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[Bella247]

I’m 47 and peri and I’ve been feeling so sad and anxious for so long now. I tried accessing support on the NHS and had the requisite 6 sessions of CBT which were alright but didn’t really help very much. I was then referred for treatment for PTSD and after waiting almost two years I was allocated a therapist. This sounds like I’m exaggerating but after one session with her I never went back. She was the most bizarre, cold person and I could tell instantly that having therapy with her would only make me feel worse. Honestly it sounds like I’m making this up, you would have to witness her in action to know what I mean. I emailed the service and said I’d decided therapy wasn’t for me and then ghosted them. I don’t want to go back there it was that much of a horrible experience. I feel like my only option now will be to pay privately. I think I can afford it if I really cut back and stop wasting money on stuff I don’t need but I don’t even know where or how to find a decent therapist. Does anyone have any words of advice on finding a therapist or what kind of therapy would be useful. I just want to feel ok.

[Nas]

Hi Bella,
Sorry to read that you are feeling rotten. Peri really can create havoc with one’s brain and body. Could the sadness and anxiety, be hormone linked at all? Are you on HRT?

Perhaps there is a deeper underlying issue, which is being exacerbated by fluctuating hormones?

I have never used a therapist, but can imagine that if you don’t gel with the person, it’s not going to be very beneficial.

I guess you need to first decide what the trigger factors are? It might be that there are none and you simply feel sad. The reason I asked about HRT, is because lack of oestrogen can cause anxiety and sadness. Would it be worth reading up on the different types of HRT, then making a GP appoint to discuss further?

Do you have a local MIND walk in near you?

If looking to go private, make sure the therapist is BACP registered. I can imagine different therapists work with clients based on the type of therapy they need. What is important, is that you find one whom you trust.

Do you have a good support next work around you?

Sorry for all the questions! I’m sure some of the lovely ladies will be along soon to support you.

Take care.

[CLKD]

I too have walked from sessions when a therapist told me that I 'had to think about something to trigger a panic attack'.  Well no, 4 me panic starts with physical symptoms not a thought process.  So well done on walking away!

CBT never worked for me as my phobia started within 8 hours of being born.

Sometimes keeping a journal can help too.  Venting. 

[Bella247]

Hi Nas

Thanks for replying. I’m not taking HRT apart from vaginal oestrogen. Logically I know this is wrong but I have very bad health anxiety and the risks (even though I know they are overstated) make me terrified.

I had a very traumatic childhood. One of the things that happened was my dad died suddenly when I was 8. I have been diagnosed with the same condition that killed him. Since my daughter was born I have been fixated with and terrified of death. I’ve had CBT therapy on the nhs which was ok but didn’t really touch the sides.

I don’t really have a great support system. I don’t get along with my family and I find that I isolate myself from others for fear that they will leave me or let me down. I know these are issues that I need to talk through or just live with.
The last few years I have just felt these deep sadness that I can’t shake off at all. I’m not sure whether HRT helps with anxiety and sadness. If it would definitely help I would but im afraid of trying something that doesn’t work and makes me feel worse.

[Bella247]

Hi CKLD thanks for replying. I’ve never tried journaling. Maybe that’s not a bad idea

[Minusminnie]

Does anyone have any words of advice on finding a therapist or what kind of therapy would be useful. I just want to feel ok.

Psychology today have a tab for finding a private counsellor in your local area.  You can then narrow it down by type and imho it helps to see peoples photos and read their descriptions. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb

[Nas]

Hi again Bella,
Being diagnosed with the same condition which killed your dad, must be hugely stressful and terrifying, so it would be hard to know whether HRT would help with how you feel.

It sounds as though this is something deep rooted from childhood, possibly now exacerbated by peri (possibly not).

You would likely benefit from some counselling, but obviously with one whom you can build a trusting relationship with.

Definitely do your research and make notes on their profiles. If paying privately, you want to be seeing the right person.

[CLKD]

Morning.  U may find in the interim that 'CRUSE' - run for the bereaved by the bereaved - of use.  It may be that you didn't grieve as a child.  Also, seeking up2date advice about the medication condition and concerns that you worry about for yourself and your daughter might be another way of being able to talk about what happened to your Dad.

Finding the right counsellor is great - someone who can listen.  They won't 'tell U what to do' but should be able to give advice about how to approach your issues.  How old is your daughter?

[Stella2]

Hello Bella,
Sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds awful. Just to mention that I had bad experience with my first CBT, but the second one with  a different therapist was helpful. I just wanted to mention EMDR therapy for PTSD but also for other issues. I have found a BACP accredited EMDR therapist in my area and although I do not suffer from PTSD, I thought that my anxiety and panic might be linked to some traumatic events from my past. EMDR was helpful, and it was not more expensive than other counselling. I would recommend to try, you can read more about EMDR on various websites.
Also, if it was me,  I would speak to the team who offered me PTSD therapy and ask if they could link me with another therapist. I think that there is importance of being treated by the therapist we can find connection with. The same as we should be able to ask for second opinion about our health issues.

Wishing you well.

[Jules]

I too would maybe have asked about the possibility of a change of therapist. Therapists also sometimes decide they can't work with the client so it's not a problem to ask. I would also make sure you are tapping into an appropriately qualified, registered and experienced person. I once taught someone who was accepted onto counselling training and in my view she wasn't a suitable candidate. A clinical psychologist might help but nit sure they do that type of work now.