Hi Fiona1968,
I understand your pain and anxiety, as you said, is not obvious to the outside world but it terrible for us sufferers. In fact it can be debilitating as it's, sometimes, paralysing. It should be regarded as a disability. I still can't comprehend that you've never had it before but 10 years after your last period, it kicks in. Why?
I've never been on HRT because I'm worried about the side-effects. As for anti-anxiety medication, I'm worried about the side-effects and becoming dependent on it.