Vicky81 The ladies here have been down this road before with you, two years ago, and all I have seen them doing is knock their heads against a brick wall.
No matter what advice they give you, you take no notice of it but continue to start more threads and in doing so, other threads get knocked further down and forgotten about.
Get the professional help you badly require, the ladies here really can't or shouldn't advise you further, you need specialist help.