Hi all
First of all I want to say thank you for the wealth of knowledge I've already discovered whilst I have been lurking in the shadows, building up the courage to say hello and ask any questions.
I am 41 and just started HRT at the end of May. I had been experiencing symptoms for around 4-5 years, but without really realising it. The only symptoms I was really aware of was the hot flushes, having come from a family where we don't really talk about that sort of thing.... Two years ago I went to the GP as I had already had 2 years of hot flushes and sleepless nights, only to get laughed out the surgery (by a female doctor) as I was 1) too young and 2) on the progesterone only contraceptive pill, so she said any bloods done would throw a low result so wasn't worth doing.
Back in April/May I went to GP again, having gone off sick from work, feeling completely unable to cope with my workload (a job I have been in for over 10 years and very capable at!), crying, like, all the time, memory function starting to slip... I thought I had genuinely lost the plot, especially having just spent the last 5 years watching 3 loved ones deteriorate with forms of dementia. I wondered if early onset was my thing. Doctor listened to my symptoms, prescribed me some anti-depressants (which I didn't want but sold them to me as would help with night sweats too) sent me for blood tests, expecting a low score because of my pill, but had said "even if it's below 30, we'll still repeat them a second time, just in case". Had my results come in at 75!!!! I was shocked, I kind of knew I was, but still, I'm only 41. I was kinda relieved I guess, as it answered so many questions, once I started my own research and discovering what menopause really meant.
Anyway, at this point he prescribed me an oestrogen gel, for every night, and utrogestan, to be used for days 14-28. Thanks to you guys I worked out HRT would create me a new cycle, as I didn't know when my cycle was, as being on POP I haven't had a period in 10 years, so I started oestrogen straight away. After the first 2 weeks I started to feel more myself and started the progesterone..... which is where troubles began. I also decided to stop the Sertraline the doctor had prescribed, having read that antidepressants should not be prescribed for hormonal induced anxieties. By around day 6 of utrogestan (and no sertraline) I was starting to get "reactive" again, snapping over nothing. By day 9 of utrogestan, I wanted to talk to nobody, do nothing and just be left alone to sleep or cry. Every muscle and bone in my body hurts and I'm so tired, I feel like I could sleep on a washing line. Last night would have been day 10 of utrogestan, but I didn't take it, thinking this is about all I can take of feeling like this. This morning I woke up very tired and emotional again but after some food now, I'm not sooo bad. I'm just wondering, is this normal for the progesterone part of a cycle (as I had terrible PMT back when I did have periods before the POP) or should I start back on the sertraline that I gave up on so easily?? I stopped the Sertaline as it just made me sleep. I have to go back to work at some point (got less than 2 weeks left on note), bills wont pay themselves, and I can't function on anti-depressants. However, if I return to work in the state I've been in since the weekend I might not keep a job very long anyway. I have been the most miserable, tired mess I can imagine. If I'm not crying or feeling generally sorry for myself, I'm super angry and/or paranoid, everybody hates me and nobody loves me and I should just go eat a can of worms lol!!!
I'm struggling still trying to keep up the "everythings fine" act. I can't dwell in feeling like poop, cause I'll keep feeling like poop, but how do you deal with this? It's super exhausting. I have no female family members to talk to about menopause, we don't talk like that. I have very few female friends anyway, but I don't feel I can talk to them at the moment as they have their own dramas going on. My partner is superb, but I don't want to keep going on and being down around him as I know it becomes a drain on both people. Feel so alone and don't know what I'm supposed to be doing/feeling/reacting.
You know some days you just wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole? Thats how I feel. Not so bad that I'd do anything stupid.... I don't know, life is just hard.
Sorry this has become bleak, it wasn't meant to be!! Was just exploring symptoms with fellow sufferers, seeing if this is normal. It has to be..... Will it settle. Should I have kept going with utrogestan even though I felt so low, or was I right to stop it, and try again next month? I know I've read somewhere about the ability to play with our HRT/cycles and know every person is different, but would 9 days of progesterone do what its meant to? I'm still on the progesterone only pill too (Noriday) as the GP told me to keep taking for now so don't know if I'm potentially taking too much progesterone which was why I'd felt so low, or if I should stop that too. I have an appointmnt with Doctor tomorrow so will ask again about if I should stop it. Am also debating asking for the oral utrogestan as he has me on pessary form and I didn't like feeling so akky "down there" from pessary chalk!
Menopausal Mona
Thanks guys, sorry for the waffle - my brain is a bit hectic at the moment and struggle to contain a trail of thought lol.... Menopause Brain