Hi Ladies and fellow posters
I've been reading lots of your comments and want to empathise. It's a disgrace that we don't get more support, care and understanding from the medical profession and that finding a good and knowledgeable doctor is like finding a needle in a haystack.
![Angry >:(](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/angry.gif)
I've been bottling a lot up for a long time and now I really want to get it off my chest so this is an epic post....
I guess I'm only a year and a bit into this confusing and draining chapter of my life. I'm 50.5 and the indicators began a month after I turned 49. Before this, I used to just get on with things when I felt ill and rarely made a fuss but boy have I since changed.
I seem to spend a lot of time moaning about how I feel soooooooo tired all of the time. My poor husband and good friend/work colleague bear the brunt of my whinging. I feel as though I'm turning into a hypochondriac except I really do feel ill.
I've had to see a lot of GPs over the last 18 months, more than any time in my life, and when I mention it to Drs, they just stare at me and say nothing. It's like I'm in a bubble and when I start to speak 'meno' they go deaf. My fave GP ( female) did recommend Menopause Matters to me and talked about HRT, but trying to get an appointment with her now is like getting into Fort Knox.
I want to say at this point I'm a very lucky IVF mum. I pumped myself full of synthetic hormones in order to produce two beautiful children in my late 30's and then paid for it with prolonged periods, dietary and metabolism problems ever since, so now the very last thing I want to do is go on HRT. Respect to all you ladies who are, it sure sounds complicated, but I just can't bear the thought of it. I'm a big fan of Dr Marilyn Glenville and always vowed I'd get through the menopause using her supplements but the prices are too prohibitive for me at the moment.
So this is me, where I am at right now ...
I get whooshes of hormone surges, I can feel them. I start to shudder inside and get emotional.
![Cry :'(](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/cry.gif)
I am regularly scratching my skin. Especially at night.
Periods are intermittent - 2 months since the last one.
My memory is ..... I can't remember.
![Roll Eyes ::)](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/rolleyes.gif)
I get horrible sickly headaches at night which often last all day and make me feel like I'm having a body migraine.
![Tongue :P](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/tongue.gif)
I wake up between 2 - 4 am six nights out of seven then stay awake for a couple of hours before nodding off. When the alarm goes off I can't talk let alone move ( and I do like to talk) and I'm usually a morning person.
Achy joints
Some days I feel like I am wading through glue.
![Huh? ???](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/huh.gif)
The flushes are back with a vengeance after a long break from them.
Libido is defunct.
![Undecided :-\](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/undecided.gif)
Add to that 6 months of physio, acute asthma and IBS plus Gastro oesophageal Reflux Disease and life is feeling a challenge.
![Shocked :o](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/shocked.gif)
My mother used to go on and on and on about the menopause to me when she went through it. I had to know about every hot flush. Fetch the handheld fan. It used to make me cringe and so I don't want to share it with my daughter or other people. I would die of embarrassment if my male friends and colleagues knew what I was going through. Why do I feel like this? Why am I not menopausal and proud? Has society done this to me?
I think I'm a lively, vibrant girl, still full of youth and aspiration whose mission in life is to inspire and motivate others to grow in confidence and achieve. But do these others look at me and think I'm jaded. This is the part that makes me want to cry.
So my question is am I normal?
![Undecided :-\](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/undecided.gif)