I feel a bit wierd and split over Christmas this year - my Dad is terminally ill with oesphogeal cancer, and while I don't think there's any danger of him not being here at Christmas, it definitely be his last one and he can't eat solid food. And my Mum has Parkinson's and a crumbled vertebrae due to osteoporosis (she wished she'd listened to me now when her told her she needed to go on HRT when she was post-menopausal by the age of 42, but she wold never even consider it) and can't manage even a single doorstep, never mind a flight of stairs. I LOVE cooking Christmas dinner and have done a big dinner for as many people as possible for as long as I can remember, but this year ... Mum can't get into our house or manage the stairs to the loo, and Dad can't eat the food so I can't go to their bunglalow and do dinner there. So Christmas at home will be strange
![Cry :'(](https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/Smileys/extended/cry.gif)
But we have a static caravan on the East Coast - we can't go for Christmas itself (would love to) because I can't leave Mum and Dad alone for Dad's last Christmas, but it already feels 'festive' on-site. We'll be putting the tree up at the caravan this weekend (as we'll only be there 3 more times before Christmas) and I feel like enjoying the time there - but feel guilty for enjoying something my parents can no longer be part of.