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[Jayjem]

Hi Ladies,

I have read lots of posts on here about anxiety during the perimenopause. I just felt I needed to start a chat about this as I was shocked that this is part of going through the change. My anxiety has been severe and for some reason it took me ages to make the link. It wasn't until a fiend suggested that the menopause could be compounding this that I sought help.

I have had people on this forum kindly get in touch and reassure me that what I am feeling is normal and all part of what I am going through. I did think I was going mad and because I couldn't control it, it has affected my work and personal relationships.

I am having some good days now since starting hrt but still have some difficult days. I am signed off work but trying to focus on me. I just want people suffering to know you are not alone. Please message me if I can help. The messages  have received from people made me feel less alone.

[Dotty]

Hope you continue to improve and thank you for this lovely message x

[Nik2502]

Hi Jayjem

It does help knowing we aren’t alone. I’ve just start ashwaganda supplements at night and they’ve really helped my morning anxiety. I’m not normally a supplement taker but my doctor recommended them.
If you try them get good quality ones.

Thank you for your lovely post.

Nik xx

[Jayjem]

Never heard of them. Thank you for the suggestion. I will look into them. For me it is the not being able to control the anxiety that is as bad as having it in the first place. It just makes me want to wrap up in a duvet and not do anything all day. Today I have forced myself to do things and have a sparkling fridge and microwave lol

[DottyD68]

Hi Jayjem,

I am so sorry to hear about your peri-menopausal anxiety especially as I can really relate to it. Despite being a bit of a worrier I was fortunate enough not to have experienced anxiety through my life until about 7-8 years ago in my mid 40s. Out of nowhere I got internal shakes and surges along with feelings of complete doom. I thought I was dying on occasions which sounds ridiculously dramatic. It wasn't until a friend said that it was the menopause that I put 2 and 2 together.

I finally went on HRT after 7 years as all the different symptoms became to much for me to manage with alternatives. Although it took a while to settle, and there have been bumps in the road as hormones have fluctuated, I now know when I get a flare up of anxiety that it is "Just my hormones". In those moments I can feel like I will never be able to function normally in society ever again. I have gone from a confident, sociable and happy person to someone who just wants to stay and home (and sit on my bed reading the menopause matters forum  ). In those moments I try and tell myself that "it will pass" because it will. It may take hours, days or sometimes weeks but it will pass.

I hope this helps.

[Jayjem]

That really does help and I can relate to just wanting to sit on my bed and do nothing much of anything; then I feel guilty about doing nothing as I have loads to do in the house like everyone else. I tell myself that it will pass but I am not sure I believe it yet as it seems to take so long.

I was never particularly confident but have had to be strong because of the things that have happened to me in my life. This has taken away any confidence that I have had. I am trying desperately to regain some but it is hard.

The anxiety has been so overwhelming and I have literally been shaking with it for weeks. Today it has eased a little so I am hoping that this isnt a one of and things will get better from now.

I am dreading returning to work and my friends all say that I shouldnt think of it because if I am dreading it I am not ready. I used to love my job but the perimenopause and a person at wrk has taken that away from me. 

When I spoe to my doctor I was crying and had no idea why I was crying other than feeling totally overwhelmed and desperate for help. I lost me and I know that you all will understand that. Hoping to find me again soon.

[discogirl]

Aw Jayjem,

I'm post meno, but I too have awful anxiety.

It's truly horrible so my heart goes out to you.

Regarding work, I would agree, if you're dreading going back then maybe you're not quite ready to return to work just yet.

Take care and keep reaching out on here xxxx

[DottyD68]

You sound a strong lady even if you arent feeling it at the moment. The fact you are reaching out to others in similar situations is a great indication of that. We can set ourselves such high expectations and comparisons to others or our "previous selves" that things can seem impossible. As I keep being told, when I dont recognise/like myself, is "be kind to yourself". I am slowly learning to do this so my internal personal battle isn't so hard and I have also found that the old mantra of "taking one day at a time" is a much better approach to life for me than thinking too far ahead when everything feels overwhelming. I hope you start to feel better soon. X

[Jayjem]

Dotty you are very kind. I dont see myself as very strong. A ;ot of things have happened to me and I have struggled through them. Life has been difficult but I cannot complain when there are children in hospital beds and people in war zones. I feel selfish for moaning.

I am struggling with anxiety and do need to remember to be kind to myself= my friends tell me that all the time. All i think at the moment is that I am letting my work colleagues down and I do worry what they think of me. I have had some lovely messages from work that I feel unable to reply t at the moment.

When I do go back can I ask that you are there for me because I know I will be extremely anxious and worried about what the future holds.

[DottyD68]

Of course I will.

Try not to worry about what other people think of you and focus on looking after yourself. The fact people have sent you lovely messages is an indication that you are very well thought of. But a word of advice, don't return to work until you feel you are ready to. Your work colleagues will appreciate that more in the long run despite you feeling pressure to return asap.

And in terms of being strong, I recently heard this expression which I think is very apt and makes me smile. "Women are like tea bags. They never know how strong they are until they are in boiling water"

[Jayjem]

I love that expression. Not sure my boss would be happy with me taking more time off. It has a big effect on lots of people. I am not indispensable but I can imagine the conversation when I first rang in and told them I was going sick. I am never off.

TBH I dont know if I am being fair or not because I dont think I am reading situations as well as I usually do. I do worry about my job though and what it will be like when I go back.