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[Beans]

Hi everyone, this looks like a wonderful forum/resource. Thank you to the people running it, the mods and everyone sharing their experiences. The posts I’ve been reading (before gathering the courage to post this) have been really helpful, it’s comforting to see I’m not alone.

I’m 51y.o. and (hopefully) 3 months away from that 12 month mark of no periods (n.b. I have fibroids that make my periods hellish). I’ve been on this peri/menopause roller coaster since late 2018, although the anxiety attacks and fairly debilitating/personality-changing, generalised anxiety started around 2015. I also already had anxiety disorders, major depression & insomnia issues before this started so, hoo boy. My roller coaster has been more of a scary all-the-way kind of ride tho, rather than up & down. I’m scared all the time, really struggling.

I’m repeating other posters in saying I wish I’d been warned about how bad peri/menopause can get, although I know it differs for everyone. It’s been brutal, although I’m pretty sure I also had long covid from March 2020, which made matters much worse, as my body started failing in ways that I don’t think were perimenopause-normal.

I haven’t been able to take HRT, mainly b/c of the uterine fibroids. The synthetic estrogen would continue to make them grow & my already very large uterus is causing GI issues. I was meant to have a hysterectomy in early 2021 but severe neuropathic pain (that had me in the Emergency Dept twice) & a weight crash (fell to 41kg) put paid to that. It’s a long story but I’m mostly no longer in pain thanks to Amitriptyline. I’m now too scared to attempt surgery b/c it carries a (return of) neuropathic pain risk & I’m told Amitriptyline doesn’t always work. And nope nope nope *hides under table*, I’m not risking going back to living with chronic pain. I’m pinning my hopes on the fibroids shrinking as the estrogen falls away.

Sorry, I’m good at rabbiting on, and whinging . It’s lovely to meet you all, & I hope everyone’s doing ok.

[discogirl]

Hello Beans,

 

You've been through so much already, and please don't apologise, you're not rabbiting on or whinging at all.

Keep talking to us, that's what this forum is for!!

A lot of ladies on here, like myself have anxiety disorders and I also have depression so I can totally relate to how you feel.

My hubby has chronic pain and it's horrendous.

Its a shame you can't take hrt, but I'm sure you'll find some useful information on here.

Take care xxx

[Beans]

Hi discogirl, thank you so much

Oh no your poor hubby, I’m so sorry , I have so much sympathy and respect for people who live with chronic pain, it must be beyond awful. My pdoc referred me to a pain clinic at the start of it all & I freaked out when I found out it was to teach me how to live with the pain rather than fix it lol. I don’t know what I would have done if the Amitriptyline hadn’t worked.

[Flossieteacake]

Hello Beans. Welcome to the forum. I too wish I knew all about peri before it happened to me. You have such a lot to deal with but thankfully the amitriptyline provides some relief for you. 

[Beans]

Hello Beans. Welcome to the forum. I too wish I knew all about peri before it happened to me. You have such a lot to deal with but thankfully the amitriptyline provides some relief for you. 

Hi flossie thank you.

Yep I wish menopause was talked about more, I had no idea what was happening to me, I thought I was losing my mind. I think knowing the cause makes a huge difference. And yep, Amitriptyline is the best med-invention ever.

[Losingtheplot]

Hi Beans
Welcome hunni. Ahh its just so awful isn't it especially when we are all so in the dark about it all.
I too suffer depression on and off and have for years with anxiety issues. So found it very scary when the panic attacks and out of the blue anxiety struck in peri. Your so right in it changing your personality. You are not alone hunni this forum is fantastic as so many ladies relate to what I have been going thru. You sound like you have been thru so much bless you. Its a shame you can't take HRT as that seems to have helped most of my symptoms.
Maybe your GP could prescribe beta blockers to have with anxiety surges? They have helped me in the past and many other ladies on here.
Take care and post whenever you like xxxxx

[Beans]

Hi Beans
Welcome hunni. Ahh its just so awful isn't it especially when we are all so in the dark about it all.
I too suffer depression on and off and have for years with anxiety issues. So found it very scary when the panic attacks and out of the blue anxiety struck in peri. Your so right in it changing your personality. You are not alone hunni this forum is fantastic as so many ladies relate to what I have been going thru. You sound like you have been thru so much bless you. Its a shame you can't take HRT as that seems to have helped most of my symptoms.
Maybe your GP could prescribe beta blockers to have with anxiety surges? They have helped me in the past and many other ladies on here.
Take care and post whenever you like xxxxx

Hi losingtheplot Gosh everyone’s so lovely here. I think your username sums up the experience well lol. I was thinking I should’ve called myself climbingupthewalls or whereismymind. Or maybe dontpanic, although I wouldn’t have known how to take my own advice.

I had absolutely no idea what I was in for, or what was happening, all my symptoms (depression, anxiety, insomnia) went skyward. I was looking forward to the periods stopping but didn’t know there was such a cost. Women are so stoic. I wonder how older women in high vis positions cope. I feel like a completely different person to the one I was before 2015.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through also. Yep I’m sort of stuck with not being able to take the HRT, although I was a little scared of progesterone anyway (when the periods were still happening) as I had a very bad experience with a strong contraceptive pill (multiplying my depression) when I was younger. My gyno has prescribed Black Cohosh but I’ve yet to muster up the courage to take it (scared of certain side effects).

Re beta blockers, thank you for the tip, I haven’t heard of them before, they sound perfect (I think I’m 99% adrenaline). I have regular appointments with my GP (for sleep meds) so I’ll ask her at the next one. Thank you! Xx

[CLKD]

   It's The Change - does what is says on the tin and although natural, some symptoms can be horrendous and/or difficult to deal with.

R U State-side?  My GP prescribed Propranolol to ease early morning anxiety surges and they certainly helped for many years.  I too have depression controlled in the main by medication as well as intense anxiety for which I have an emergency tablet.

Let us know how you get on. 

[Beans]

  It's The Change - does what is says on the tin and although natural, some symptoms can be horrendous and/or difficult to deal with.

R U State-side?  My GP prescribed Propranolol to ease early morning anxiety surges and they certainly helped for many years.  I too have depression controlled in the main by medication as well as intense anxiety for which I have an emergency tablet.

Let us know how you get on.

Thanks CLKD , Ack, re the Change, nature is scary lol. It’s like a horror movie ‘The Change’, scarier than The Shining haha.

State side, is that the US? I’m from Australia, long way away , about 2hrs from Sydney.

Brilliant thank you! re Propranolol, writing all this down for my next GP appointment.

I’m so glad the antidepressants (ADs) work for you. They haven’t worked for me unfortunately since around 1999. Been on every class of AD & in some cases every med within the class. Also tried ECT in 2002 & CBT also with no luck. Although it’s been years since I’ve been on a high enough AD dose, for long enough for it to help, so I’m still holding out hope.

I’m also coming off an antipsychotic (that I’ve been on for sleep & appetite) that I’m hoping will help with the depression as they’ve always had a bad effect on my mood. I’m trying to increase the Amitriptyline to an antidepressant dose, but it’s very constipating & I’ve had a problem with bowel blockages since my digestive system started failing on me (since March 2020). I’m taking Macrogol for that but I don’t like relying on it bc it inhibits protein absorption.

The beta blockers sound perfect, I desperately need help with the anxiety attacks (I have no escape & can only pace or rock back & forth & it freaks my poor hubby out). Thank you again, I’ll keep you updated. Xx

[CLKD]

   I know all about the pacing.  Also in the 1970s my Dad was prescribed a blue pill that begins with an "A" - name escapes - OK Ativan  .  Gets there eventually.  It is used as a pre-med in some UK Hospitals.  It made Dad agitated and I walked miles across the Fen keeping him company.  No conversation.  Striding out like he was trying to burn the drug from his system 

Could you try upping the Amitriptyline a few times a week on top of your daily dose?  Rather than all at once to give the bowels a time to adjust?

R U withdrawing the anti-psychotic under supervision?  Let us know how you get on, from Down Under 

This too will pass. My problem is that I want a cure yesterday   

[Dierdre]

Hi Beans, I recently read there was a study done in 2019 regarding the use of vitamin D3 to reduce fibroids. I assume you use high factor sun cream so are your Vit D levels low? Might be worth trying.

[Kathleen]

Hello Beans and welcome to the forum.

I am also familiar with the bumpy ride of the menopause.
 I had a fairly easy peri meno and most of my symptoms started when I had been one year period free.
Perhaps for some ladies the main adjustments come sooner rather than later?

My trusty Meno book mentions that the range of symptoms also varies and I think this is true. For example I have never had joint pain even though it is a common problem but mood swings continue to plague me unfortunately.

I am sorry to learn that you have pain issues. A neighbour with sciatica was hopeful when referred to a pain clinic but he felt like thumping the nurse when asked 'What is pain?'.

I assume that you have checked and there are no other treatments for reducing fibroids so that you can give HRT a try. I suppose even a D&C or some kind of ablation would be too risky?

I hope you can find a way to cope with your symptoms. Your fibroids are likely to shrink when you are post meno and you may have more options re HRT if needed.

Wishing you well and take care.


K.

[Beans]

  I know all about the pacing.  Also in the 1970s my Dad was prescribed a blue pill that begins with an "A" - name escapes - OK Ativan  .  Gets there eventually.  It is used as a pre-med in some UK Hospitals.  It made Dad agitated and I walked miles across the Fen keeping him company.  No conversation.  Striding out like he was trying to burn the drug from his system 

Could you try upping the Amitriptyline a few times a week on top of your daily dose?  Rather than all at once to give the bowels a time to adjust?

R U withdrawing the anti-psychotic under supervision?  Let us know how you get on, from Down Under 

This too will pass. My problem is that I want a cure yesterday   

Your poor dad  .

Agitation is terrible, not being able to control it or escape from it. It’s also like torture when it’s coupled with severe sleep deprivation, you can’t lie down bc you’re so agitated, but you’re so exhausted you can’t stand it - I went through that for over a year (getting 1-2 hrs sleep, off the back of the previous year of only about 3-4 hours), & ended up in a public mental ward.

My shrink then threw everything at getting my brain to sleep. That’s why I’m on the antipsychotic, Chlorpromazine (Largactil), it’s extremely sedating (on top of two sleeping pills which I take in staggered doses at night & also the amitriptyline is v. sedating).

Yep, my GP is supervising my med changes. I’m reducing the Largactil slowly, & so far so good *fingers crossed*. N.b. My shrink emigrated overseas last year & I’m not good with therapy (it makes me anxious talking about myself on a deeper level) so my GP agreed to oversee my meds. I have the best GP in the world, she’s wonderful.

I have no patience either lol, I need everything fixed the week before yesterday!

[Beans]

Hi Beans, I recently read there was a study done in 2019 regarding the use of vitamin D3 to reduce fibroids. I assume you use high factor sun cream so are your Vit D levels low? Might be worth trying.

Oh wow, that’s brilliant, re vitamin D3 & fibroids. Yep, I’ve had issues with low VitD levels in the past. I inherited my red headed Granny’s skin - only burn or freckle in the sun so I tend to avoid it too much. I know VitD is thought to also have a connection to depression & it’s also winter here so I should probably be on supplements anyway. I’ll definitely try it. Thank you for that.

[Beans]

Hello Beans and welcome to the forum.

I am also familiar with the bumpy ride of the menopause.
 I had a fairly easy peri meno and most of my symptoms started when I had been one year period free.
Perhaps for some ladies the main adjustments come sooner rather than later?

My trusty Meno book mentions that the range of symptoms also varies and I think this is true. For example I have never had joint pain even though it is a common problem but mood swings continue to plague me unfortunately.

I am sorry to learn that you have pain issues. A neighbour with sciatica was hopeful when referred to a pain clinic but he felt like thumping the nurse when asked 'What is pain?'.

I assume that you have checked and there are no other treatments for reducing fibroids so that you can give HRT a try. I suppose even a D&C or some kind of ablation would be too risky?

I hope you can find a way to cope with your symptoms. Your fibroids are likely to shrink when you are post meno and you may have more options re HRT if needed.

Wishing you well and take care.


K.

Hi Kathleen, thank you .

I know, everyone’s so different, my older sister barely noticed the change at all, although she is on HRT.

What is pain? Lol He should have thumped her as a demonstration haha (err joking, a metaphorical thump). I’m not in pain anymore, thank goodness. I need to build a monument to Amitriptyline bc it’s a life saver. I’m not strong enough to cope with chronic pain & I have such a deep respect & sorrow for anyone who has to live with it.

Re alternatives to the hysterectomy for the fibroids - my gyno did talk to me about D&C I think (the scraping procedure) but ruled it out because she said it can have some scary side effects. I need to have another appointment with her bc I have a polyp that needs removing. I’ve been putting it off bc the depression has been so bad & it’s such a long hike to Sydney (we moved out of Sydney & to the highlands last year), but I will ask her about the ablation. Thank you again, & hope you’re doing well.