Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies, I really do appreciate them.
Jules - I do think I'm unfortunately making mine worse with my anxiety and I agree with trying a low dose anti anxiety med, I think I'd rather that than HRT, hopefully that will then also help with the panic attacks. It's good to hear yours eased, gives me hope. You hit the nail on the head about me being anxious when I'm out and about and also eating, I now dread every occasion and feel like crying as my life has changed so much. I too now eat early.
Taz2- thank you for the really helpful link and information, I'm so sorry to hear you've suffered for so long and really appreciate you posting even though you're busy, thank you. I'll definitely take a look at the link.
Penguin - thanks so much for your suggestions. Sadly already tried the non dairy route but it didn't help unfortunately.
Digestive enzymes sound really helpful, I've never heard of them but will definitely take a look.
Jaypo - you're so right, the doctors literally do fob people off and IBS is an easy diagnosis as nothing can really be proved. An allergy test is an option, I'll happily pay if I can get some answers thank you for suggesting. Glad you found it has helped you, gives me a little hope.
Thanks again all xx