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[Weeloz]

Hi all my sex life is.non existent no sex drive  and so sore when having sex. I am on vagirux but still feels like I'm tearing and in agony . I am trying to get an appointment to get ovestein after reading other threads. I am not on any other hrt . Do you think if  I went on patches etc it would help too

I have been married for 30 years and my husband's sex drive is still the same . I feel so down about not having the closeness

[Flossieteacake]

Am I right in thinking you have been using vagirux for a few weeks? I understand you badly want to feel better but a few weeks is very early. Maybe you could give yourself some time for your skin to heal. It is a good idea to ask for ovestin to apply to the outer area.

[Petra]

Ovestin works great for me, though it takes a wee while to kick in and I've found I need to keep using it twice weekly no matter what. I'm also on 0.25 Estradot patches twice weekly so I don't know if they're also necessary, except I do know that I had the same experience as you when I was on ONLY the patches...pain, tearing feeling during sex...as in, the patches didn't seem to help, though this is a very low dose.

[Weeloz]

Thank you Flossieteacake

Petra do you use vagiriux as well as Ovestin?

[joziel]

It will help to have systemic HRT (patches/gel etc) and it is best for your health long-term to replace estrogen, so probably worth doing for other reasons anyway.

Meanwhile you need to keep taking the Vagirux for a good couple months at least before you feel better. You should definitely get some Ovestin cream for the outside as well. When you use it, try to use a make up mirror turned upwards and squat over that, to be sure you cover everything with the Ovestin(!). Be extra sure to get it in the vestibule - that's the entrance to your vagina - because it's at the entrance where it usually gets sore and the Vagirux may not reach its magic powers all the way down that low very well. I like to use the Vagifem applicator after I've put the Vagifem in - I squeeze Ovestin on the outside of that and then wipe that everywhere down there. Otherwise I end up washing half of it down the sink on my hand.

Keep using the Vagirux every night and the Ovestin morning and night, sparingly - enough to cover everything though. Some time during the day, you can use an oil-based moisturiser like Olive and Bee or YES OB as well.

And then look at the Stress No More website and buy some vaginal dilators in a size you can cope with, approximating your husband's penis size(!). If you use those twice a week you'll be able to monitor how comfortable you are with it, before attempting sex. After all, you don't want to keep attempting it and finding it painful - then you have to either stop him mid-flow(!) or not say anything and be in pain. If you wait till you know you are comfortable with it, because you can comfortably put dilators in and out, then it is much better.

PS - Husband might become interested in what you are doing with dilators and could also become...involved there....!

[Ayesha]

You are not giving yourself time for the VA treatment to take effect, as mentioned before it can take weeks, months to work.
Unfortunately sex would be the last thing on my mind whilst going through the agonies of VA, its totally miserable but with time you will get your life back.

[ElkWarning]

I don't think I have a sex drive any more. I've been married for 32 years. For a while, I really had an issue down there, cat flaps were like sandpaper, lots of burning and itching inside, constantly felt as if I was tissue thin and would tear to shreds any moment. Really horrible. It all felt like such a trial, plus I was putting on weight and tired all the damn time.

I did try HRT for 9 months but developed very high blood pressure, palps, etc., so stopped. The strange thing is that while the HRT seemed to 'fix' the extreme dryness (50 patches, I already had a Mirena), they did nothing for my libido, but the dryness and other symptoms never came back after I stopped - more than 3 years ago now.

It does bother me that I have no libido, and hubs is still a very sexual person. I'm afraid I don't have any answers. I've had to learn not to push him away if he moves in for some affection, like a proper kiss in the kitchen or something, nothing major, he's not pushing himself on me. I'd got to the stage where I didn't even want him near me in case it went anywhere, and then I'd begun to resent him. We eventually talked about it and all he wanted was to be touched. We do ok now with massages (getting a proper massage table was great), sweat lodges (just the two of us), skinny dipping and such. It's like we had to find each others older bodies. Once we'd done that, sex came sort of naturally but differently. I don't get that buzz any more, but I don't know what else to do.

[Nas]

In a similar boat really. To the point where I thought the relationship had died a death.

You need to be physically comfortable to attempt any sexual engagement and that means getting the Va under control. It’s a truly horrid condition and requires the big guns unfortunately. Ovestin, vagifem, oil based lubricants, moisturisers, all daily.

Do you use systemic HRT also, as that can help?

Maybe for now, focus on just touching, holding hands, massage, etc?
Perhaps there are other ‘ things’ you can do together, without having full sex?

Also, rediscover what you like and relay that back to your husband? 

My libido died for a few years. We did zero together. Now it comes and goes, so we make the most of that, with a bit of playing etc. Not ideal but partner is struggling a bit in that area too, so we just muddle along!

[sheila99]

For some libido returns with oestrogen, others (like me) need testosterone. The VA needs sorting first though, there's no bigger turn off than expecting pain.

[Petra]

Thank you Flossieteacake

Petra do you use vagiriux as well as Ovestin?

No. Just Ovestin. (In fact, I hadn't heard of Vagirux till I read your post...not sure it's available in NZ where I live, but I will investigate.)

Ovestin is not the best to, er, use...what with the hard plastic applicator. !!!

[CLKD]

Ovestin can be squeezed onto the finger ;-).  I have no problems with the applicator.

[Petra]

Hmmm, my script is for insertion 'deep into the vagina' hence the applicator. (I'm in NZ.) Reading this thread, I'm wondering if I can find something less...troublesome, like pessaries.