Hello hopeful,
As Flossie says, please don't hate yourself. Of course your experiences have been awful. Atrophy is horrible. Not just the physical discomfort\ pain but that alone can make you feel low.
I use ovestin cream every night internally. It stings if I use it on my outer lips, so that is where I use the YES moisturiser. I do need to reapply that a lot during the day.
Please speak to a gp or nurse at your surgery to discuss any suitable alternatives or to provide an up to date prescription. for you.
Many on here have health anxiety, and my own anxiety went through the roof with perimenopause worsening. I also increased my hrt gradually to avoid my body having too much too soon. due to your sensitivity you are wise to use this approach.
Take care
