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[Sam2023]

Hi ladies and so pleased to find this website, feel less alone!

I started on everol patch 50 Aig 2022 increased to 75 then moved to ostrogel 3 or 4 pumps each time symptoms returned (hot, itchy, interrupted sleep/insomnia headaches) Think last proper bleed was sep 22. Mirena coil replaced Feb 23 with some spotting now stopped.
But since last October mood progressively worse. Then in Jan and Feb had some personal circumstances. shocks which did not help. 

In May gp suggested trying CBT 1st although did prescribe 20mg citalopram if wanted immediate relief. I on 4 pumps Maximum oestrogel so gp thought it separate issue.   Took ADs and felt almost immediate relief but after a week was worried about the side effects (v sleepy and sexual dysfunction) and managed to get onto the CBT course so weaned off AD and did 6 week course which helped a bit (or could be the AD had lifted me).
But v low mood returned.
Gp also then did a blood test and oestrogel is being absorbed 1720mg so advised to reduce to 3 (having read other posts I thought too high level maybe cause of the depression) but since i reduced it felt worse so have gone back to 4. I read another thread that levels can fluctuate and not to go by blood test. Gp suggested taking 10mg to reduce the side effects.

Shall I just bite the bullet and take the ADs? I have slight ocd developed in puberty and have had slight low mood undercurrent over the years but exercise has helped but no longer seems as effective.

I really wanted to fight this without ADs as have had worse situations and shocks but managed to cope but my body just feels fatigued and sometimes nauseous.

Also my mother and recently 19 Yr old diagnosed with depression, said had it for a while no particular trigger but uni made it worse, so may be a hereditary/lack of serotonin issue. (This being one of my recent shocks).

I am bit concerned about coming off in due course, withdrawal symptoms. Also side effects but the not really in mood in the bedroom but looking for release to help lift the mood but maybe we can't have it all and the ADs will have to do the job alone!

I took prozac 20+ years ago. Can't remember the side effects. Came off within the year when fell pregnant and don't recall major withdrawal problems.

I have seen here some women cannot take ADs so maybe I am being ungrateful.

I watch my diet, exercise, mindfulness don't know what else to do. Thought I was nearly there but going on forever!

Any comments appreciated. The ADs may I suppose reduce the need for 4 pumps hrt as ADs did help with sleep when I took it for a week.

Thank you.

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Sam and welcome to the forum.

I have been on AD's all my adult life and would not be here if I had not taken them. There is nothing wrong with taking something if it is going to help you to feel better. As you have OCD and low mood I think they are well worth a try. Feeling sleepy was not a nice side effect but often side effects for AD's wear off after a few weeks. It can take time to find the right one but if you do then that would be great.

As for stopping them, if you ever wanted to then you would wean yourself off them. I am sure your GP would help you with that. I personally am going to stay on mine for life.

Depression can run in families and I am sorry to hear you and your 19 year old are dealing with this.

Some women do need more oestrogen then the recommended NHS dose and a menopause clinic can prescribe more. If you wanted to then you could ask your GP to refer you to an NHS menopause clinic. Just thought I would let you know in case you were not aware of that.

It is great the CBT was helpful. This is often a step into getting more therapy so please ask your GP if you wish to have something more in-depth.

It is good you have found the forum. You will find much support on here.

[Sam2023]

Thank you very much flossieteacake those pointers are v helpful.
Just being asked to discuss with someone who understands is a weight off.
Hope all is well with you.

[SarahT]

Hello Sam, welcome,

In some ways I have been in a similar position to yourself. Along with the hormonal upheaval I also have had recent serious  family difficulties to work with.
You are going through an awful lot right now. Am sorry it is so hard for you right now.

When I was first struggling with perimenopause symptoms I wanted to try not to go onto hrt. For mood swings and mental health wise I decided  to take sertraline  ( and AD) and also took a course of CBT, like you it helped at the time. But as my peri symptoms for progressively worse I decided I really need to go onto hrt, I am on patches and mirena coil. At the same time I weaned myself off the AD.

Fast forward and my moods got a lot worse, mine are very much linked to my natural cycle. I did not want to go onto AD's as I saw this as a step backwards, and although I have family problems I saw the moods as only being hormonal related and if I took care of the hrt, my cause of mood of you like, then it would completely help my moods.
I was wrong. It just was not enough and I was getting worse. After some debate, and some advice on here, I spoke honestly with a g.p and went back on a low dose of AD, I went for Mirtazapine, as it seems not to affect sexual function like other ADs can.it helps me sleep, though I can be a bit drowsy in the day sometimes, something I am willing to put up with. I could not carry on as I was.

 I now see this as another part of support for my mind and body. I am on a very low  dose as I say, and if and when the time comes to cease, I will do so with my gps support. I am also on a waiting list for therapy to work with everything else that is piling up in my life right now.

It was a hard decision for me to go back onto an AD, but tbh, I just could not cope any more with everything going on in me and around me. It's early days but I feel I have made the right decision. I see it hopefully as a stepping stone, a much need temporary extra support. But like Flossie says it makes sense to take something that can help you feel better.

do be kind to yourself, there is so much going for you. Do try if you can to continue the exercise and mindfulness, some time just for you.

[Sam2023]

Hello SarahT

Thank you so much. It is good to know of others in a similar position although of course not good to be in this position.

I think I had come to the inevitable conclusion but your and Flossieteacake's messages have given me support and reassurance.

Sorry I just sent a quick reply to Flossie yesterday as family were nearby. I feel for you and my son was in a similar position so know 1st hand of the importance and impact of ADs.

I do get v low at times, with fleeting thoughts of walking into traffic so will have to sort, regardless of side effects the mh is more important.

I found I was improving as the day went on but not always the case now. Maybe more relaxed and spending time with family.

Just feels like a mystery I cannot solve. Why and how. Maybe AI will be able to read our brains in future and resolve (heard they helped a man walk again not sure if sure). As others have said it all seems trial and error.

Had been searching for answers on google and found some old useful threads including helpful posts from CKLD.

Had some energy yesterday to post although perhaps disclosed a bit too much.

I truly thank you again for the supportive comments. I wish you all the best.

[Flossieteacake]

Please do not think you have disclosed too much. This is a friendly and supportive forum were you can talk about how you feel. By talking things through you can get the support you need.

I noticed you saying you have fleeting thoughts of walking into traffic. Do you have any urges to act on this? I think it is very sensible of you to put your MH first. I think mental wellbeing is so important and it is vital to get support when it is needed. Feeling depressed can feel so isolating and lonely. Through talking you can see you are not alone and people do care.

Please feel free to post as much as you wish to. You may even like to post on the lighter threads for a distraction and a chat.

[SarahT]

Hello Sam,

I wish I had the answers as to how and why some of us feel the way we do. Just sometimes it's all Just too much to cope with.

I would urge you to speak to a g.p again, to discuss how you feel and also your worries about taking ADs. I do feel you need some medical support  with the way you are feeling. As to having those fleeting thoughts... Someone once  posted on here ' a thoughty is not a naughty' something  I often remind myself. Yet I did know I also needed to seek medical help. Taking medication for mental health is I think a strength, a way to help another part of our body when it needs it.

As for thinking you may disclose too much, well, I genuinely feel this forum is a safe place to unload anything that concerns our physical and mental health and all that life  can throw at us, sometimes it's hard to disclose things to those in our day to day life as we may feel they just don't understand.

Just seen Flossie has replied similarly too!  You are not alone as she wisely says

do take care

[Sam2023]

Thank you both.
Yes the thoughts were fleeting, no urge to act on them.
I will speak to my gp.
Wish you all the best.