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[Trey]

I will give you one answer, but this is so sensitive and I only answer as it might be good info to discuss with your physician and then your children.  If one holds their breath and bears down, as in having a somewhat forceful bowel movement, it is possible, in susceptible persons, to dislodge a clot, or create an irregular heart rhythm and other related changes to the heart.  It is called a commode coronary.  The holding of breath and bearing down is called the Valsalva maneuver and this maneuver is used on purpose for some medical situations. 

This is not to say this is what happened and again I repeat, I only write this as it is possible it may help your children.

I looked for all the clues I missed in Don's brain tumor and as a registered nurse, I beat myself up.  In the end I was the one to insist on a brain scan, but it did no good for me to feel, 'what if'?  Please, please don't take on anymore pain, but I do know that answers help and the idea it might prevent further harm help, too.

I know you asked CLKD.  Hope you don't mind my chiming in.

If I can help in any way, please feel free to pm me.

[choc57]

Thanks Trey, but it was just a wee. I do know what caused it as he had a PM.
It was artery atherosclerosis but he'd had no symptoms. Apparently it was severe in one artery and totally unexpected for someone of his age and fitness which is why the heart specialist has asked for my sons to be checked out. So far nothing has been found but they're going to be checked annually. Thank you x

[honeybun]

The exact same thing happened to my cousins husband. She is a nurse and she tried everything she knew to help him but as you already very sadly know there is nothing that anyone could have done.
My cousins husband was 32 and their baby girl was only 2.

She never knew her daddy.

Day at a time for now.

Take care.

Honeyb
x

[choc57]

Oh that's dreadful honeybun, so very sad.
Yes it seems that only 5% survive even with CPR and there's a high chance of some brain damage which would have been dreadful x

[Joyce]

Little steps choc.   

[jacquiellen]

So sorry for your loss. Your post means alot and it is so very true; today your post has stopped me in my tracks as I am guilty of moaning on in self pity about menopause. Thank you for your post it puts things into perspective and is a very valuable message! I can't even imagine how you must feel but hope things become easier with time.

[Kathleen]

Hello choc57.

I've just read your post and I am so sorry for your loss.

You say that the pm found evidence of arterial atherosclerosis, could this have been due to undiagnosed high cholesterol? I mention this because my friends husband was found to have this after he had a heart attack at 52, he had no symptoms and was fit and healthy with a good diet. It was discovered that he had a genetic predisposition to high cholesterol, two of his children were found to have inherited the condition and are being successfully treated with statins.  I hope you don't mind me mentioning all this but it may be of help to your sons.

Once again I send you my condolences and best wishes to your family.

Kathleen.   

[Dyan]

Choc57- just seen this thread.
So sorry to hear of your loss.
My thoughts are with you and your family. X

[choc57]

Thank you everyone.
No I don't mind at all Kathleen as I'm searching for answers. But no he didn't have high cholesterol but I'm pretty sure he had undiagnosed high blood pressure for many years and I think this is to blame. It causes hardening of the arteries. My sons thankfully don't have high blood pressure but this will be kept a close eye on x

[Winterose]

So sorry to hear your sad news, what a shock , nothing prepares you for the physical feelings of losing someone close, you are so right to tell us all to appreciate what we have , thinking of you, 

[Rowan]

I have had two traumatic scares with my OK, similar, and when my OH was in the loo,, fortunately I was there and the medics came very quickly and saved him, but this has left a very traumatic and stressful legacy for me (that awfull sound and how he looked haunts me he made each time) haunts me, so I felt very tearful when I read choc57's posts.

The problem is now that I am fearful to voice with OH things that are worrying me and need to be discussed and they build up and sometimes I do let rip and then am terrified that they might cause him to become ill and die and it will be my fault.

My OH has a tendency to not discuss things "important things" and sometimes stonewall me and can quite easily go to sleep and not makeup, so I lie awake terrified that something awful with happen. I think all men have this capacity.

I do cherish my OH but I am not a saint, but we must remember that our needs are important too and we need cherishing and to be understood too at times, I just wish I could get that "mindset"  and not be worrying constantly. OH is very caring but with certain things that are very important to me, he does not face.

I wonder if he had an underlying heat problem that had not been diagnosed and something like a pacemaker may have avoided what happened.

I feel very much for you choc57 and so sorry that you had to face this at such a young age, but you knew you loved him with all your heart and what more could a man want from his wife, I am sure he knew it.

[CLKD]

Thanks Trey.  I asked the question because it is known that many men of any age can go to the bathroom in the early hours and drop dead.  It happened to a friend of mine in the 1970s .......... she heard a thud and kind of knew 

You have a PM report which seems comprehensive.  Your sons are being watched.  It was quick for your husband but a huge shock for those left ........... gentle hugs ......... keep posting

I always insist that any men staying under our roof sit down to pee in the night (we've had this conversation recnetly on here) and they do once it has been explained what might happen.  DH always sits with his legs over the bed and gets up slowly if he goes to the bathroom in the early hours: or else ..........  my DH also doesn't worry in the same way as I do ........... probably because he knows how he feels and for me it's supposition 

[Greyhoundgal]

It must have been a dreadful shock for all of you and my heart goes out to you and your sons.  Know that you were loved and returned the love back to him, in time things will get easier but yes, it is a timely reminder to all of us to seize the day!

[SueRoe]

I'm so sorry to hear what's happened to you; it's what we all dread. It's natural for you to have regrets and re-run scenes from the past in your head, but nobody lives a perfect life and we all have days when we're not at our best. You're being hard on yourself. You had 35 happy years together and I'm sure you made your husband happy - he chose to support you after all - what a lovely thing to do. Thank you for  being strong enough to remind us all to cherish what we have - what a generous gesture for you to make at such a terrible time. Take care of yourself. Big Hugs.

[CLKD]

choc57 - are you lurking, if so, how are you?