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[coldethyl]

I feel this time of my life has been the perfect storm of physical ailments and mental anguish. I was trying to explain to Mr ethyl last night as he just thinks I need to talk to the GP again that I'm not depressed but rather I just feel overtaken by all the random crap that the change has thrown my way. I often feel like ending it all if I'm honest , but not because I want to die or can not see that life has some great stuff in it- it's just that I feel my ability to cope with the hot sweats, aches and pains and general bleurgh that I'm experiencing is non existent. It's like I'm overdrawn at the bank and the manager has said no more credit. Some days I wonder whether I'll ever feel human again let alone me.  I tell myself this will pass and I'm sure it will. It's just whether there'll be anything left of me by then! I get through it by a lot of teeth gritting and telling myself that I am just choosing to put up with it for today or even just the next hour some days when I feel really bad and that has helped. It angers me that so many women go through this and yet often we are made to feel it is a defect in our characters that we aren't having a hassle free menopause. I have stopped going to my GP as she is my age and seems to be sailing through it so looks at you like you have two heads when you say it's unbearable. We need support through this and not just the prescription pad. I've been told so many different things by various GPs at my surgery that I no longer feel able to make an informed choice. I would rather not go on HRT as I have some contraindications and think I'd only end up anxious about them but that doesn't mean that I dong want my HCPs to be involved with my " treatment." It seems it's a case of either getting on with it on your own or being dosed up on anti- depressants and if you're lucky getting the right HRT.

[Mardy]

A few weeks back I started taking St John's Wort again. I stopped it a few year s back & was on AD, so couldn't take it at the same time. I do feel that my moods are not just as bleak & not just as often awful, so I think it is helping.

I don't now get hot flushes. I did a few year ago, but not as often as some folks. I took Menopace for a while, but haven't for ages. Some people suggest Burgen bread - I think it's to do with  an ingredient, but I don't know if it would be of use.

I have a gut disorder & did do a course of Mindfullness that was offered for that. I do try & practice it, but I'm not very disciplined. I sort of pick & mix it when things are bad. I find the concentrating on what you are presently doing does help. Takes a bit of getting into the way & you don't beat your self up if your mind wanders, just gently acknowledge that & take your mind back to the present.

I must admit I've found the Doctors up until now pretty hopeless. I think it's when I say I don't really get hot flushes - they just think well that's okay then - sort of attitude. But I now have a referral to a phyciatrist & we'll see what happens then.

[CLKD]

Burgen bread doesn't keep though  - it has linseed in if I remember? 

I never wanted to die even at my worst  but to sleep until the pain went away 

I take half a day at a time.  I don't plan too far ahead. I make lists!  Lots of lists.  Ticking off what I have done means that I can see what I *have* achieved!  What doesn't get done can wait.

My garden upsets me on days I don't have the energy to work out there or when it's raining too hard  .  My greatest pleasure is weeding and making it tidy in small areas at a time [like yesterday].  Unless I keep on top of it the weeds take over  . 

[CLKD]

Whoops  - also Girls, learn to delegate where you are able!

Mardy - maybe start a separate thread so that you don't get lost?  R there community vehicles for example or local taxi firms that would help?

[Dyan]

Yes I do when I'm having an episode or if i take on too much.
Nowadays I like to pace myself and not put myself forward when people need  'a Favour'.
It took me a long time but now I can say 'No'

[kpatton56]

Saying no is a strength. We must learn to resist being guilt tripped. 😀

[Dyan]

You're right Katiecurrantbun

[Justjules]

Yes, to everything! Totally and absolutely been the worse years of my life since hitting 55ish, now almost 60.  Have suffered with some sort of anxiety most of my life but this feels so much worse.  Don't even know where I am on the menopause journey as never really spoken to GP about it as it was always anxiety or depression that I went with. At least 7 years with no periods and because I was on an AD for most of it, apart from hot flushes, I can't say I've had any other problems so I thought I had done well. Then a couple of years ago, a few health scares totally flipped me over the edge into completely overwhelming health anxiety and fear, which has haunted me ever since and I think I'm going to have to accept that this is me now and just have to live with it. There are new frightening symptoms all the time and it's so hard to know what to worry about and run off yet again to the dr's or just put it on the 'list' with all the others. My life lately could be all tests, tests and more tests so where do you draw the line?  It's hard to see others just getting on with things and the knowing look you get when you say how you feel, you end up being just the butt of everyone's jokes. I too can't believe the lack of support we get from dr's. Okay, the menopause isn't supposed to be an 'illness' but my goodness it feels like one and life is a daily battle to find the energy and motivation to do anything but exist and life's surely not supposed to be like this. My 85 year old mother has more energy than me and I find that so depressing. I think that this day and age, when we are living longer, they now need to find something to help women get through this. Years ago we would have been slung into mental institutions and now we're expected to work, support elderly parents, look after homes, shop, cook, clean and cope with feeling absolutely worn down every day.

[CLKD]

Learning to say 'no' becomes easier the more I practice 

The menopause itself is 'natural' but the effects of hormonal upheaval can cause illnesses - i.e. aches and pains, panic attacks, indigestion 

[walking the dog]

Justjules you have summed up my experience of the perimenopause perfectly 😊

[Justjules]

WTD, thank goodness for this forum that's all I can say! One day we hopefully may be better. My Mum was like this and she's fine now so I live in hope. X

[wombat62]

I think you just about summed it all up perfectly Jules!

We are bombarded with health scares (especially if you read a certain newspaper!) and whilst it is good to highlight possible early symptoms to people it is hard to know where to draw the line. When I had the vertigo and feeling sick that morning I said to the doc how can you distinguish between a funny turn and a lady's heart attack as we are always being told they are different and can present just as a funny turn. She said really you can't but come and see us if you are worried.

As you say in Victorian times we'd all be in the asylum and if you are a person prone to worrying or anxiety in the good years then this xxxx will tip you over the edge! I keep telling myself all this stuff over the last couple of weeks is the pesky hormones playing up but I would have thought by now I wouldn't be getting ups and downs but then as everyone keeps telling me, I've been through a lot recently so maybe it's just fall out. Plus I have to learn to say no as that's what set it off in the first place...arghhh!

Anyway, hope you have a nice holiday Jules and get the chance to sit, soak up some sun, relax and just be!

[CLKD]

If asked to do favours etc. I reply : "I have to check our calendar so please ask someone else as back up" - I no longer get asked  - apart from pet sitting occasionally and then I do it if there's back-up in case Mum suddenly needs something or I have a melt-down.

[Babsm67]

After reading the posts on this thread, I thought, 'That's me'.  I have felt, over the last two years, that I have been trying to climb out of a 'black hole'.  Since my breakdown early last year and subsequent resignation from my job of several years, I have felt like a lost soul, trying to find somewhere to settle.  As an anxiety and PND sufferer,  I had taken ADs for many years on and off but peri brought with it intolerances to certain foods and, evidently, some chemicals as I started reacting to my ADs which had enabled me to manage anxiety symptoms without having time off work.   The ADs also compounded the insomnia which came along with the peri.   However, working 5 days per week part time, caring for my son, coping with peri symptoms (which are rubbish), running a home and trying to revise for an exam which I desperately need to pass, makes me feel like the walls are closing in again.  My current, temporary position ends shortly and, on the whole, it has been a lovely, positive experience but the timing is probably for the best.  The thought, however, of going through the process of applying for jobs, preparing for interviews (if I am asked) and, ultimately, settling into another workplace all over again for the fourth time in a year is extremely daunting and I am not sure if I can face it at the moment.  If I could volunteer for the foreseeable future, I would but I will have to start earning some money eventually. Hrt didn't work for me earlier this year as I used it for a few months & my own cycle was still prominent, causing heightened anxiety!  I still haven't missed any periods yet but I am clearly getting many other peri  symptoms.  (I have just started local oestrogen though).
I find if I make a decision,  I get consumed with doubt over it and subsequently change my mind (I have turned down 3 job offers since last May because of this.  I also hope, along with many of you, that I never experience what I went through last year, ever again and understand that fear very well. Does the indecision eventually pass? 

[CLKD]

Once the sufferer feels more in control they will feel better which enables them.

Is the exam really as important?  You could ring various Charities in your area to ask if there are salaried positions expected soon?  I was surprised to see a Shop Managed post advertised recently.