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[Hurdity]

....Because I get inordinate levels of satisfaction from doing really dull domestic stuff like folding laundry. It's not normal, is it?

  no it isn't GypsyRoseLee!!! This really made me smile 

Hope you feel better tomorrow

Hurdity x

[pepperminty]

Hi GRL,

How do you feel you are doing on the pill? Do you feel better overall? I suppose regardless of hormones there are variables in life, but you know yourself that the feelings are quite distinguishable from normal " I feel I bit low / tired / moody."

It is harder coping with spotting and other physical side effects when you are emotionally low.

Peppermintyxx

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi PM

Yes, I think overall I have felt better on the Pill than HRT. It feels more stable. And my 'good' days and weeks feel more stable than my 'good' times on HRT. Also since being on the Pill my mood dips haven't lasted nearly as long. Usually  between 2-4 days. Back on HRT my mood dips were lasting a week at least, and once as long as 11 days which was crucifying.

So, yes in balance I think the Pill is better for me because even when I have a down day, or 3, it doesn't feel as frightening or as overwhelming as before.

Day 37:

Was very sleepy last night and fell asleep on the sofa, and suddenly felt much better again.

Woke up this morning feeling nicely rested. Felt much better again. Much more upbeat and with that nice, normal contented feeling again. Went shopping with my Mum and ended up really giggling. Over the last 2 years I have so rarely felt able to giggle, I had nearly forgotten how.

I am very pleased and very grateful that my mood dip only lasted 2 days this time. Interestingly (or perhaps not) my brown spotting was heavier today with some fresh blood in it. I wonder if my body is trying to have a period, and my mood dip of the last 2 days was a sort of PMS? I just don't know.

But feeling much better. Hurray!

[Chi chi]

Sounds like it's really working for you  I so wish they'd let me try the pill 

[Briony]

Estelle, have you asked about Qlaira? The estrogen in it is the same as HRT so, I presume, it has the reduced risk of HRT (compared with the pill)?
Alternatively, have you thought about taking a pill-sized dose of HRT eg 200mcg patches or 4-5 pumps of gel daily? Apparently this will suppress ovulation in the same way the pill does by tricking your body into thinking you're pregnant. x

[Chi chi]

I did ask about it in my recent email to prof studd and as usual he ignored the question 
I will ask at my new appointment with Annie Evans

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 38:

Good sleep again. Mood very good again. Feeling centered and contented still. Am still surprised my mood dip.only lasted the 2 days but it gives me a lot of hope.

This morning I had some quite heavy spotting with fresh blood in it, and some mild cramps. But have no way of knowing if is a period of some sort?

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi Estelle

I think it's fairly early days for me as regards the Pill. I know Briony felt it was 3-4 months before it really kicked in for her.

But, I have spent nearly 2 years getting into this awful peri nightmare and I think from a psychological point of view it's going to take a good while for me to fully recover.

I have experienced some truly dark days and the anxiety has been crippling at times. So I won't just be bouncing back to normal without a backward glance. Even if the Pill is now controlling my mood much more effectively, I'm still haunted by what I have been through ( hope that doesn't sound too dramatic).

I will keep my fingers crossed that you get some real support and consideration from Annie Evans. She was to be my next port of call if I felt the Pill wasn't working. And like Briony says I would have been asking for very high oestrogen dosage.

[LW44]

Hi GRL
 good news things are evening out and in the up !  im feeling quite the same..things slowly improving on the oestrogen only :-)  like you have said.. i feel the same haunted by how ive felt... its hard to describe.. its fear of the fear i suppose... now if that can just shift ... but presume that will take time.. xx

[GypsyRoseLee]

Hi LW44.

Yes, it's definitely being really frightened of feeling frightened, if that makes sense? It really does mentally scar you, and scars take a long time to fade.

And I suppose the longer you have suffered with peri anxiety and depression the bigger and deeper the scars, and the longer it will take to heal.

This whole experience has been devastating for me, and will echo for a long time. But I never thought I would properly recover from PND all those years ago, but I did, and for 10 years afterwards never gave it a second's thought really.

[LW44]

yes your right... ive only been full blown suffering the anxiety since end of may but feels like a lifetime.. although i must admit since pnd 10 years ago i do have a phobia of "mental" illness..  at the moments its like im tip toeing through the days.. like i cant really look forward to anything." just in case.."  were going away for the weekend.. and i am really looking forward to it.. but on the other hand i darent think about it.. "just in case.. "   not carefree enough yet..

[GypsyRoseLee]

Day 39:

Another good day. Feeling quietly content and cheerful. Nothing overt, just the old 'normal' me. But God it feels so wonderful.

Still having slightly heavier spotting, needing to use a panty liner rather than just noticing when I wipe.

[GypsyRoseLee]

You will recover though LW44, just like you did from PND, like I did.

I remember when I was recovering from PND U had several false starts, then for a long time thought I had recovered but looking back I obviously hadn't. It took a long time, and there were faint echoes for a good 12 months.

[Briony]

Hi LW44.

Yes, it's definitely being really frightened of feeling frightened, if that makes sense?

That sums it up perfectly !

[GypsyRoseLee]

It's so cruelly ironic isn't it Briony? You fear the fear!

Day 40:

Another good day. Slept well. Mood still calm and contented. Not much else to say really. Really happy at the moment.