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[Flossieteacake]

Yes I did I told him everything and he promised me he 100% hasn’t done anything wrong he has been working to help pay the debts off. The weekend in Aug is free cos we know the person who owns the cottage and Thailand for Xmas is a club la costa hotel and we have a fraction of a share so we basically only have to pay for three flights and when we move house the credit card debt we have will be paid off and he runs his own IT business so he has his own customers that he does computer work for and earns enough to pay for the flights. I don’t know why he mentioned the renewing of true vows but I hope he means it and wants to cos I’m still unsure but then he talks about it and has even sent emails to enquire so I don’t know all I know is I need some little hope that one he isn’t seeing anyone else and two we can get through this. And really hope we do xxx

I am so glad you were able to confide in your husband. You know him better then anybody and you will know if you can trust him. Maybe things will settle once you can get some of the debts paid off. I really hope so.

[clair.l]

Thanks you and thank you everyone for all the advise been a long few months but hopefully things will get better. I still have doubts and if I get evidence then he will be getting it but if it is all innocent then I will definitely make it up to him. I know we have both been under a lot of stress and he even said we have neglected each other so that’s why we are having the weekend away and he said phones off and just me and him so we will see xxxx

[Flossieteacake]

With not having phones on the weekend away, you will be able to spend some quality time together. I hope you have a lovely break. 

[CLKD]

I would hold hard about renewing the Vows, saving that for a more peaceful time in my Life.  Is there any rush in all honesty?

U still seem to need to 'find him out'.   . Phones locked in safe where you are staying, mayB from the time U arrive until you check out?

Hopefully you can both open new routes for conversations.  Perhaps put 2 hours to one side each week for an update.  Have the outgoing/incoming Bank Statements to hand - we get paper ones as we requested them. 

There is also the wooden spoon method: a completely independent person has the spoon which he/she hands to the person needing to speak.  5 mins with no interruptions other unless the person wants a moment to jot down notes.  A short time out, then the spoon is handed over for responses ........ focusses on the topic in hand. 

[Molly]

hi clair 1,

Im so happy you put your first patch on. it takes a little while to really work so give it some time. Sounds like you have made progress and seem more settled with your husband. All I say is dont ignore your gut instinct, if you do find proof and he is seeing someome else, it dosen't mean your marriage cannot get through this obviously if he is remorseful and it is over with this person. I understand 27 years is a long time, sometimes something like this can be a wake up call and make a marriage stronger.

best of luck with it all xxx

[clair.l]

Thank you I hope so we book the renewal yesterday but he is taking his time making excuses to pay the deposit but we will see he has been at home a lot this week but he said he has to go back to Newcastle Monday but he won’t be staying over again we will see I still have my doubts and I do think something was or still is going on I don’t know but I will follow my instincts and if I find something hopefully it’s not the end but if there has been someone else I don’t think I will be able to trust him again xxxx