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[robotwars]

HI! Does anyone know who you go to see to get help looking after somebody? My Mother has COPD (on oxygen) and cellulitis on her legs, at the moment I go over every day, even though I work full time, I do all her housework, shopping, medication, walking her dog etc, I have been doing this now since just before Christmas but it is getting too much, my other concern is that she hasn't had a shower for months because her legs are all bandaged up, I have tried to be there when the district nurse comes so I can speak to her about this but she always comes when I'm not there!
I tried asking to see the doctor but he came and did a home visit when I wasn't there so didn't get to speak to him. I contacted cinnamon trust to see if they could help with the dog at least but they said it has to be my mother who contacts them and she still hasn't, she has had the number for weeks now, I keep asking her but she doesn't do it. Is there anyone I can contact to try and get some help as I'm not sure who to turn too now. With all these peri-menopause symptoms as well life is rubbish at the moment!
When anyone asks her if she wants help she just says that's ok I have my daughter!!!!! Aaghhhhh -

[CLKD]

   …… have a read through our 'those caring for elderly relatives' thread.

Contact Social Services in the morning, they can advise.  They will do a free assessment of her needs to see if she can have hand rails over the bath etc., she will be entitled to certain things around the house.  Also if you are going in on a regular basis as her main carer, she can apply for carers allowance I think and I believe that the carer is entitled to financial help to.  I think this is in our running thread.  It isn't up to her to tell others that 'my daughter does that' even though she will do so! and SS rarely ask exactly what that help entails.

Your Mum's GP won't necessarily talk to you if your Mum is mentally able and the District Nurse who is dressing her legs is unlikely to have time to let you know each time she visits. However, how about suggesting Power of Attorney in the first instance? so that you have control over her finances etc.?  You could suggest to your Mum that you are worried about her monies in the future and would she like someone to give advice?

Tell us more about your Mum's dog, which breed etc.?  Have a look-see at your local Vet surgery to see if there are any adverts for people who will dog walk for you, ask in the village shop etc.; GP surgery …… other dog walkers who live close by. 

[honeybun]

GP and social services both have to be involved.

It's not carers allowance, it's attendance allowance that your mum can claim to enable her to pay for help. If you are looking after your mum for over a certain number of hours per week then you can claim carers allowance for yourself as obviously you can't work.

If your mum claims attendance then she could have carers a couple of times a day. I'm not sure how it works in England as we have free personal care up here in Scotland.

Once you have an assessment done and you are in the system then life should in theory get easier. You need to be there and be very honest about what you are prepared to do for your mum because they will lump you with the lot if you show willing.
You have to be a bit hard hearted and say your time is limited and then they will not rely on you alone. Of course you can do more but say initially you can't do much. That way your mum will get the best of both worlds.
Carers will help her wash and dress, make simple meals and my mothers carers let her dog into the garden both morning and evening.

It is possible to put things in place that will take a lot if the burden off you.

When you are deciding what to say that you can do....you have to imagine that you had flu and couldn't get there. Make sure the level of care is enough for all eventualities.

Good luck....I'm there and doing this....my mother is nearly 93.


Honeybun
X

[CLKD]

   Honeybun.

Try not to feel guilty, she has paid her way in Life so is entitled to certain things to ease the passage of time!  She may even like some of her carers 

One has to be healthy in order to care for someone who is ill.  If the carer becomes ill or dies (which happens a lot) then someone will have to step in.  Make sure that you can continue being the daughter 

[robotwars]

Thanks for all your replies, I have also just read all 30 odd pages of the other thread CLKD told me about! very informative.
I'm going to try phoning social services tomorrow, will let you know how I get on!

[CLKD]

Tell your Mum's GP too.  Is there someone locally who could take over the ironing, locally we have several 'companies' who do all kinds of household chores.  If your town/village has a regular magazine you may find adverts., or perhaps your GP Surgery or local shop will know of ladies who 'do' 

Let us know how you get on!  Did you manage to read the whole thread without pausing for a cuppa/sleep/glass of wine 

[CLKD]

How are you getting on with this ?

[groundhog]

Yes I wondered that too?

Hope you are getting some help - don't burn yourself out - there is help out there x

[robotwars]

Well I have spoken to her community nurse and told her how bad everything is, she said that she would start the referral process for a social worker to be allocated and get an assessment done, she also said she would inform her GP,that was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything!!!!

[honeybun]

You have to prod them along.....often, be a complete nuisance, make them really so fed up of you they do something just to shut you up.


Worked for us 


Honeyb
X

[CLKD]

You could ring the person you spoke to and suggest that you have forgotten what she said the time scale is for referral?  Let us know! or you could speak with your Mum's GP to make sure that they are aware !

[robotwars]

Thanks, its proving difficult to get hold of the community nurse, she doesn't say when she is visiting my mother so its hard to be there when she arrives, I have tried phoning but it goes through to a call centre and they pass the messages on, it's a complete nightmare, we also keep getting different nurses, they are never the same person, I have left numerous messages at the call centre......I have also left two messages for her doctor, so hopefully soon we will get some action!!!!!

[CLKD]

Give your Mum's GP a ring and ask for a call back, you could then find out if the Nurses calling with her are relaying info back, that would be a starting point!  It shouldn't be such a long, drawn out process 

[CLKD]

Any news?

[robotwars]

Just thought I would give a quick update! After I pretended I had no car and couldn't get to my mothers, and I felt awful for doing it, mother mother finally admitted that she did need help! She phoned social services and asked for help, they sent out a occupational therapist who wasn't much help, we also went to view a care home which she loved and would like to move into but she has to have a care package in place before they will accept her. That was three weeks ago, I made several calls to social services with no response now I have telephoned adult social care and told them that I can no longer look after my mother, today I got a phone call from an advisor and she has now been marked as urgent, feel like we are getting nowhere fast! LOL - oh well at least she has admitted she needs help