Hi Carolinep7,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low. Anti-anxiety meds are great but if you want to try sth else beforehand get some Petit Grain essential oil - it's like nature's Xanax!
You take 2 drops 3 x day on a neutral support (small piece of bread or spoonful of honey) and you can also rub 2 drops 3 x day on your solar plexus, wrists (and inhaaaaaaaale) and instep. It smells quite strong, that's the downside.
I had a panic attack when my MIL was diagnosed with cancer and I went straight to the chemist to get sth natural and they swore by Petit Grain. And now I do too!
Also, meditation, breathwork and hypnosis/self-hypnosis are great for anxiety, especially hypnosis. The Insight Timer app is great for meditation (not sure if I'm allowed to recommend apps here?)
What really helped me with crippling anxiety is the oestrogen gel but you sound like you can't take HRT. Did you try a few types? A lot of ladies here seem to need to try a few regimes before getting the right match.
All the best.