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[CLKD]

'empathy' - having had OCD your daughter ought to realise that people are unable to alter how they feel 

……. and breath ;-)

[Halfpint]

I didn't say you did Stella. I was referring to Jules' daughter.

[Justjules]

I really don't want to push anyone to their limits, family or friends.  The guilt it makes you feel makes the anxiety even worse.  I am not looking for sympathy, just support and understanding. If it was any other long term illness, people wouldn't be as complaining but it's the stigma of it being something 'mental' therefore, something we can control to a certain extent that makes people think that we shouldn't be moaning about our suffering. I certainly don't go to my daughter with any of this and I always feel like I have to put a face on around her but we travel to work together so sometimes she picks up when I'm having a bad start to the day in the car and when I was panicky one morning when I had started the awful Sertraline, she just said "well why have you bothered to come in then" .....a hug would have made all the difference. Anyway, we're all different in our physiology and I'm thankful that she is not like me. I grew up with two very anxious parents but my Mum 'grew out of it' in her sixties but she was also hooked on Valium and a nervous wreck when I was growing up. No-one ever knows if they will ever be unlucky to be floored by something like this at any time as we go through life events.

[babyjane]

JJ my son is a little bit like your daughter.  He cannot cope with me firing on less than full capacity so when I am unwell he pretends it is not happening or thinks he is helping by trying to jolly me out of it.

I think it worries him to think that I might not be able to help out if he needs me to as I have always been there for them all. 

I am fortunate in that my daughter is very supportive without encouraging me to wallow which is the approach I need.  I sincerely hope you can find someone to give you the support you need in real life as well as on these boards.

[CLKD]

A hug would go a long way!

How's 2-day been?

[Justjules]

Thanks BJ...I give up with my daughter for now...

CKLD, still a bit shaky but better thanks. Just going to start looking for a new job.....

[CLKD]

A break from your daughter might help how you feel. 

A new job? what do you fancy  ………… glad you felt better though!

[Justjules]

To be honest I don't know! Just something easier....Receptionist maybe but poor money. 

[CLKD]

It would be a stop-gap though 

[Justjules]

I know. It's hard to think you might not get work now though at my age so I'm hanging in there but I am dreading going back in full days after next week. I just can't cope with mornings at the moment. I hope the Citalopram will have kicked in by then but I can't believe how shaky I am and have been awake again with the damn fast heart rate and flush since 6:00am so still think I need the BBs. I don't want to get into the Citalopram and then find I need the BBs for the heart rate. I hope it's just adrenaline as it only happens first thing in the morning. Just so fed up with it all now. I feel like I'm trying my best but nobody else realises it and I'm struggling on when I just want to say, someone take this away please because it's unbearable trying to keep going. I know people are suffering with much worse illnesses but at least you don't feel you have to explain it then or be judged because this is to do with your head!

[babyjane]

JJ, when I get the adrenaline surges I take my pulse.  Often it is normal and steady at around 70 bpm, which then reassures me that the surge is not affecting my heart.

I struggled somewhat with the side effects of citalopram so my GP changed it to Escitalopram which is the sister drug to it but is known to be better tolerated by patients who have problems with side effects on Cit. I have found this to be the case.

[coldethyl]

jj, I wake up with my heart feeling like it must be racing but like BJ, it's often just beating away nice and slowly. I wonder if we are just super heart conscious- apparently people with anxiety especially health anxiety are usually able to accurately tell what their pulse is without taking it - I'm sure that once the citalopram kicks in, you'll feel more in control.it will feel strange as you have been on Bbs for so long but you have to weigh up the upside of taking the AD against the downsides of not having your betablockers. It may well be that your heart settles down once you get used, physiologically and psychologically to not taking it.
Well done on going into work even when you felt so rubbish . Just focus on a few hours ahead rather than trying to guess how you'll feel/ cope etc long term. X

[CLKD]

BBs and ADs suit me currently.  I take 40mg BB at night to ease any anxiety surges.  ADs help me get out of bed in the morning.  Could you ask your GP for an emergency anti-anxiety drug for a few weeks to take 'as necessary', i.e. Valium?

[Justjules]

BJ, my heart rate is actually higher - usually about 90bm but even during the day it's never usually below 75/80 anyway.  It's just so uncomfortable and I try hard to ignore it but it panics me.

Coldethyl, same as above.  I know it's faster, as I take my pulse when it comes on.  I am trying my mindfulness and doing some Headspace stuff in bed and using Rescue Remedy when it starts around 6:00am.

CKLD, I've had valium over the course of the last few months on and off.  The last time Dr gave me them was to ease off the Sert.  I have about two left and am trying to do without them as I don't think I will get any more.
x

[CLKD]

Did your GP tell you that?  Mine prescribes as long as I am sensible with it, by checking my records he can see how often I am re-ordering