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[PM16]

Hi I am new to this site, so a big hello to everyone.

Aged 36-39 my periods reduced in frequency with symptoms of hot flushes and night sweats.

I am now 39 years old and I have not had a period for a year so GP has confirmed premature menopause with the necessary blood tests.

Although the symptoms of sweats/hot flushes etc have not been nice, I have hidden them from my parents (who I live with).

The symptoms do not bother me; what does upset me is that I have had an awful dating life and I have not had a serious relationship.I didn't want to rush to have kids with the wrong guy. I am single and childless and I am trying to accept that I cannot have children of my own. I always wanted children and although I knew my chances were reducing, I still thought I had a tiny chance of potentially being a mother until my early 40s. Family members have had children aged 41. I wasn't expecting to have missed the boat aged 39.

I don't know any childless women who have gone through premature menopause. I read about women having premature menopause induced by other conditions or treatments eg cancer. Many of them have either had children already or had their eggs frozen.

Is anyone in the same boat as me?
Can anyone relate?

Online dating is harsh, with most guys looking to meet someone to begin a family with.

I have read about the awful time some of you are having with menopause, however I urge you to remind yourself of the blessings of children that many of you already have. I would much rather be in your position than mine.

Any responses/advice are much appreciated.

[CLKD]

Faced with the loss of reproduction years can be a bit of a reminder that we age. 

Why go onto dating sites?  U could become involved in clubs etc. so that you can mix with all types of people with similar interests?  R your parents sociable?

There is also a group, daisy website, for premature menopause, might be worth while looking there too.

Hopefully some1 will be along when they see your thread. 

[PM16]

Thank you for your reply.

Yes we have a huge extended family, we are very sociable. However, for many years it has been very difficult to meet new people in an organic manner. My family and friends are all busy in their own lives with their kids and don't really know any other singletons. Again as a single person its bittersweet watching everyone around you settle down and have families of their own. In the job I am in I don't get the chance to meet new guys.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some great guys via online dating. (Just not THE one) Unfortunately some awful ones too. But that can happen in any method of dating. Especially post covid, online dating seems the main way of speaking to new people.

Yes I am trying to join different activities too. Fingers crossed xx

Btw, are premature menopause and POI interchangeable terms?

[CLKD]

R U able to explain POI?

Premature is when medics consider a woman is too young !  Many will tell ladies that 38 etc. is 'too young'.  Whereas our bodies do different things, medicine seems to want a guide line to work against.

Have a browse round.  Make notes.  We talk about everything here, even menopause  .  Gardening, dog/cat threads, exercise, cycling, holidays .......

Ask away.  Don't give up on the love bug, my friend didn't marry until he was 55 

[SarahT]

Hi
This is not a subject I know about, but there are some members on here who have also gone through early menopause.

Today, in the new members section a lady who is also in premature menopause has posted. Maybe the two of you may have some similar symptoms and understandably emotional difficulties that may help each other?

[PM16]

POI is Primary Ovarian Insufficiency

I "think" it is the same as premature menopause but I am reading into it all

[CLKD]

Tnx.  Obvious when it's written in full  .

How do U feel overall? 

[PM16]

I knew I was going through perimenopause myself when it all started aged 36. It has taken time to register. I am just upset (not depressed) and genuinely gutted at the how life takes these unexpected turns.

It is just hard watching everyone around me with kids when I know I will not have that.

Although there is so much more awareness regarding menopause on media etc it stares me in the face everywhere I look. Going through it prematurely, sometimes I just don't want to think about what it truly means for me. On the flip side the awareness helps me accept the reality. Like I said earlier, its not the symptoms that annoy me, its just the bigger picture for a single, childless person that it affects.

Dating is more difficult because guys typically want to date younger women to maximise their chances of having kids. The dating pool gets smaller and smaller by the day.

If I had a partner maybe it would be easier knowing I have someone I can call my own, but being single is making it an even lonlier an experience. On the flip side if I did have a partner, I would have felt awful for being responsible for not being able to conceive if my partner desperately wanted kids. Maybe meeting someone in the future who knows the situation would feel easier because they would know the situation they were getting involved in from day 1. 

I just have to keep going, some people have much bigger problems in life. I am still grateful for everything I have. I cannot change things that I simply don't have any control over.

Thank you for asking, it is really appreciated.

[CLKD]

However: we R all aware that others have different problems and challenges but this is *your* situation    sometimes 1 has to grieve for the hope that we no longer have .....

Acceptance can be hard.  [been there for other reasons]. 

[Koala82]

Hi PM16, I’m have POI as well. I’m 41. I started noticing vaginal dryness mid 30’s and by late 30’s I was experiencing hot flashes, loss of libido, fatigue, and my periods stopped.

Re fertility, there is still a chance (albeit slim) of natural conception. However for women with POI by far the most successful way of getting pregnant is with donor egg IVF. So you still have options :-)

There is a difference between POI and menopause. POI is classed as a disease/disorder whereas menopause is a natural event. There is some evidence to suggest that POI presents with worse meno symptoms. Lucky us!

I hope you are taking HRT or contraceptive pill. It’s really important that we get replacement oestrogen at our age

[PM16]

Hi Koala82, thank you for your message, I really appreciate it.

May I ask when your periods stopped? Do you have children already?

I am waiting for second blood test to confirm premature menopause before speaking to GP regarding HRT.