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[SadLynda]

HB, I dont think that is selfish at all.  Damn sure none of us in a similar postition do...

My daughter was saying last week how she turns her phone off when she goes to bed, I did 'angrily' retort - "We Dont all have that option do we"?  must confess I do wish that just once I could turn mine off

[honeybun]

Would your mother actually have to know that you had done a bit of research CLKD ?
It's better to have things in place as you have often said, even if they are tucked away in a drawer and never used. Not sure if it applies in England but up here if an elderly person has trouble bathing then the council will install a shower room or a wet room. I think a small contribution is made if the individual has the means but if they don't it's free, as is railings at outside steps and other aids too.

My phone is never off, but it's for my kids too 


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

Nope. Not in England.  Unless 1 is in Council accommodation they won't fix anything - social services can advise and 1 can borrow some from Red Cross.

We have an answer phone.  When DH was on 24/7 'call' I was the one who woke  .  If it rings after 9.00 p.m. we don't answer. 

We can't go over to look round Honeybun as we are too well known  ………. we don't go there unless we have to!

[Pennyfarthing]

Nope. Not in England.  Unless 1 is in Council accommodation they won't fix anything - social services can advise and 1 can borrow some from Red Cross.

We have an answer phone.  When DH was on 24/7 'call' I was the one who woke  .  If it rings after 9.00 p.m. we don't answer. 

We can't go over to look round Honeybun as we are too well known  ………. we don't go there unless we have to!

I don't think you're right there CLKD.  Councils In England WILL pay for you to have adaptations to your home even if you own it, if you don't have much savings. 

I arranged for Mum to get a stair lift and her old bathroom knocked into a wet room about 7 years ago and it didn't cost her a penny. And she owns her own house.  the woman from the council was fantastic and sorted it all.  She could not have stayed in her own house without those as she couldn't get in and out of bath and was using her backside to come down stairs. 

It's cheaper for them to do this than moving them into a home.

[Claireylou]

I live in Wales and when my dad came out of hospital last year, local council arranged for social services to call. Dad had hand rails at front and back, a stairlift, a ramp leading down to the decking and a walk in shower that he could sit down in. I own the house, they live in it. We didn't have to pay for anything. Maybe it differs from council to council 

[CLKD]

I think that it does vary.  Glad to know that I was mistaken.  People need to be aware that if they ask they may well get the assistance that is required. 

[honeybun]

I thought that was the case PF, thank you.  I don't think it varies at all. I'm nearly 100% sure it's nationwide.

My mother didn't need any adaptions in the house but we have safety handles installed outside. My mother does have some savings but not that much. My sisters neighbour had a wet room put in for him and it made his life so much easier.

It's amazing what is out there if you just ask.

What if it was your mum or paramedics that called CLKD......do you check at least for messages....your mum only has you really  ......no matter how difficult she is. And I know all about difficult 


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

I can't do anything in the middle of the night.  It's no good me leaping out of bed  and maybe have bad news on top - or worse, a silent call  .  Paramedics are paid and trained to deal with her  (as they did 12 months ago and I never heard the end of that  ).

[honeybun]

Sorry CLKD, on that we will have to disagree...
If I'm needed in the middle of the night, as I have been in the past, I get up and go. I really couldn't live with myself if I did anything different.
The thought of my mother being alone no matter how difficult I find her does not sit easy. I would hate to think she didn't have anyone but strangers.

I don't understand how you can distance yourself so much....but we are all different.....

Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

Mum will behave for strangers  and I have no qualms at all.  She has a net-work of friends locally ……….

[honeybun]

Family is family and she is your mother. I don't beleive that we "owe" or parents but its just the right thing to do in my mind.

We will all get there at some point and although I don't want my kids to feel responsible for me I would like to think I meant enough to them for them to turn out in the middle of the night if needs be.

I would feel very selfish if I didn't do what I think is the right thing.

As I said this is just what I would do.....but we are all different.

I used to tell my kids when they were growing up to treat other people the way they would like to be treated.....I still think that is true as we get into adulthood and beyond
So if the phone rings tonight ...heaven forbid....I will get up, get dressed and go....oh and hubby will come with me.


Honeybun
X

[Pennyfarthing]

I thought that was the case PF, thank you.  I don't think it varies at all. I'm nearly 100% sure it's nationwide.

My mother didn't need any adaptions in the house but we have safety handles installed outside. My mother does have some savings but not that much. My sisters neighbour had a wet room put in for him and it made his life so much easier.

It's amazing what is out there if you just ask.

What if it was your mum or paramedics that called CLKD......do you check at least for messages....your mum only has you really  ......no matter how difficult she is. And I know all about difficult 


Honeybun
X

It is nationwide Honeybun. 

https://www.gov.uk/disabled-facilities-grants/overview

We were really grateful for the help Mum got because there was no way she could have stayed in her home if she didn't get it done and means that she can get up and down stairs safely and shower herself safely and independently.  She is very independent and likes to do things in her own time.  You imagine what savings the council have made over the 7 years she's had these adaptions because she doesn't need their help now.

[honeybun]

Absolutely PF, it's smart thinking by councils as it keeps the elderly independent and at home.

We have had.
Wheel chairs
Bath chairs.
Commode.
Grab handles
Walking frames
And other things I can't remember 

It makes a huge difference.....and now the four times a day carers. My mother would have been in a home years ago if not for these kinds of things.


Honeybun
X

[Joyce]

If I may speak up here. No matter the distance, you can still help. My FIL had bad fall in his home. He managed to phone us. Hubby then phoned for medical help. Ambulance arrived at FIL'S house and we were kept up to date after he was admitted to hospital. We were told there was no need to come down until morning, which hubby did. Distance 160 miles. I can understand not answering your door to someone after 9pm, but not the phone. If someone is phoning later at night, you can be sure its with good reason.

FIL had his council  house adapted when he moved in. MIL had had a stroke & was not as mobile. No problems. I even phoned once to get a window fixed for him as wood had rotted & wind/rain were getting in.

Councils are happy to help where necessary.

[Pennyfarthing]

Absolutely PF, it's smart thinking by councils as it keeps the elderly independent and at home.

We have had.
Wheel chairs
Bath chairs.
Commode.
Grab handles
Walking frames
And other things I can't remember 

It makes a huge difference.....and now the four times a day carers. My mother would have been in a home years ago if not for these kinds of things.


Honeybun
X

after my Mum Had a knee replacement we were given perching stool, raised toilet seats x 2, frames for toilets x 2 and we returned them when she had recovered.  I bought a very lightweight folding wheelchair which I keep in my car for when we go shopping.  Mum bought her own "pusher" as I call it which has a seat if she wants to sit and rest.   At the moment that's all she needs.