

My parents are very conscious that one day I will have to sort their house and have tried to declutter, but they have a cluttered home and when you are old, the energy required is not there. DH and I have been de cluttering our loft ruthlessly in our bungalow and have put all the paperwork in order.

My children say that when we are old and decrepit they will build a granny annexe for me and put DH in a home for the bewildered!  Actually, we have discussed pooling our resources and buying a place that could accommodate us all in a cheaper part of the country.It would work as long as we all had our own space, separate bathrooms, kitchens. And we do get on very well, as long as there were boundaries. They would benefit financially, but there is the potential for us to be a burden. Still it is an idea to mull over for the future.

[Hurdity]

We haven't given it a thought well barely. After all my mother is still living at home in late 80's and she hasn't thought about what she will do yet really. Early 60's is far too young these days  and we (on average) can expect to live into our 80's. Not ready to consider dropping off the perch just yet. Too much active life (hopefully) to make the most of!

HOWEVER my husband is 70 and we (mostly he) have a huge amount of stuff and a lot in a large outbuilding, workshops, garage etc so for us it's not a question of moving but if he died before me - there would be a massive clear-out needed and I don't know what half the stuff is anyway. I do drop gentle hints but my husband says he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life clearing up and clearing out - er - but someone will have to do it one day. I'm waiting until the darker days begin and perhaps make a start....The clutter is a sore point!

We also have a lot to maintain so one day it will be too much - but that will be before our old age proper I imagine!

Hurdity x

[CLKD]

Don't run B4 you can walk though.  Start with one small 'unit' of linked flats or small properties with a Warden/s on hand.  You may not like the responsibility of the caring sector!

When my Dad died his stuff was valuable so we asked close friends to find buyers for it.  Other stuff Mum dealt with or we disposed of/used ……

We have up-dated our Wills in recent months.  I will be writing labels on the backs of paintings, prints, photos so that they have a chance of getting to those I want to inherit. 

[Ju Ju]

Living in a small home with limited storage other than the attic and a dislike of housework has made us excellent declutterers, except in the past things were shoved out of sight in the attic. The need to increase insulation up there has made us declutter gradually up there, box by box of stuff we have forgotten about. A lot of stuff as we have lived here for 30 years. Sadly no hidden treasures so far!