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[honeybun]

It starts on Monday I hope. Just have to call the care firm tomorrow to go through all the details. They should have heard from SS by then.

It's going to be the carers that she knows so that will make things easier I hope.

There are no meals on wheels here anymore. The council deliver frozen meals once a week to those who need them. They provided freezers and microwaves for those who didn't have them. The food is cooked in school dinner halls.

In Scotland if you don't have assets and your savings are below a certain amount then it is fully funded. You also get the same choice of homes if you are able to wait. My step father was in a really good one before he died.....after his savings were used the council covered the costs.



Honeybun
X

[Pennyfarthing]

We have to pay for the running costs and upkeep, after all, we don't run our homes on nothing: so Staff pay, insurance, TV licence, Staff Pension Schemes, cleaners, upkeep of machinery, laundry costs - all comes out of what people pay for residential 'care' above what Social Servicies will pay for.  Council care is basic.  Lifting equipment, space to manoeuvre clients all costs.  Part of which the Council will pay for. 

It's when people need specific care i.e. Alzehmiers or can pay privately, however, medication and any general nursing care should be free at point of delivery. 

Dad had to pay because he had over a certain amount in savings.  Can't remember how much it was 15 years ago.  I think the amount has been altered and may depend on which country the client lives in.

How long will you need to wait for this additional care to 'kick in'?  Also, Wiltshire Farm Foods for those 'able' are worth looking into if there isn't Meals on Wheels in the area.

I get my Mum frozen meals sometimes from ALdi or Lidl. They are £1.40 roughly so lot better value than Wiltshire they are also excellent.  They're called Steam Meals and take 8 mins in microwave. She has salmon in dill sauce with veggies, chicken and bacon with leeks and another veg and chicken and pasta with tomato sauce.  She does cook some meals herself and goes out two lunchtimes a week and reckons these are lovely when she's feeling a bit tired.

[Pennyfarthing]

Well the social worker has approved extra care. Four times a day.....they will now give her lunch, heat up soup and make a sandwich. They will also come in at dinner time and heat up a dinner that I have made. I have labelled everything with cooking times. They will also do extras that she has previously done herself such as filling and emptying the dishwasher. Hopefully all these little things all put together will make a big difference.
My sister also had a word about respite and a care home in the future. She is to ring the social worker in a few weeks for a proper discussion.

The rest of the stuff my sister and I will continue to do.

Fingers crossed this is enough for now.


Honeybun
X

Sounds good Honeybun. Fingers crossed for you both.

[CLKD]

Wiltshire delivery every 2 weeks so Mum doesn't have heavy bags to haul from the town on the bus.  Suits her, she rings through her order and 'her man' delivers! 

Hopefully your Mum will settle Honeybun to her new regime.  Gives you some breathing space to think about the next step.

[honeybun]

It does CLKD, we will try not to change anything else for her just now as she will have to adapt again to yet more people in the house.....and she really doesn't like that at all.

I really hope this works as I don't even want to think of the alternative. This is hard enough, the next step would be ever harder.

Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

I think for many wrinklies is the lack of control which brings memories of when they were 'able' ….. so they fight like fury against change.  We haven't anyone to fight against  ……… I'm already thinking our garden is getting too large as we are so often away  …….. but I must have water in the garden and that's what I would miss …….. ponds are too large to carry with us 

Take some breathing space Honeybun and look into the inevitable before it becomes a crisis 

[Ju Ju]

My mum fought every step of the way, stick, walker, stairlift, commode. But she had to give in eventually. I do understand, but it's hard when you have to push them to accept things.

Mum keeps saying how much she worries about me and asks after DH, who is healthy, with great concern. DH says he's going to tell her about his piles......which he hasn't got. He thought he ought to give her something to worry about.    She's a champion worrier. Maybe too much time to think.

[SadLynda]

glad there is a slight improvement HB, such a tough time.

My parents are in late 70's with declining health, and refuse to do a damn thing I suggest.  Their diet is appauling, the best thing they eat is the Wiltshire foods or the soups I make (when they will actually agree to that).  My daughter and I are always telling my Mum she HAS to survive my Dad, he cares more for her as has 'just about' more mobility, I think he leans more on the wheelchair than pushes though.. as there is no way he will cope on his own, or accept help from any of us.  My Mum will be harder to care for as she is stubborn and there is no way she will ever leave her home, she has already said if she has another stroke or heart attack she is not going to 'that' hospital but wants to just die at home.  (she never forgave me for getting her sister to drive her to another hospital when her salt level dropped through the floor and near finished her off, or for forcing her to see the GP when I could see she was in congestive heart failure).

[Joyce]

Glad something is now in place HB for your mum. Hope it goes well. 

[CLKD]

That would be £15,000 per annum per trained assistant, i.e. ex-nurse   â€¦â€¦â€¦. I didn't make that very clear did I!  On our Midlands News there have been letters read out about the lack of care across the board, some raised by 'care' staff who complain that they are rushed off their feet by the 'owners' of the companies or as DH calls them, Gang Masters.

Also, one has to consider the initial set up of a care 'home'.  From finding the land, getting funding, borrowing monies to build with all that entails with local Planning Beaurocucy, (sp); and as I stated before, finding Staff, Insurance etc..  Not easy,  a huge responsibility and there are a lot of hoops and rings to jump through even before the first sod is cut.  It won't get any easier either.

I would like to see NHS Care Home facilities run from GP Surgeries.  Which would cut out the 'care' companies who run their staff ragged.  The girls who attended my Dad - for which he paid each visit - were allowed 15-20 mins., well that didn't give them the chance to say 'good morning'; plus the 'owner' was always ringing them whilst they were on duty, I would have told them to leave the mobiles in the car; they weren't paid for the time on the road so Mum had to tick them in through the door and tick them out and the 'owner' would call in weekly to check Mum's record book - this was 'care in the community'? 

It's been a Huge 'in the back of my mind' grip for years  .  A couple who visited Dad were ex-nurses, who ignored the 'owner' and took as much time as required with him.  Because they were 'trained' they brought extra nursing and communication skills and were strong enough to tell the 'owner' what was what, sadly they both were asked to leave.  It's also giving support to the partner/carer, who knows that at least twice a day someone with knowledge will be in …… but not if they feel they are being rushed!

[honeybun]

I think it would indeed be a very large club Prajna. And as time goes on it will get bigger and bigger. Trouble is some of my mothers generation think their children owe them the care that they need......I think I paid off any dues many years ago 

My mothers carers are from a private company that is contracted by the council. I have to say that generally they are very good. We know some of the managers personally (small town ) and that does help a little bit.
They do have to clock in and out but it takes seconds and does not stop them doing the job they are there to do. There is a wide age range and my mother has some very young ones....but they are lovely with her.

It would seem our generation are destined to care. My issue is, and this sounds so terribly selfish, I want a life too. I don't want to have to choose between hubby and mother at any time.

I also never want to put my kids in the position that I'm in....ever.

I want the best for my mother, but I never want to live to her age and be as dependent and unhappy as she is.

We do try our very best for her, but it's just not hitting the spot at the moment and sis and I are both distressed and stressed with the situation.

Honeybun
X

[groundhog]

Oh HB I could have written that.  I remember a few years ago my mother wasn't looking after herself,  couldn't or wouldn't take high blood pressure med, smoked and liked her gin lol.  I said one day she would have a stroke or something and she said 'it will be your job then to look after me ' .  I felt sick and true to form she did have a brain haemorrhage and you all know the rest.  She had 4 care visits a day for 2 years at home - it was a massive relief knowing I didn't have to go there if I was unwell or had my own life ( as it seems that's not allowed ).  One problem I found was the meals organisation - I'd but nice ready meals from marks and then put them in fridge - quite often mother wouldn't want what was on offer and so the meals were used out of date so sometimes by the end of the week,  the meals that were left were out of date and the carers obviously can't prep them even if one day over.  She had her favourite carers and if someone new or very young came There was usually a complaint from her.  Mind you my mother couldn't even make a cup of tea herself so it did take a lot of organisation.  But the relief was massive.  Now she is in a care home the pressure is off me,  the phone is now quiet but I find visiting her very very painful as she hates it there and I can't say I blame her but it got to the point it was her or me - she is 76 - if I live to be that age I will be very happy xx
Really hope it takes the pressure off you xx sure it will xx

[groundhog]

You are right there Prajna - my mothers did look after her mother but there were four of them and one of them lived with her so it must have been easier.
The care home costs £550 per week,  they take all my mothers pension and private pension and once she is permanent ( currently temporary ) we will have to pay the shortfall from the sale of her house - about £800 a month shortfall.  It's really hard having to even consider selling her house as I was born there, it's a very modest terrace of low value really.  If she liked the home it wouldn't so bad but she doesn't - but as you say there are a awful lot of us on MM in the same boat X

[Joyce]

Trouble is some of my mothers generation think their children owe them the care that they need......I think I paid off any dues many years ago 


It would seem our generation are destined to care. My issue is, and this sounds so terribly selfish, I want a life too. I don't want to have to choose between hubby and mother at any time.

I also never want to put my kids in the position that I'm in....ever

Honeybun
X

My mum was like that HB. In fact she told me to my face that was only reason she had kids! Hurt to the core!!!

Not selfish either HB, none of us getting any younger & we want to enjoy life while we still can. I'd never want our kids to have to go through any of that either. Daughter says she'll make sure we're put somewhere nice.

[CLKD]

Remember Girls: those that stood at the Altar heard the words - 'let no Man put asunder'!  That's Mum then 

After all, if you live miles away like we do ……….. Mum has now decided to have help getting out of the bath twice a week, she doesn't like the girls that call in for reasons she makes up ……… it was her idea so she can't 'get back' at me.  The problem with that is, we can't have a look-see at what is available in her area as she wouldn't agree!  If she lived locally we could have a ride round and discuss the various facilities available.