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[Taz2]

If you had an episiotomy is can also lead to prolapse. The weeing may be down to bladder prolapse. Have you been given pelvic floor exercises or an examination for prolapse? Obviously they didn't realise the damage episiotomies an do when it was routine to give everyone one. There is some info here about the effect on the pelvic floor https://urogynaecology.com.au/what-causes-prolapse/

Taz x

[meno-mel]

If you had an episiotomy is can also lead to prolapse. The weeing may be down to bladder prolapse. Have you been given pelvic floor exercises or an examination for prolapse? Obviously they didn't realise the damage episiotomies an do when it was routine to give everyone one. There is some info here about the effect on the pelvic floor https://urogynaecology.com.au/what-causes-prolapse/

Taz x

Thanks Taz, I thought I had prolapse after my first son and stitches, far too many to count, by the time I had my third kid, the GP agreed with me and said, "Yes, you need to concentrate more on your pelvic floor exercises" and left me to it. It was embarrassing, I hated him and he had his hand inside me at the time, so he was telling me I couldn't squeeze his hand.
I was later told by genetics those doctors had completely missed my somewhat obvious medical condition which gave me between 10-15% chance of bleeding to death at each pregnancy/birth. It's good to know we're in safe hands!
I'm still not sure what pelvic floor exercises actually consist of.

[Wrensong]

meno-mel,

I'm still not sure what pelvic floor exercises actually consist of

I'd ask to see a Women's Physio, they are fab at helping with pelvic floor issues.  There is also a good book called The Pelvic Floor Bible by Jane Simpson.

Polly, I agree with the suggestion to give testosterone a try.
Wx

[Stella2]

Hi Pollydollydoodle,
I agree that trying Testosterone is a good idea, just wonder about the part where you said that you don't miss intimacy at all.
Many women feel like that, some carry on with intimacy occasionally to please their partners. I saw in the paper yesterday this statement: 'I have got to an age where I'm just not interested. It's almost like a burden has been lifted- with apologies to my husband '. It is not very often to see a celebrity saying this.
I agree it's hard for partners but women do so many things for others during their lifetimes, and this might be just another sacrifice needed to keep the relationship going.  Unless your partner can understand and accept this. I guess it's important to ask yourself how you feel about this.

[CLKD]

Have U printed off 'hints for husbands' from the Forum ?

[Jules]

I was married for 34 years. By the time we separated our sex life and physical contact had stopped. I found sex painful so I avoided it. I didn't know it was menopause,  i thought it was because i was tense. It was probably both.  In addition,  I had no desire, it was a chore, I just wanted to be left alone. It wasn't the only reason we separated I have to say but will have contributed. For the most we had a decent life together and were good friends. 3 years later I met a man, a bit younger than me, and I suddenly found desire again, even with the menopause issues, I wasn't put off. I found him very attractive and we still have a friends with benefits relationship 6 years on. He was very experienced and without the constraints of commitment and a life together it was liberating and exciting. Still is. So I'm trying to say, things are rarely straightforward.  I know now that solving my menopause issues wouldn't have saved my marriage.  I had libido, just not for him. We had become like siblings. We are actually  friends again and had family Sunday lunch together yesterday but I have no romantic feelings. The other man makes me feel 20 again and it provoked me to sort out my VA in order to maintain a sex life. That said we are all different and content in different ways and want different things from life and if I hadn't met anyone,  maybe I'd have been ok never being touched again. I'll never know

[CLKD]

Sexual chemistry is a powerful drug.  Well done Jules ..........

[Bandango42]

I can totally relate to Jules. I was married for nearly 20 years but after I had my children, my libido totally disappeared and when I hit peri it became even worse, I didn't even want to be touched. I only had sex to please my husband and the lack of it caused numerous rows although he was very understanding. It was the only thing we rowed about. I loved him very much but would have been totally happy never to have sex again. We separated 4 years ago and not long after I met up with my high school sweetheart. We've been together ever since and our sex life is amazing. There is never a day I don't want it 😂 my ex and I are great friends and I still have a lot of love for him but like Jules says, we are like siblings now. I don't know how easy it is to get desire back once it's gone, for me I know it never would have returned had we stayed together.

[Jules]

Sexual chemistry is a powerful drug.  Well done Jules ..........

I think also we had been together since we were 18, grown up together, it became the same routine all those years. He met someone else in the end butbin hindsight it had already been lost. I would never have wanted to divorce, it was devastating and financial suicide and id never encourage anyone unless its irretrievable, but re the sex,  it shows how the lack of desire can worsen menopausal symptoms, the tension and anxiety. And though this isn't going anywhere, he's an eternal bachelor, it was reassuring to know I still could do it, the pain went though i had the UTI thing, and to be reminded of how it can be. I just had to take a step and get the right treatment.

[CLKD]

We've been together since 1970 

[Jules]

We've been together since 1970 

That's wonderful. You must be very happy together.  My parents were together 70 years. Longevity in a relationship is becoming an achievement