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[Louisa]

Finally after battling with the DWP since the first week of Sept have they awarded me my benefit.   It's been stressful and they know it and am sure they do it just because they can.  Heart palpitations have been worse and a host of other stuff, why I couldn't/can't let these things wash over me I don't know. My mum used to describe me as ...'highly strung', now there's an old description.  I don't want to be highly strung but it seems it's just the way I am.  Any ideas anyone PLEASE.

[Ju Ju]

Mmm! Many of us come out of our childhoods being told who others think we are or believing the messages from our experiences. For example, I was told by my mum that I should never learn to drive as I was too dreamy and would kill someone. I learnt to drive successfully, but couldn't pass my test as I went to pieces, much to the frustration of everyone, even the examiner, who said I knew I could drive, he knew I could drive, but I had to do the manuveuves! I've been driving for years now and no I haven't had any accidents. This was about my mums fears that she projected onto me. And yes I appeared dreamy as I escaped into a dream world as a protection. She also said I wasn't very bright and up to much and would never have a successful marriage. Well I became a teacher and am very happily married.

What I am saying is that you don't have to believe what others say about you. It is usually about them rather than you. We all get stressed and that's ok. Don't be frightened of this or think there is something wrong with you. It's a matter of accepting and loving yourself as you are and finding the joy in the little things.

Claiming benefits is very difficult and stressful. It seems wrong that when people really need financial support, it is often at a difficult time of their lives and they have the stress of jumping through hoops. My daughter has had to claim housing benefit and it took months to come through. What would have happened if we were unable to lend the rent money that we could ill afford, I don't know.

 Do you have any support from family and friends?

[limpy]

Louisa I'm really glad the benefit has worked out ok.
What helps me in situations like that is to know/make sure I have done everything I possibly can.
Then there's no help in worrying, there's nothing else you can do.

BTW I don't think the DWP do it deliberately I think they are short staffed and harassed.

[CLKD]

I'm highly strung.  Since age 3  …… [long story short]

I tend to feel that 'they' are against me personally  ……… but 'they' may be busy but that shouldn't be the Clients problem 

Hopefully you will now feel more relaxed!

[Louisa]

What I am saying is that you don't have to believe what others say about you. It is usually about them rather than you. We all get stressed and that's ok. Don't be frightened of this or think there is something wrong with you. It's a matter of accepting and loving yourself as you are and finding the joy in the little things.


 Do you have any support from family and friends?

Yes Ju Ju, I got married this year so have support from my husband.  Why others impose their opinions onto their children I've no idea.  Unless they were insecure? You grow up with it ingrained into you and it becomes real.  Yes I do get wound up but those remarks just emphasised it.  I need to reassess myself.  Thanks for you valuable  input.

[Louisa]

Louisa - I usually find that when I'm in a stressful situation the adrenaline is running at full throttle with all the symptoms that brings and then when I come out the other side that's when it all takes its toll and I feel even worse.  Is that how you're feeling?  What you have been through has kept you on edge for a long time so there is bound to be fall out.  So now you need to be kind to yourself.  Have you tried any relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises.  I've been trying to do this when I get into bed, just slowing my breathing down which does help me to feel calmer and slow my pulse rate.  Maybe have a warm bath before bed and give it a try.

I'm sure you'll get plenty more suggestions as stress does seem to feature very highly amongst us all. 

Take care,


S x

Yes Sparkle, that's spot on.  We expect so much of ourselves.  I do do deep breathing etc and have a cd player at the side of my bed with relaxing wave music on it.  Yes 'fall out' I never thought of that - reminding me of that has helped in itself and explains a lot. 

[Louisa]

Limpy and CLKD, yes I am sure they are  understaffed and who would want a job like that in the first place !
No, worrying never helps but we just do it automatically don't we, it's ingrained.

Thanks  everyone 

[CLKD]

It's learnt reactions to certain situations?  As well as the feeling of impotence in situations similar to your own    ……

[Louisa]

Yep, just remembered- Mum was highly strung, she was a red head.

[Louisa]

This by Hilary Langford -

Ten Commandments for Reducing Stress

1. Thou shalt not be perfect nor even try to be.

2. Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people and spread thyself too thin.

3. Thou shalt leave things undone that ought to be done.

4. Thou shalt not criticize thyself for decisions that were made without the benefit of hindsight.

5. Thou shalt learn to say ‘No'.

6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network.

7. Thou shalt switch off and do nothing regularly.

8. Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant, and unattractive at times.

9. Thou shalt not even feel guilty.

10. Especially, thou shalt not be thine own worst enemy, but be thy best friend.