One of the most challenging things for me about peri meno has been a decreased capacity for challenge and uncertainty and a serious lack of resilience. The trials and traumas of a life with livestock seems just too much to deal with and particularly at the end of the day when I feel drained.
I'm sat watching the lambing camera waiting for my last ewe to lamb and at the same time hoping that she dosent as I just dont feel that I have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with a difficult birth. Meno has made this years lambing a tiring and stressful ordeal rather than the highlight of the shepherding year and made me decide not to lamb next year in order to give me and the ewes a break.
Thanks to the HRT I am no longer getting the off the chart panic attacks when confronted with lambs that cant suck or stand and ewes that have a lamb stuck in their "doo dah" or no milk in their udders but I am feeling stressed to the point of feeling too overwhelmed to cope.
Well meno or not, I'm still a woman at the end of the day so no matter how freaked out I feel or how much I have wanted to run away, I have of course knuckled down to it and got it done. Now ladies you wouldn't accept any less from yourselves now would you?
I just wondered if the capable, confident, take on anything with an expectation of achieving it me will ever return. Or weather I should accept my emotional incapacity and start scaling things down?