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[ruthae]

Hi

I was on reduced days / working at home for five weeks in Feb and March due to peri-menopause anxiety etc.  My manager has emailed me to say that I now have 8 periods of sickness on my record, even though it was only one absence .  There is a company policy that you can be served a disciplinary warning if you take more than 3 periods of sick leave in a year.  I emailed my manager to ask what would happen, and pointed out it didn't make sense - he didn't reply, so I spoke to him today and he said not to worry about it, he just has to fill in a form.  Anyone else come across this - perhaps worrying about nothing, but...  not helping as I am feeling anxious again.   

He has also sent me some stress forms to fill in (if I want to) and wants to refer me to occupational health to see if they can suggest ways to help lower my anxiety at work.  They don't seem to get all I need is a bit of TLC (like a how are you when I arrived in the morning when I had been out of the office for 5 weeks) not more stress through forms and intervies - I have said this to him several times to no avail - why can't people just be kind, they are so scared of being sued for something.

Anyone else got experience of work issues? 

Thanks
Rx

[EllaM]

Hi Ruth, I am currently on sick leave for exactly the same reasons as you but I work in local govt so have good sick leave arrangements. That said I have experienced that added pressure of sickness triggers, interviews and referral to occ health. I have had extended periods of sick leave over the last 5 years but in the last year only 10 days in total. Despite this I feel guilty, that my colleagues may think I'm over egging it, pressure as I'm a manager and frustrated as all I want is to be back to my kind of normal!  My manager is male which makes it more difficult and I feel I come under greater scrutiny than others.
No answers I'm afraid but try to be reassured that there are processes that have to be applied. A chat to occ health may help.
Good to see that you managed to get back to work so don't let this upset you x

[Halfpint]

Hi Ruthae,
It sounds like your work use The Bradford Factor which is what my Company use. It is quite strict.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bradford_Factor

Asking you to fill in forms and referring you to Occupational Health is a standard thing that companies do to try and assist you in your return to work or stresses you are suffering at work. It is all standard procedure that your Manager has to follow but yes, he/she could be a bit more sympathetic but unfortunately, companies don't seem to tolerate staff taking sick leave especially if you are not on good t&c's like EllaM. In the job I had years ago before leaving to bring up my children, I had brillaint t&c's and could have six months paid sick leave. Not so in the job I have now which is part time, a small company and poor t&c's.

[CLKD]

Your Company is following protocol which will be in your Contract of Employment.  At least your Company is offering you Occupational Health …...

[ruthae]

Thanks for feedback EllaM and Halfpint.  CKLD I know we are lucky to have these systems in place in big organisations, my point is these systems are the first thing managers run to when really all they need to do is be human and empathetic. My manager sits opposite to me it isn't as if he is in a different building.  I have an excellent work record and I feel like I am being treated like a stranger  andclassed as too much trouble which is very upsetting.  I'm sure the OH will help.
Rx

[MIS71MUM]

Hi Ruthae

Have been in exactly the same position as you. I ended being off for 4 months, due to peri anxiety.  I had a referal to Occ Health and work ended up paying for some extremely useful CBT sessions.

I think these days employers have protocols to follow as they don't want to be sued.  I'd try not to take it off personally and see how they may be able to help you.

[ruthae]

Thanks for rational thinking, I'm sure it will all seem better in a few days 

[CLKD]

Let us know how you get on and what is offered by OH?

[ruthae]

Thanks CLKD, will do 

[Justjules]

Ruthae, I've just gone back to work after a spell off since January with anxiety and depression and apart from a couple of girls who I'm friendly with in the adjacent room, not one person has asked if I am okay, how I feel etc, I work for a law firm in the employment team! Yes, they have been doing/saying all the right things but there's no heartfelt concern or empathy. I have felt so guilty about being off, am struggling to cope with the phased return at the moment and I was shaking with nerves and had a panic attack coming out the first day back. It doesn't help that a couple of the girls, one who is actually supposed to be a good friend, had been slating me on an email that I saw before I went off with stress but I haven't got the emotional stamina to confront her yet and have had to work in an atmosphere which isn't contributing to my recovery. My contract states that I am allowed 40 days off in the year after 2 years' service, which I have thankfully, but full pay is discretionary and they have paid me for which I am grateful. In total, I work 4 days a week normally but have had a total of 18 days off since January. Your firm seems to be following the Bradford Factor as Halpint says. Occ Health is good but it's still 'going through the motions' and they have to be seen to be confirming to the rules so as to avoid Tribunal claims. I used to love this job but it's changed a lot and I hate it but not sure what else to do at my age so hanging in there till I feel stronger and will look around.

Hope all goes well x

[Spangles]

Hi Ruthae

I'm experiencing the same in my job too, I've had a meeting with HR who explained the Bradford scale and company policy.
I am now being monitored, the next stage for me will be disciplinary, then any absence will require a doctors note, even if it is for one day!
Unsympathetic I know! But what can we do about it as any sickness history will follow you into a new job.

Shellb
xXx
 

[ruthae]

Finally got to see OH today.  In the meantime I had another anxiety attack at work due to my colleagues being uncooperative and got signed off by my Dr until end of June. 

It was a strange experience and has left me a bit confused.  She started off saying that she was pretty annoyed at referral saying my Managers and department HR needed to grow up and realise I needed some support.    She also said that the referral was not innocuous and Management often expected a referal to enable them to sack the employee but she wasnt going to agree to that. She then told me she had a Mirena coil and that her symptoms had been worse than mine.  They had asked 2 questions was I fit to work and were there any equality issues.  She is going to say not fit at moment but should be depending on results of my visit to menopause clinic next week but that I may need phased return to work or reduced hours on temporary basis, and yes there are equality issues as it is a female issue. 

She didn't suggest any other solutions, but was pleased to hear that I was already seeing a Counsellor.  She is going to send me her report to approve.

My manager has in the meantime gone completely silent, not responding to the email i sent last week with my not fit for work note.  Only one of my colleagues has contacted me to see if I am ok.

Been on the ustrogen twice now and spent last 2 days feeling v low and crying, though prior to that I hand agood coupke of days.   With that and the OH meeting I just feel like I can never go back.  But I have to earn some money to pay the mortgage in the long term. Im going to look at temping agencies online tomorrow...  and i am looking at some alternative therapy courses.  just keep hoping this is a horrible dream and I am going to wake up.

[dangermouse]

Work colleagues can be incredibly cruel and selfish when they don't understand the severity of your anxiety. They can be very quick to judge and make assumptions that you are unfairly taking time off and purposefully putting the burden on them - particularly when you add mob mentality into it!

Firstly, do note that this is coming from a place of their selfishness along with management possibly not providing any cover, thus adding to their anger. Your manager also appears to be assuming you are taking advantage - unfortunately we have to understand these are fallible human beings who are misjudging the situation due to their lack of experience of anxiety and their suspicious minds.

By not acknowledging your email your boss is probably breaking some kind of HR law - believe me there are many that my friends in the HR business pointed out to me when I had a serious issue when I worked for a large organisation.

Could you perhaps come to a verbal
agreement to leave (like a voluntary redundancy) so that you have a lump sum to tide you over for a while? They may be keen to offer this but it may be inappropriate to offer whilst you are under a doctor. If it's a decent sum of course...

I had to take on my old company in order to get redundancy - they had mistreated me due to managers taking a dislike for me working a shorter week than everyone else, even though it was pro rata in salary. People get jealous about silly things (esp. men!) when they think someone is onto a good deal. I just wrote a letter innocently mentioning all the HR legislation they had broken and a few weeks later I got my deal!

Don't let them mess you about, you are not at fault and health should always come before work. Their assumptions that you are doing something dishonest says much more about them than it does about you! Rise above them and get what you can out of them and then find something better.

[Kate50]

My husband deals with these work issues all the time and says there definitely needs to be a better understanding of dealing with the menopause at work.  He has told his colleagues that the government has said this so they need to be taking it into account.  The thing is what is going to happen many women are expected to work more years so these problems need addressing.  But at the same time us women need to realise that continuing to work through it might not be an option.  The hrt care isn't up to date with dealing with all this. I'm glad I opted out of work many years ago and have gone without rather be a pauper than stressed.  Good luck ladies stand up for yourselves it would never hold up in a work tribunal your employees would be shot down with the new government guidelines.  Maybe get in touch with your local MP to see where government is with all this you've got the mental health card as well the government are under a lot of pressure to get that right not that they ever will but the newspapers airways like a good story.In my view a progressive  government would realise the importance  of women as many societies do and pay them to stay at home to bring up children in their early years and support them in their senior years. As the saying goes If mama aint happy then no one's happy!

[Ju Ju]

 
I really feel for you. I was able to retire early, taking a small pension, as my DH was able to support me. My problem was extreme exhaustion, along with IBS, which of course was worse because of the logistics and stress of working. I have often wondered how I would have coped had I had to work until I was 66. Money can be tight at times, but far rather that than the alternative for me.

Please remember the behaviour of colleagues is not about you, but about them, even though it feels personal. Obviously you are dealing with the consequences, but don't go down the route of thinking you deserve this in anyway. When you feel low it is easy to think you cause others to behave badly.

I hope you can eventually find find alternative employment. Exploring alternative therapy courses sounds exciting, Ruthae. What do you fancy doing?