Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Starla76]

Hi I’ve been struggling with perimenopause for years. I think I’ve probably had phases of every symptom to exist!

It has definitely changed me in that I’m more anxious than ever but also, I have enjoyed a fast paced job with high stress that I could handle until recently.

For the second time in a number of years, I have allowed myself to bullied at work and had a breakdown.

I’m on sertraline and started Elleste duet on Jan. The jury is out at the moment.

Now into my relationship- I’ve been with my partner 14 years. I also took in his daughter as my own nine years ago and support her. He has been unfaithful adding to my breakdowns but I’ve stayed with him. One time was when my dad died and i was grieving.

Now I had to leave my job and he is threatening to leave me as he says it isn’t fair that he has to cover all the bills, mine, household etc whilst I’m job hunting.


Me personally I would cover all bills if the situation was reversed. He’s making me out to be a recluse and lazy especially when he drinks (an awful lot).

I know my spark isn’t the same but I have no confidence as I’ve put on weight and every time he’s cheated, the women verbally abused me. Plus I’ve just been bullied.

I can feel some parts of my old self coming back gradually but what have others done to regain confidence? I’m not sure I can save my relationship, last night he said losing me wouldn’t mean anything and if I didn’t get a job then he was going to explode and this would end fast - I’m really trying to find work but I have a specialist career that pays really well but is harder to find work in/takes ages with numerous interviews. I hate relying on anyone but am I being unfair?? As I’d do the same for him and I thought a relationship was supporting each other in tough times I don’t understand why he’s so angry other than his ex’s have stopped working when they were with him. That isn’t me though.

I’m rambling now but I just feel so lost and alone.

[Blythe]

Sometimes I think that when we get to the point of reaching out and articulating the issues in writing to someone else, a forum and so on, we know the answers already. We don’t particularly want to read or hear them but I think you probably know what we will say.

I am 52 and 4 years ago my relationship went the same way - some of the same things playing out. It was an awful time. It turned me inside out and when I look back on how I felt was also effected by my peri menopausal state and that had been creeping up from mid 40s. You are being proactive and trying HRT and AD - that is brilliant. I have been messing around with that for ages now and determined at some point to find a balance but that is for another post. 

My advice is practical. Where will you live, how will you leave him, or can you ask him to leave, how will you live financially without him until you get a job? Relationships have dips and we all say terrible regrettable things but from what you sat in your post, I don’t think you should be looking to salvage this relationship.

[CLKD]

Morning.  Good advice to which I would add to make sure that you have separate monies going ahead.  Citizens Advice Bureau I believe had free sessions.  Get all your ducks in a row over the next few weeks then decide.

U could contact AlAnon for partner advice and support.  When people are in drink that is all that they think about.  People who are afraid become defensive.  He may be afraid that his needs will no longer be met so is using anger and threats to keep you were you are.  To his advantage.  There is also a Law about co-irsion [sp] so keep a note of his behaviour.

Look after yourself.  Keep on accessing HRT etc. and perhaps take the time in an appt to discuss the above with your GP.   

[sheila99]

I don't think he's a keeper. You're absolutely right about relationships, I would think it perfectly normal to support my partner if he couldn't earn and I'd expect him to do the same. Do you have any close friends you can confide in and who would support you emotionally if you choose to leave? Meno is hard for a lot of people and many do.lose their self confidence. Not sure what to suggest apart from hrt, maybe surround yourself with people who build you up instead of tear you down? I think you need to believe you're worth more than he's giving you. I'd love to see you get that fabulous well paid job and then kick him out  .

[CLKD]

No one said that life would be fair. 

[Ayesha]

So difficult reading this thread, that an intelligent and well educated woman in the 21st century can be trapped in a loveless relationship with a most repulsive male partner makes me sick to the stomach.

I hope you escape it as soon as you possibly can!   

[orrla]

Next time he starts saying all that, show him the door!

[Jules]

I've just read this and also found it hard. I think the first replies is correct. Once you start writing it down to others, it's because you know it's wrong. You're hoping someone will tell you different but I don't think so. I hope you find the resilience to get out of this.  Life might be harder financially  but simpler in every other way

[CLKD]

Morning.  If U feel unsafe then pack a few items and get to your GP or the Police.  Do U have pets to deal with?  There are organisations that will give advice because partners often use these as bargaining strategies