Hi Lisajp
Sorry to hear you are suffering and your story is similar to many and I can understand your fears. My father died of cancer too.
Like you I used what I thought were alternative remedies when I was peri-menopausal ( Black Cohosh, phyotoestrogen rich diet etc) and thought it was helping but in reality it was just that my body was not far enough into peri-menopause and my oestrogen levels had not dropped far enough to make my symptoms severe.
When my periods were getting quite scarce (I was 53 1/2 when I had last natural period) just before I was 54 I just couldn't cope with the sweats and flushes(I was working almost full-time) and decided to take HRT. Like you I was worried about it as I hadn't read anything about it and had just heard the bad press.
When I googled some info I came up with this website (it must have been in its early days as it was 2007) which gave lots of information about the different types so I decided to start right from the beginning with a "nil-by-mouth" approach to hormone replacement and to use hormones that are biologically identical to those in our own body These are all available on NHS as Dancinggirl has already told you. I have been doing this since then and I am now 61.
Re the risks and benefits of HRT - there is a lot of information on this site and I would urge you to read as much as you can about it. If you look at the menu on the left - 3rd green tab down (Hormone Replacement Therapy) has lots of sub-tabs about risks and benefits. In particular you will see that aged under 60 the benefits exceed the risks.
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/balance.phpThere is also info about breast cancer risk:
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/risks.php Sorry to hear about your friend but it really is not possible to say that her breast cancer was caused by HRT. However many existing breast cancers are stimulated by oestrogen so added oestrogen can cause them to grow (this is how I understand it anyway).
It is also thought that bio-identical HRT is less associated with risks overall than tablet HRT with synthetic progestogens and equine oestrogens.
You can minimise your overall cancer risk by so many other lifestyle factors - by not smoking, limiting alcohol intake to within recommended limits, taking more exercise, reducing weight to healthy limits and eating healthy diet with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and limiting processed foods.
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/diet.phpThere was an article last week in the Daily Mail online in which Dr Currie founder of this site wrote in support of HRT.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2800760/should-women-hrt-menopause-experts-say-s-best-way-ease-symptoms-avoid-long-term-health-problems.htmlHRT will definitely improve bladder issues as well as many of the other symptoms. It is important to realise it is not a panacea but many women decide that despite some side effects or drawbacks they (I should say we because I am one!) feel better overall than without it.
As for putting off menopause - you don't really put it off as such. If/when you decide to come off - you may get hot flushes returning - but on the other hand you may not - but you won't get mood swings because your hormones will be stable so you ride through the rest of the peri-menopause.
I can say absolutely that my quality of life as I enter my 60's is positive! I am still working part-time, going away much more than I used to ( children more or less left now) and renewing old pleasures like going to festivals and live bands.
I don't see it as playing with hormones - just replacing oestrogen which is deficient - and can lead to other long term health problems. Of course it is a personal decision but needs to be made with all the most up-to-date information available - and this is where this site and the forum is great.
I hope I have helped a little with this
Hurdity x