Hi - I can relate to your phobia. Infact I've had phobias to medications my whole life and I don't even take paracetamol (tied to contamination OCD) but a GA was THE most terrifying thing ever. Imaginably terrifying, my worst nightmare. I had never had one, but found out that I needed a very important/critical surgery about 7 years ago (in my late 40s). I was in meltdown, totally, in all honesty I decided I would rather take my chances without the surgery (it was for cancer!) I was so unable to cope and was convinced I'd die during it. The after hysterical 'weighing up' I realised that the cancer would have one definite outcome, but the GA had at least an outcome of everything being fine. I started by looking up hypnosis as a possibility - but found out I didn't have enough time to follow that route through.
So, How did I manage it ? I told the nurses doing my premed a couple of weeks before that I had a severe phobia/anxiety (even talking about it my BP went into the high range!) and requested to speak directly in a one to one meeting with an anaethetist - just me, him and my raft of questions/fears. He spent a long time explaining everything to me; do people die on the table ? How do they save people who have a reaction ? What if, what if, what if.......etc'. He answered everything, he wasn't patronising and was so encouraging and calm in his answers. He was truthful though, he told me stories of the sorts of people who were at risk, those who had needed additional medication to reverse the GA and things like that. I had to trust the person doing the anaesthetic, and I trusted him, he put some of my fears to rest. I felt safer after the answers than I did before, but it didn't go just like that in the flick of a switch I still was panicky but I was able to push myself to get there. You could do the same thing if it came to you needing an operation, in advance request the opportunity to talk with the anaethetist.
One thing did occur to me at the time, you have a set of the most highly trained medical professionals around you during surgery watching your every stat and the minutia of your health, the anaethetist is the most highly trained of them all - years longer than other medical 'trades'. It is their life, their duty their resolve to safetly get every person through that surgery. Where else in your life do you have such a set of professionals checking your wellbeing every second ? The chances are you are at much less risk on that operating table than you are eating your tea alone at home.
Would I do it again ? Yes, I would....I can't say I'd be calm and cheerful about it, far far from it, but educating myself on what really happens during it helped me learn to accept the process.
x
