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[Nas]

Well, as the title says, I need to find a new job.
My current role simply does not pay enough any longer and my pension pot is suffering.

Any of you ladies changed jobs in your fifties? How did you find it?

I am currently a TA in a local special needs school and really do not know what it is I want to do.
To be honest, it feels like a huge mountain to climb.
The plus side of my job, is that is is round the corner from home and I get the school holidays.
The downside is the pay!

Currently sat here with covid and trying to job hunt after spending hours number crunching 

Plus, do any of you ladies constantly reflect on your life decisions? I am doing this continually and although in hindsight, they were not the best decisons I made, they seemed like the right ones at the time.

Life!

[Marchlove]

Hi Nas,

Covid and job hunting perhaps not a good mix!

I didn’t change careers after my late thirties and it was pretty easy then, but obviously it must seem more daunting the older you get.
That said I do know a teacher who changed careers in her fifties and she’s so pleased she did.

Had a little Google for you and came across this, might have a few ideas.

https://www.educationtay.com/teaching-assistant-career-change/

A few thoughts-
Would you fancy doing a mixture of things, not tied perhaps to one 9-5 job?
Does it pay better if you become a supply TA?

I’m my fifties I did look back more  and in hindsight I thought I should have made different decisions. Eventually I stopped doing so and I believe one of the reasons for this was reading a great book called ‘The Power of Now’.
I read it many times and still go back to it now and again and read certain sections.
It made me realise that I had to live in the moment and seize whatever came my way, no matter how small.
It’s had a great impact on my way of thinking and you might also find it very helpful.

ML xx

[C.C.]

Hi Nas

I'm in a similar predicament as you and am trying to decide what's the best decision. I'm in my middle 50's and I also work in a school and it's a 4-minute walk from my house. I work a split shift so I'm home during the middle of the day, I get school holidays off (we are required to work but I say I'm unavailable), and I too get the summer break off.  My reason for leaving is not because of the kids, they're great, but it's my complicated relationship with my supervisor, who is also my neighbour.  Our work relationship can get strained due to her negative personality, insensitivity and poor management skills, and bad-mouthing of those above her, and I don't know how much longer I will stick around.  I've been telling ex-coworkers (there are lots) that this will be my last year, but then what?  I do have some retail experience but that doesn't pay much better and the hours are worse.  I suppose I have a year to work that out. Ideally, I'd like to work from home, but not child care.

I hope you find what works best for you.  Looking for another job is something I'm not looking forward to, but it might be something I'll have to do.

[Nas]

You are right March, job hunting, number crunching and covid make an appauling mix!

Here's the thing; I am great at making monumentally bad decisions in life.

I trained as a teacher. Great job, no kids, own house, in control of own finances etc etc.

BUT then.. I start a long distance relatiosnship, have a baby, decided to quit teaching job, no money, claim benefits, sell house, move south to north in new mans house, leave family behind, no job, have another baby, still no job, about to return to teaching, get breast cancer, even  more time out of employment, recover from BC, in and out of employment, have to use house sale money for essentials,  find a TA job, no stress, it's okay. Oh but it ISN'T okay because if necessary I cannot afford to live on my own again!

That is essentially the last 15 years of my life March..

I am an expert at making bad decisons! So, aged 51, I now need to be making the right decisions in life.
That link looks interesting and as long as I am paying into a pension pot of some kind, I will be happy.
HOW do I stop dwelling on the last 15 years of screw ups?

The issue now is, that my parents are getting older and I am miles away. One thought is to try and sell the house and move further south when our son who is currently 14.5, finishes school. But then, what if he doesn't want to move?

C.C we are in a similar predicament then. What would you like to do??
How long have you been there?

[Marchlove]

I don’t think, from what you’ve described it’s all about you making the wrong decisions.
You’ve been  handed a series of life experiences and you’ve adapted and changed in line with them, to the best of your ability at the time.

Now, you’ve probably come to another milestone in your life where more decisions have to be made. So it’s understandable that you look back and think gosh, I possibly made bad ones in the part, will I do so again!!

That’s why focusing on the Now could help ground you.

To end on a light note, it’s slowly does it, as you’ve experienced with the bloody coil!

X

[ElkWarning]

In terms of stripping away some of the complications here: if you're a qualified teacher, then why are you working as a TA? They're the absolute lifeblood of our schools, but (good god) the pay is awful?

Are you primary or secondary? How about a side hustle of tutoring? Maybe retrain as an educational / mental health assessor (£23k while training)? Have you stumbled across 'leave the classroom and thrive' on Facebook?

For a while part of my (previous) role involved being a recruitment manager. Two books, 'Get that job' and 'The Psychological Manager' taught me how to game the system and get to where I wanted to be ...

Also, there's no such thing as mistakes, just self funded learning opportunities.

[ElkWarning]

Also to say I went into teaching in my 50s as a career changer, having previously worked as a secretary, then later a paralegal, then later a writer and film maker, then later in neuroscience. My life and ambitions have been all over the place. I seem to do whatever I want and whatever interests me at any given time. I start a new job next week, after over a dozen failed applications and interviews in the space of a few months. I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. Being 50 isn't old. Our own queen is nearly twice that and she rules an entire commonwealth.

[Cazikins]

I can't really contribute much because I didn't have any children (my choice) so I have only ever had myself to think of.

I have always managed to stay employed & been very lucky in the jobs I have done over the years - not just one career, a bit of shop work to begin with then mainly administration type jobs in different types of businesses.

But what I did learn was the ability to adapt what I had learnt to how I could make it work in a new job.

List your strengths & abilities. Jazz up your C.V etc & just start applying for jobs even if they are out of your usual comfort zone.

I went from being a pet food wholesaler to exporting fertilizers all around the world, being a G.P. receptionist, then a church administrator , & all of this in my late 40's to current day ages mid 60's.

If you feel you want a change but are concerned you wouldn't be confident then think again.

Don't know if any of this will help you at all but just trying to give you a bit of encouragement. Age doesn't need to come in to it.

Cazi x

[C.C.]

You are right March, job hunting, number crunching and covid make an appauling mix!

Here's the thing; I am great at making monumentally bad decisions in life.

I trained as a teacher. Great job, no kids, own house, in control of own finances etc etc.

BUT then.. I start a long distance relatiosnship, have a baby, decided to quit teaching job, no money, claim benefits, sell house, move south to north in new mans house, leave family behind, no job, have another baby, still no job, about to return to teaching, get breast cancer, even  more time out of employment, recover from BC, in and out of employment, have to use house sale money for essentials,  find a TA job, no stress, it's okay. Oh but it ISN'T okay because if necessary I cannot afford to live on my own again!

That is essentially the last 15 years of my life March..

I am an expert at making bad decisons! So, aged 51, I now need to be making the right decisions in life.
That link looks interesting and as long as I am paying into a pension pot of some kind, I will be happy.
HOW do I stop dwelling on the last 15 years of screw ups?

The issue now is, that my parents are getting older and I am miles away. One thought is to try and sell the house and move further south when our son who is currently 14.5, finishes school. But then, what if he doesn't want to move?

C.C we are in a similar predicament then. What would you like to do??
How long have you been there?

I have no idea what I want to do, and what I would qualify to be able to do.  In a perfect world, I would opt for retirement (I just turned 56).  I've been at this job going on 8 years but worked in retail for 10. I stayed home with our 3 kids and sacrificed a full-time job to advocate for our oldest ds who has high-functioning autism. He had and still has challenges so I couldn't work when he was in school.
Dh is hoping to retire in a few years, if the retirement fund is ok, then I'll hang it up.

Winning the lottery would be good too *fingers crossed*..

[ElkWarning]

Re: the monumentally bad decisions and your life not being your life because you've had to work it around everyone else ... to my mind, that's an internal dialogue which isn't super kind or caring, i.e. it's massively self-critical.  I did have this for ages, especially around the time my children were becoming young adults.  My therapist condensed this into a question 'What about me?'  I hadn't really given that a lot of thought, because my focus had always been on others - partly through choice, and partly through necessity.  It took me quite a while to consider what was now necessary for me, what did I want, what were my values, what were my strengths, etc.  It helped breaking it down into those 'bits' because I couldn't grapple with questions like who am I?  Where do I want to be in five years?  What do I want to do with my life?  These were too big and so I'd lapse into a self-critical dialogue / feel disempowered.

[Nicodemus]

Yeah it doesn't sound like 15 years of screwups to me - it sounds like someone who has worked bloody hard in some difficult circumstances.

I'm going to be jobhunting at some point - I got made redundant in July and wanted some time out anyway and then got diagnosed with VA. I don't think I want to go back to what I used to do but not much idea what I do want to do - possibly fancy being a postie (I know the money is a bit crap) but need a less temperamental bladder first.

I would echo the advice about trying teaching or tutoring maybe.

I would really caution against moving house to look after elderly parents. It sounds like you need to put your needs first.

[jillydoll]

Yes, if they were right choices at the time, then they were right.
Thinking over past decisions comes part n parcel of meno I think.
Lots of ladies go over every choice they’ve made. I know I have. I’ve beaten myself up so much. But…..
What’s gone in the past has gone, we can’t go back, we’ve stuck with our choices, and this is where we are now, 💁🏼‍♀️ it’s the here and now, and the future that matters most.
Hormones somehow , makes us rethink everything, I don’t know why, but it does. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t make rash decisions until you’ve completely thought them through.
Then sleep on them, if you still feel the same, then you’ve probably made the right choice. xx

[Nas]

Thanks for your input everyone.

The last few days have been brutal. I feel quite unhinged and mentally battered.

The inner dialogue ( Elk) has been very harsh. This isn’t the life I’m meant to live. Every decision is being analysed? Why? They were for the best the time. That’s what you do, you tackle each phase of life as it comes?

The rose tinted glasses are off. I think I need to leave and start again. My partner isn’t I don’t think right for me anymore. We are so different and don’t connect.

My head hurts, the HRT appears not to be working, I can’t sleep  and back to work tomorrow!!

Not sure where to go next, but something needs to be done. A plan put in place. Maybe it feels tough I’m not happy? But I don’t necessarily want to on my own either. The job has its advantages ( pay not being one!) Partner and I have been through a lot, but maybe we shouldn’t have got together at all.

[ElkWarning]

Thanks for your input everyone.

The last few days have been brutal. I feel quite unhinged and mentally battered.

The inner dialogue ( Elk) has been very harsh. This isn’t the life I’m meant to live.

The rose tinted glasses are off. I think I need to leave and start again. My partner isn’t I don’t think right for me anymore. We are so different and don’t connect.

My head hurts, the HRT appears not to be working, I can’t sleep  and back to work tomorrow!!

Not sure where to go next, but something needs to be done. A plan put in place.

Also back to work tomorrow, woke up crying today.  It's a really hard job.  I hope you've got some good 'allies' at school.  Sounds as if you do know what you want, and it isn't 'this'.  We're here for you, hun.

[Nas]

Thanks Elk.
Think you are right.
Maybe the inner self is protesting against the current life!

Hope tomorrow goes okay for you. Are you starting your new job?