Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Peanut31]

Hi

I don’t normally express my feelings and feel I’m moaning, and always embarrassed.

I’ve put on a brave face, but I’m in a really in a dark depressed mood and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I know this forum is a safe space and I won’t be judged.

I’ve got it into my head my HRT is actually the my enemy and I need to stop it, it’s not helping and it’s making me gain weight, that’s what my head saying.

My boobs have gotten bigger, my figure is fully and I don’t want to weigh myself as frightened too.

When I look in the mirror I hate myself and don’t know what to do, my bra is tight around my back and just feel horrible.

I’m peri menopausal, and on two pumps of oestrogen and take progesterone 200mg for 2 weeks then 2 weeks off. I started HRT in June. I’m on testosterone 0.5ml three times a week, as took that slowly.

Just had my testosterone results and just in range. I’m with a private menopause clinic (Newson) and I could contact them, but they will say increase increase increase and charge me £££.



I’ve got VA, (had this years looking back and not know about it.

Thanks to you guys I’m on vagifem, daily dose as my GP did urine samples and put me on antibiotics with no difference to my symptoms.

I reduced my vagifem back to three times a week and it got worse. It is manageable but I know it’s in the back ground.

I’m now doubting myself on HRT and thought about reducing to one pump a day as maybe there is too many hormones in my body to cope with HRT.

Since after Xmas I had a word with myself about getting back to doing exercise so I walk 2 miles on the treadmill and then jog one mile and have been doing this everyday and weights as well. I know that exercising is good for your mind, but I feel like 💩

I’m due on holiday soon and I’m trying to look forward to it, but I’m not.

If I increase my gel I’m worried it will pack the weight on even more and I just feel low in general.

I had two people today tell me in their day women didn’t have HRT and why put chemicals in your body, it’s not natural.

So, as you can imagine with my negative thoughts on HRT, this has magnified my feelings.

Just looking for some help on this.

Best wishes
Peanut31

[Gilla999]

Just wanted to send you some good vibes Peanut, from someone who is also struggling emotionally and for other reasons you also mention. I gained 1.5 stone from HRT and it was a bitter pill to swallow. I can totally relate to the "HRT is the enemy" and yet I need it, kind of feelings.

No one has the answers but a few thoughts...

- If you do decide to change your HRT (in either direction) it would be worth doing it very slowly to see how you get on. I've learnt by mistake that knee jerk reactions often make things much worse.

- Is the mood you're in something new, or have you been feeling like this consistently? I wondered if there could be any particular reason (chemical or situational) that could be causing you to feel so low right now, if it's not your normal state.

- Regardlsss of whatever is best for you, people saying that HRT is unnatural are just wrong. In that case every medication ever invented is wrong, including antibiotics and paracetamol! I have my mother telling me this "we didn't have all this nonsense in my day" stuff on a daily basis too, and it really wears you down. It's a whole other discussion point!

This time of year is naturally really hard to have high spirits, which doesn't help things.

Just wanted to send you some good vibes - it is such a difficult time, but you're not alone in going through the journey 

[CLKD]

Perimenopause can cause all kinds of 'should we/not' types of conversations with ourselves. 

U can dismiss anyone who says: "Why put chemicals into your body". a) it's nowt to do with any1 else and b) most of what we have has chemicals; whether it's food stuffs, make up, HRT.  Most medications are synthesised which means that they need a filler as well as packaging.  I stopped sharing my medical history years ago other than with my GP, husband and on here.

1 can use Vagifem nightly if symptoms niggle.  When I get the need2P I take 2 nurofen 3 times a day to ease symptoms as well as using 'ovestin'.  So from the waist down, sorted.  Don't over think.

Why would HRT make a person gain weight unless there is an issue prior to beginning treatment?  One cannot 'over dose' with HRT though the body can react if one's own hormones are joining in!  If u feel that 1 pump would suffice, what's stopping you easing off for a couple of weeks to 1 pump to see whether symptoms are stable or if the body still requires 'replacement'. Of hormones that the body naturally makes ;-).  U can if necessary increase the dose.  It can be Trial and Error which may be tiring.

You have taken yourself in hand by walking.  Brisk walking might be better than jogging in the fresh air.  How is your diet overall?

It's a tuff time of year, nights are getting lighter ;-).  Be kinder to yourself. 

Gilla - stop telling your mother everything!  You're a Big Girl now, you do not need her permission.

[Gilla999]

   you are very right CLKD. Unfortunately my mother doesn't see it in quite the same way   

I don't want to suggest meaningless, annoying things but I am also having a rough time of it at the moment and dealing with severe anxiety and insomnia. Today I forced myself to the garden centre and bought some spring bulbs and a couple of pots and it was a couple of hours of happiness.... it doesn't have to be the same for you of course, but anything to try and treat yourself or give yourself something to feel optimistic and positive about could help (not alone, but just an additional thing) xx

[VanillaLover]

Hi Peanut,

Just wanted to say that I sympathise!

I often feel a lot of the ways you do! I have put on weight too and got slightly bigger boobs, which I don’t really like as I’ve always had small boobs. I’ve had to do a lot of thinking about my weight and how far I’m prepared to go to lose it ….and for what? I’m never going to have the figure I had when I was 18 again. I’ve had two children and my body has served me well…..I’m trying to be kinder to myself, eat healthily but be relaxed about the odd treat, and exercise how I want to (but not too much) really. It’s difficult.

I have found that the last couple of years, which have been hard physically, have brought about a lot of reassessing about what I look like, what my role is, what I want from the future. I am making some changes so that I have more time for myself and less doing stuff to please other people. My mindset has changed too so I feel less like doing stuff for others all the time….it’s a midlife crisis basically! But it’s all been hard and wearing.

Has your mood improved at all with taking the HRT? Have you ever had these kind of low mood symptoms before? It is a difficult time of year for lots of people. The dark nights and cold seem endless, Christmas is over for another year etc.

If help is available in the form of HRT, why suffer? You only have one life. You have to try to make the best of what you have in the circumstance. And if that’s improved by HRT, and you have understood and analysed any risks that come along with it (all medication has risks), then just go with it.

I take HRT but I have to say it has made a lot of things much better but hasn’t eliminated all symptoms. I am peri too and I think HRT was really designed for post menopausal women. It hasn’t a hope of smoothing out some symptoms caused by huge hormonal swings and variations. BUT it can help with some of the symptoms of low oestrogen like hot flushes, anxiety and so on. I sometimes get symptoms of high oestrogen and think “oh I must come off the HRT and see what I’m like without it, it’s probably making me worse!” …but in general I am better on it than off and that’s what I have to go with. Maybe I could try experimenting with lower dose etc but I’m scared to rock the boat! Daft isn’t it.

I think people can say ‘we didn’t have this and that in my day’ ad infinitum but in reality some women still suffered, except going back a generation or two they would probably be put on Valium and their lives ruined because of that, going back a bit further and they would be put in a mental hospital or laid up in bed with ‘nerves’!

Sorry if this is all a bit of a ramble!!! Sending hugs

Vanilla

[Gilla999]

I agree with everything you said Vanilla - the theory is that a high dose of Estrogen controls the swings of Peri but I haven't found it to be the case. Can't wait until I flatline just to at least have a steady base to work from.

Peanut it's a very difficult time  - be kind to and patient with yourself xx

[Perinowpost]

Sorry you’re having a hard time Peanut 31. Just wanted to say hrt is not chemicals it is hormones and all you are doing is replacing falling hormone levels. Lots of people including the two who have said this to you don’t understand this, but the truth is falling oestrogen is the cause of lots of health issues and you are being responsible in taking it to prevent long term health issues x

[Peanut31]

Hi

I don’t know how to reply to you all individually, so hopefully all you lovely people that have sent me message will see this.

My diet is very good, as I’m gluten free (intolerant to wheat) I been gluten free for 5 years. I try and stick to freshly prepared things like salads, vegetables fish, chicken, red meat and try to stick low carb.

I also do intermittent fasting and have done for years, as find I’m so sluggish in the day if eaten.

My one vice is diet drink cherry pepsi max and have one of those small bottles a day.

I don’t smoke and don’t drink alcohol at all. I’m not suggesting I’m an angel with food as if I go out will have a pudding or a bag of crisps. Coffee I try and limit to two a day otherwise I get tummy cramps.


I have an underactive thyroid and Hashimotos.

I do self test on this and my levels were fine (I’m quite clued up on this)

I haven’t felt great on HRT to be honest just managing, I noticed I can remember things better but wonder if it’s the testosterone.

I feel especially bad today, just finished a period wonder if this is it, the day before felt positive the day before that angry and fed up. I’m up and down like a roller coaster to be honest.

I’ve always been hormonal when younger and early years and had heavy periods so struggled just before the time of the month.

I will say my body image is very deep rooted.

I was very badly bullied as a teenager for being overweight (I was) I lost the weight but this has left me being very critical of my body, but always maintained an acceptable look to me.

I’ve had counselling for this many times, but when I feel low, the body issues raise their ugly head, and with all my hormones ranging at the moment I’m not very good a being kind to myself and I don’t take compliments well.

I’m a fixer but feel I can’t sort this out. I then beat myself up about feeling rubbish, as I’m in a loving marriage with a son who’s at university and going on holiday.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself as I am lucky but it doesn’t work.

Maybe I’m being impatient, I’ve had a good cry with hubby tonight and going to watch a comedy film.

I’m wondering to try one pump and see how I go. Do you think it’s a waste of time doing bloods?

Thank you to everyone that’s sent me messages, I do really appreciate the support.

Xxx

[Flossieteacake]

You have had some wonderful advice Peanut but I just wanted to reach out to you too.

I think it is really unhelpful when people say they did not take HRT and were fine because you are you and you know what is best for you. Some people do seem to be anti HRT but I feel they say that without actually trying it and seem to be going by a misinformed study that was printed in the newspapers.

Menopause is rubbish and I feel we all seem to be effected emotionally. This can mean we wonder if what we are doing is right but I think if you look at even a slight improvement then that is worth it. If you think back to the day you joined here and now perhaps you can see if anything has changed for you. Too often we hear about people in the media who take HRT and feel wonderful which is not the case for many of us.

I find it helps to take it slowly and one day at a time. I know if I try to think of the future then I panic and feel worse. It is hard to have to get used to a new body shape, especially when we have issues with body image. I think you may feel better if you get yourself a nice bra that fits you. If you do not feel comfortable to get a fitting then I find boob or bust a great website with a very accurate way of measuring yourself.

Being bullied for your weight, it is understandable you are finding your new body shape challenging. I can relate to this. You are still you and you are still a special person who deserves to be loved and who deserves kindness from yourself. I agree with you not weighing yourself. I do not think this is important right now as your emotional well being must come first.

Rather then trying to get by on as little vagifem as you can, I would take it daily. You may even find that improves your mood as the VA symptoms will lessen.

I have been on HRT for 2 years now and although I am better then I was without it, I still struggle so please do not feel you are odd or alone in that respect. I have found taking an antidepressant a total life safer and combined with HRT it does more for my emotional needs then HRT alone.

Being a fixer I understand you want to fix this but there is no quick fix here. I think you need patience and acceptance towards yourself rather then to try to do your best to loose weight. That can come later but right now being gentle with yourself will be far more helpful.

I would not think of reducing HRT because you worry you are on too much as if you reduce it you may find your mood drops. It takes time for the hormones to settle and perhaps giving yourself more time will help. I agree that taking bloods will not be helpful as in peri your levels change all the time.

It is also possible the progesterone is making you feel low and you may want to talk to the menopause clinic about changing to a different type.

You are brave to reach out for support and as you can see, we have all felt the way you are. You are not alone here.

[DottyD68]

I agree with Flossieteacake. You have had some wonderful advice.

You are so not alone. I have periods of feeling very like you do.

Be kind to yourself.
Try not compare yourself to your "previous" self.
Take one day at a time.
It will pass.

Sending you very best wishes x

[PoppyPopcorn]

Hi Peanut, a lot of what you say resonates with me too. I also have thyroid issues, just had my levels tested before Christmas and I am on the right dose but it's worth exploring whether your dose is right too.

I also relate to the anxiety and "what's the point" feeling of it all, it's very hard. You will not be judged here and it's important to keep talking about how you're feeling.

[CLKD]

Should a person with thyroid function issues 'fast'.   

The body doesn't 'fast' naturally, we are designed to hunt, kill, gorge, sleep in the cave  : and prepare for the next day which may/not be successful in the food stakes  ........ however, recent history has caused humans to have to conform: work, family life, hobbies, fit in with others ............ travel for work, when the body isn't designed for fast speeds.  All can be taxing on the body/mind however much it is necessary.

Cutting carbs isn't good for the body over all.  Neither is cutting salts and sugars which the body requires.  However: again, we are more sedentary so don't burn off energy as the body is designed to do.   . I know that I need to exercise more, but the weather   

The Change: does what it says on the tin.  Hormones rise and fall.  Reactions to Life events alter, as previously mentioned, I too have stopped 'rescuing' others.  When asked to help out I reply that I have to check my calendar first and can they find someone else to back me up in case there's an emergency.  i.e. having to dash to the care home if required.

MayB make a list of your hobbies.  The chores that you feel are necessary on a daily basis - I found the ticking off at the end of each day what I had achieved helped my mental health enormously.  Everything else went onto the next list.  Raising a family - begin delegating around the house: teens can help out or their laundry doesn't get done etc.;.  Explaining that you don't have the energy at the moment so you won't be doing X, Y, Z - things that others are able to do ;-).

Several years ago my apron dropped so that looking down by mid-afternoon I have a 'fat' shape.  In bed laying down or sideways in the mirror I am OK.  As oestrogen levels drop so muscles maybecome lax ....... which gives the saggy look under the arms, around the neck/chin, abdomen.  I haven't put weight on, it's simply shifted!  Who else is looking ;-).

Sorry - what was the question  U R not alone!   

[Kathleen]

Hello ladies.

My heart goes out to you all.  This time of life can be so challenging.

I can't improve on all the excellent advice but I have not gained weight whilst on HRT and I wonder if this is due to eating a whole food plant based diet.
I slowly moved to this way of eating because it is full of anti inflammatory foods and I was diagnosed with an inflammatory illness at the same time that I became post meno.
This particular way of  eating means I consume a lot of carbs mainly from potatoes ( I think I am addicted to them lol ). I avoid meat and use plant substitutes for dairy.

All of this may have no bearing on my weight but I thought it was worth mentioning.


Take care ladies.  Wishing you all well and sending hugs.


K.

[Ayesha]

Hi

I had two people today tell me in their day women didn’t have HRT and why put chemicals in your body, it’s not natural.

So, as you can imagine with my negative thoughts on HRT, this has magnified my feelings.

If we took that attitude in these modern times we would be dying of all sorts of nasty diseases that have now been eradicated due to medical advances.

Today there is another report from research of how beneficial taking HRT is to ward off conditions such as Alzheimer’s with women at an increased risk.

Please don’t bother yourself with listening to people with such negative thoughts about what they didn’t have in their day, in my day women put their heads in gas ovens to end their misery, or were called mental, yes the good old days!!

Take care and I know you will get better!

[Peanut31]

Thank you for all your advice and kind messages.

Peanut31