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[SarahT]

Its a very honest post Penguin.
Your days are much like many of ours. Sometimes we are ok, sometimes we arent. But we're still here supporting each other and that really helps.

a big hug to you today xx

[Penguin]

Its a very honest post Penguin.
Your days are much like many of ours. Sometimes we are ok, sometimes we arent. But we're still here supporting each other and that really helps.

a big hug to you today xx

Thanks SarahT, hug accepted and returned. And has made me tearful, mayne I need a good cry that usually helps. My work contract will start up again in January hopefully whereas i was hopimg for right after school went back, think I need to get out and do something before then, even if just voluntary work.

[Ama]

Reading your posts has made me realise that there are others who are have similar experiences to me.  It also gives me to strength to persevere.  Peri menopause can definitely pass as my worst life experience.  The anxiety and depression hit me so suddenly and the effects have left me traumatised and always in fear of re-experiencing these symptoms.  I am now on 75 oestrogen patches and 200 Utrogestan as well as AD.  I have good days and bad days but very fearful of the bad days.  I will say there is some improvement but nothing near who I used to be.  I am hoping that on the right balance of HRT and AD, I will begin to feel me old self. 

Well done, ladies because you are all trying to make the best of what menopause has thrown at you.

[Penguin]

Reading your posts has made me realise that there are others who are have similar experiences to me.  It also gives me to strength to persevere.  Peri menopause can definitely pass as my worst life experience.  The anxiety and depression hit me so suddenly and the effects have left me traumatised and always in fear of re-experiencing these symptoms.  I am now on 75 oestrogen patches and 200 Utrogestan as well as AD.  I have good days and bad days but very fearful of the bad days.  I will say there is some improvement but nothing near who I used to be.  I am hoping that on the right balance of HRT and AD, I will begin to feel me old self. 

Well done, ladies because you are all trying to make the best of what menopause has thrown at you.

Spot on! Even when I am okay, I am anxious about the anxiety coming back 🤷‍♂️

[EllaAurora]

I was reading all the replies above and feel like I could have just written those myself! I wasn't sure when I started the thread if anyone could relate but sadly, it seems what I'm going through is more common that I thought. PTSD and trauma caused by menopausal symptoms.   I, too, feel traumatised by what happened to me and while I've been much better over the past year or so, it's like a dark cloud over me all the time. Will the anxiety return, how will I cope for the second time around, what if it gets even worse... And I'm on constant lookout for even the smallest sign of if all returning. So even if I'm generally feeling better, I'm not feeling like I used to because I'm just so fearful and have lost confidence on my own body and mind. And I find myself limiting my activities a lot simply because of this fear. For instance, I can no longer travel on my own because.. what if it all hits while I'm abroad by myself. I just hate it and feel like I'm not 'me' and its starting to have an impact on my job as well (I'm supposed to travel occasionally but have managed to avoid it this far, not sure how much longer).

I'm 3 years into full perimenopause (vague symptoms started much earlier),... so I guess I'm hoping I'd be on the other side of this soon, but not really sure as I got my period today. (not helping with the mood)

Sending hugs to all, so thankful for this forum

[SarahT]

I think you can see that many of us can related to your thread Ella, so although we have been in our own forms of hell, even those of us who feel more stable now share your black cloud, the fear that we will go backwards again.

In effect, you starting this thread may have helped some of us in that we can again identify with others, that despite the trauma, the awfulness of it all, we are not alone in this. That provides some comfort and I suspect some relief - I often question myself with the is this just me thoughts, or that I am just not strong enough as a person. In my more stable rational days I know for certain that is not true. But those black days it can be hard to see that.

Take care of yourself x

[trandall]

Hi lovely I can totally relate I was so relieved when the HRT helped the really high anxiety I got when menopause started. I never thought it would help but it did, however I have the same feeling of less joy and more worry than I have ever had in my life. Almost as though initially I was grateful for the improvement the HRT gave then when I settled realised that every so often I have that horrible feeling of dread and pending doom. The rest of the time I can feel I am just getting by each week and definitely find it hard to get excited about things holidays nights out etc etc. I’m thinking of discussing different HRT or even something from the GP to support my mental health. Good to know we are not alone but wish it wasn’t this

[Penguin]

I think you can see that many of us can related to your thread Ella, so although we have been in our own forms of hell, even those of us who feel more stable now share your black cloud, the fear that we will go backwards again.

In effect, you starting this thread may have helped some of us in that we can again identify with others, that despite the trauma, the awfulness of it all, we are not alone in this. That provides some comfort and I suspect some relief - I often question myself with the is this just me thoughts, or that I am just not strong enough as a person. In my more stable rational days I know for certain that is not true. But those black days it can be hard to see that.

Take care of yourself x

Definitely SarahT, it has helped reading this thread today so thank ypu Ella for starting the discussion. I thought I was on my own with the anxiety about getting anxious again feelings, and the whole trauma / ptsd angle that really is terrifying. I literally cannot think about how I felt and behaved some of last year. It definitely is good to talk and I wish I'd joined this group then as I may well have got proper help (in the form of hrt) sooner.

[Jett]

Thank you for starting this thread.  I too feel like a shell of who I used to be and I am certainly not at my worst right now.  I have been scared I was going to have to give up my job several times especially over the last 2 years. Anxiety, brain fog, total loss of confidence, inability to deal with stress which I would used to be able to deal with no problem and debilitating fatigue.

I still don’t have my balance right with HRT yet but I am better than I was for sure. I get freaked out when a really bad day throws me and sets me back that I can’t function properly that I will have to give up my job.  It does feel like PTSD but there has also been major loss and grief for me to process over the last years so it’s hard to figure out what’s menopausal and what’s life stress sometimes…

I wish once some sort of stability was found you would know it would last but you never know when the next random symptom will knock you off kilter or you will feel like you are completely losing it.

And I don’t even have it as bad as lots of you do. Nas when I read of the terrible pain you are in I get so angry you can’t get the medical expertise you need to help you, it’s outrageous.

This would not be happening to us all if men went through this but we all know that.  It’s just mind blowing the whole thing.

Rant over. Peace and love to you all xxx

[tambourine queen]

This thread is so comforting. Thank you for starting it. I’ve just come off HRT due to issues with progesterone and my mental health and I’ve been so bad that I’ve now started an AD. Might go back to the hormones later. But im just coming out of a really bad patch and im so traumatised by it that I’ve gone back to counselling.
I can’t believe I’ll ever feel normal again right now.

[Dorothy Gale]

Heartbreaking reading all your replies but a comfortvto know I'm not alone.

I'm already suffering from a severely incapacitating illness that has similar symptoms to peri. M.E fatigue brain fog aches and pains, digestion issues, headaches, anxiety, insomnia, cognitive disfunction.....

Then I got covid. Never recovered.

Then the peri hit and I've never been so ill in my life. I'm bedridden and have been since February. I'm used to being bedbound at times with my M.E but since I got covid and now peri...I literally cannot get up.

I feel completely alone as most of you are otherwise healthy women who are now dealing with the beast that is perimenopause or menopause.....and you're in hell.

I feel like there is no way out at all.

I'm used to being very ill as I have been for 30 years so I guess I'm well trained in it which has given me the tools to cope now......

BUT have refused all meds and HRT due to intolerance and the anxiety over feeling even more ill than I do now...stops me trying them.

I honestly am terrified and because I have M.E it just muddies the waters and makes it all worse as I cannot get out n about and escape it all.

Being in this forum is a comfort...but also it terrifys me because nearly every thread is some form of hell that you're sadly experiencing and I see all this ahead for me....I'm in late perimenopause and know its only the beginning of a long road of misery.

There are support listening ear helplines for M.E. I wish there was for menopause.

I'm just existing now. Not living  so sad.

There's no one ever with hope or encouragement for me that I can get through it or improve.....people just say how awful it is for me and my gp can only offer meds.

So sad. I used to be such a happy fun loving girl. I cannot see any future. I also feel for my partner who has lost his girl. He's just retired. It was meant to be this new chapter in our lives we had planned for years. But now all that is ruined because of me.

[Peri2022]

Hello Dorothy, I know we’ve been in touch on another thread but I just wanted to pop on and say I’m so sorry that you’re feeling hopeless. It’s also important to point out that while it’s so helpful for those of us who are struggling to share our stories here, we’re a bit of a self-selecting bunch and so you won’t hear the stories of the many many women who continue to be happy and well in peri/meno. They are definitely out there. Your situation sounds incredibly challenging but I do hope that you can find some kind of way forward. You’re right that there really should be a listening service for peri/meno but in the meantime, things like Samaritans are there for any and all issues and they are really very good. Keep talking, keep reaching out.

[Dorothy Gale]

Hello Dorothy, I know we’ve been in touch on another thread but I just wanted to pop on and say I’m so sorry that you’re feeling hopeless. It’s also important to point out that while it’s so helpful for those of us who are struggling to share our stories here, we’re a bit of a self-selecting bunch and so you won’t hear the stories of the many many women who continue to be happy and well in peri/meno. They are definitely out there. Your situation sounds incredibly challenging but I do hope that you can find some kind of way forward. You’re right that there really should be a listening service for peri/meno but in the meantime, things like Samaritans are there for any and all issues and they are really very good. Keep talking, keep reaching out.

Bless your heart for reaching out to me. You'll never know how much it helps. Thank you. You're very kind and caring.
I appreciate it hugely.
The smallest of kindness really can make the difference to someone who's lost hope.
Dorothy xx

[Peri2022]

Lots of love to you Dorothy. Keep the chin up xx

[SarahT]

Also.Dorothy, you say that " it's all ruined because of me ". P!ease.remember that you health is not a choice you made for yourself. So it cannot be your fault. I do I understand what you mean, I had CFS many years ago, for me it was moderate rather than severe as it is for you. It lasted almost 5 years. I too bad  this 30 years ago, and probably as you know it was all quite new, little was known. I was just left to get on with it, it took 2 entire years before a Dr even told me it was CFS no advice or help at all.

Lately I have been severely  exhausted particularly after exertion. And I do feel bad I am letting my husband down by not being able to do house or garden tasks as well as I did, even having to stop and sit down on a short walk. This is someone who a year ago would work 6 hours in the garden then go for a 2 hour power walk. Slowly this has gone.
I had many blood tests etc,to investigate and yesterday the gp told me the cfs has returned after being triggered by perimenopause. I am gutted. I don't feel as bad as I do previously but this relapse has stunned me. And my overriding fear is letting my husband down.

But I am on hrt and yes, our stories may not all be good. BUT despite this I am certainly so much better on hrt than off it. Genuinely. I couldn't be without it. I like others have had setbacks but seem to be hormonal stable now. It is So worth it for me.

Can you maybe consider that hrt  may actually help you? You are in a dreadful way of health now,  can you try to rethink that hrt may be a benefit to to your body and not make things worse? could it be worse than you are now? and I in no way mean that insensitively.
On my original bout of cfs I did become sensitive to stimu lants, like caffeine and alcohol so I understand you have been intolerant to medications before.
Are there also ME forums of others in your position who may be able to offer advice?

Do keep posting, whilst practical help isn't always possible, you are not alone. X