Hi all
I'm really at the end of my patience with this menopause stuff. I had hormone implant fitted on Saturday. Site feeling quite sore. I've been feeling so down for ages, no vitality all spark gone. Feel I've aged 10 years in the last 2. Get about 4 hours sleep a night. Hate everyone have no emotions completely joyless tried ADs but made me really poorly (akathisia) have a pain in lower right hand abdomen which has not been diagnosed. No appetite. I keep having blood tests which come back known Gilbert's Syndrome..... I'm so sad every day (depression) hormonal not chemical. I feel on the verge of losing everything my job, relationship it all just takes too much out of me.
Oh dear, that sounds heartbreaking reading.
This reply turned out longer than I intended.
I hope it means something and you can benefit from it.
I can't stand replies which say "I don't know about...", yet, I don't know about hormone implants.
Things seem really rough for you, it does get better.
Feeling like your job and relationship is under threat is a heavy load to bear.
I hope your partner can understand, is he willing to read up on your medical and hormonal issues, to understand?
My ex had temporal lobe epilepsy.
I fancied him, so, to impress him, I read up on it, and it did help me gain an understanding that it is not just minor non convulsive seizures, it's a lot more, and affected his life in a lot of ways, no driving, he loved to drive, just one of the effects.
I googled Gilbert's Syndrome, now I learned something.
I wonder, could that be the reason for the abdominal pain? It doesn't sound a barrel of laughs, - hugs.
I hope they can find a reason for your abdominal pain sooner rather than later, one less thing to bother you.
I keep modifying this post after reading the other ladies replies, it must feel like catch 22 for you with regards to the HRT, and the syndrome doesn't sound nice at all.
Some women, on and off here, benefit from non HRT remedies for menopause, I never, but some do. My sister used homeopathy, I don't see her, so I don't know if it worked, I remember watching a university on TV test it's effectiveness, and it worked, That was years ago.
Many women benefit from many things, and perhaps there are posts on here by women who can't take hrt, and benefit from other remedies.
My progesterone is cross tolerant to my valium, meaning, unlike non valium dependent women who can come off progesterone, us valium dependents get addicted to the progesterone ,and some of them over at benzobuddies, a support site for valium dependent women, have had a real kick up the pants coming off the progesterone.
Part of me wishes I hadn't started HRT and educated myself on this cross tolerance between benzodiazepines and progesterone, yet another part of me had such crazy unbearable hot flushes etc, that I am glad I went on to HRT as I don't know how I would have coped with the crazy mad flushes I used to get,.
I now have a plan to wean off the progesterone, when I have weaned off the Valium, as I want to be drug and hormone free.
I don't like being dependent on pharmacies, they are not nice places to go to.
I am of the impression, the vast majority of women have bearable perimenopauses, and menopauses, yet there are those of us, who have had difficulties, like yourself.
It does get better, I promise.
I thought mine was valium withdrawal when it first started, as I came off it suddenly, I was not addicted to it at the time, the "withdrawal symptoms from valium" were actually the start of peri menopause.
Both are similar, according to women who have been dependent on valium and who have gone through, or are going through menopause.
I'm not clear if it's the implant that is causing the trouble.
If so, can you seek alternative ways of dealing with it, patches, pills, natural remedies, all sorts work for different women, we are so individual.
I settled on patches, and micronised progesterone capsules, I had to tweak a bit at first, it was hard to get a doctor to prescribe what I needed, one even put me on mebeverine, as my peri upset my stomach, the mebeverine gave me heartburn. The cause of upset stomach was not enough oestrogen. Upping the oestrogen sorted out the upset stomach.
Those flushes, blimey! I felt like I had a heating element inside of me, the heat only affected the top of my body, soaked bras, the lower part was fine.
The anxiety and depression, blimey, I think my non hormonal, and non medical problems were worse, I still do.
I wonder how much of my problems are actual-factual, as I can smell them, (property stuff) or are they not as bad as I think, and it's just my hormones?
I am not on enough oestrogen, I get night sweats, and need a fan, they're manageable, my IBS returned, could be hormones, I hope so, save me going for colonoscopy.
I had to reduce the massive amount of oestrogen I was on, as I got bleeds, and the doctors kept reducing it until the bleeds went. I have fibroids too, which give me no bother.
I got diagnosed Asperger's at the age of 54, now I know why life made no sense to me.
That can bring anxiety too, we obsess and fixate.
Depression kills my appetite.
I lay in bed several days at a time, getting up at teatime or early evening, missing the lovely sunshine.
I don't know if it's legal/financial/property possible liabilities and a recent relationship breakup, or hormones.
If it's lack of oestrogen, at least it explains my depression, and the other problems' severity are not actual-factually as bad as I a assuming, I can say "Aw it's hormones", but I am not sure.
People's views on Antidepressants are varied, some are pro-AD.
I am not, yet everyone is entitled to their opinion.
The best antidepressant I tried is MDMA, hahahaha, not a good idea though.
It worked while it was active, then it wore off, and the legal system are not too keen on it's use, so it's a no-no.
To me, if AD's were that effective, I wouldn't have felt the need to take MDMA to give me the clarity, insight and realisations I did not have while growing up, and felt lost in the world.
It's toxic though, black market, no-no.
I tried prozac - didn't work.
Effexor - came of it after a week, didn't give it a chance, I know people have horrible withdrawals from it though.
Trazodone - helped me sleep, after waking up too early, with cortisol rush, yet worse cortisol rush after 2nd phase sleep meant waking up with worse cortisol rush, and didn't stop me being "accosted" by anxious thoughts flying into my mind when half asleep. It also gave me triangular silver and black vision-obstructing "C" shapes, which I later found were migraines auras, thank God I didn't get the migraine headaches with it.
Quetiapine for anxiety, fluid retention in feet and ankles, which made walking painful of an evening.
I do take promethazine PRN, which helps me sleep, I hope not to need it as soon as possible though, as it has a hangover, and I fall to temptation to "sleep it off" wasting the day in bed, rather than being sluggish from the hangover.
Regarding AD's, have your emotions flattened since using them? I heard they can do this.
All drugs are toxic, herbs are ok, but again, we have to be careful what we take, as they act on brain receptors.
I find ashwagandha helpful for those cortisol rushes, that not-so-kindly wake me up in the morning, too early when I am tired.
It took quite a few weeks to kick in, but when it did, I got better sleep and bang went the unpleasant cortisol rushes, as excess cortisol is not good, - I wouldn't like that as a drug, LOL.
My belief that my non-hormonal, non-medical problems are actually-factually as bad as I fear, made me turn to illicit valium a few years ago.
Thankfully, my psychatrist is currently helping me wean off it safely, and I am chuffed at how much I have reduced, and look forward to zero dose.
Isn't it odd how we wake up after 4hrs
still tired? (Ashwagandha stopped that malarkey)
I used to wake, take my 12hrly valium dose, fall back to sleep, and the second phase sleep made me wake up more anxious.
Naps are a no-no, I get anxious waking from them.
It was, either wake up tired, have breakfast with the owls, or take the valium, and go back to sleep to be greeted by good old cortisol in the morning, until the ashwagandha kicked in.
I'm one of these women who can get quite big, size 18 once, but quite curvy and ok, yet stress and depression can make me shed weight too fast and I went down to 7st and into size 10, not a good look in my fifties, when I stand 5ft 4inches.
Thankfully I am a more sensible weight now, just over 11st, could do with a stone or two extra, but still, depression robs me of my appetite, and makes eating a chore.
I know how you feel with lack of vitality and spark.
I have a good singing voice, and love it, plus a good dance to YouTube and headphones, yet depression makes for flat singing, I just can't get into it.
Also, I need to find a way to get up when I wake up, and find some enthusiasm.
I love art, yet I have this "What's the point" feeling, because of financial/legal.... problems, or, are they not so bad, and the lack of oestrogen is the real reason?
I have to live with the lack of oestrogen, as I don't want to be back and forth to the hospital with bleeds and hysteroscopies.
One last thing, if you get ashwagandha, get the KSM-66 stuff, and bear with it, it takes quite a few weeks to kick in, if your doctor agrees, as I do not know how it will go with the Gilbert's syndrome, having only heard of the syndrome, when reading this thread.
I think you're supposed to have breaks fro it, I haven't, as I would rather not have the cortisol rushes.
I mean, I know cortisol is needed to wake us up, and alert us physically, to dangers, but, excess cortisol is really not exactly fun.
I hope you got something out of this post, even a little positive thing, and I hope it helps you feel less alone.
