The Dr. Goldner stuff was interesting, but not sure I'd be able to manage a mostly raw food diet in the North of Scotland where I live! Thanks for the info though, we already grow a ton of kale so I'll try increasing my intake of that just in case.
My blood tests to check if there was any organ damage have come back normal which is such a massive relief, but I'm desparate for my referral to rheumatology to come through. Due to the bank holiday, today is only the 5th working day since the GP referred me, so I know it's too soon to hear anything yet, but waiting is so hard.
Everything flared up when I started HRT 2 months ago and I'm due my HRT review, but because the lupus diagnosis is still to be formalised, it's quite hard to decide what to do. HRT has made a massive improvement to my hot flushes, and initially my anxiety felt like it had totally lifted, but over the past month everything has been downhill. I keep trying to find info about HRT and auto immune conditions but it seems that it needs to be assessed on an individual basis with some people tollerating it better than others. For the time being it's been agreed that I should stick to 25mcg estradot patch, alongside the mirena coil.
My mood is so low just now. I want to try to avoid anti-depressants as it feels like bringing something else into the mix before we've bottomed out what's going on with my health. I also have IBS which has been quite bad recently, and is another reason why I'm nervous about anti depressants - my sister is on sertraline and it made her feel really rough initially - I can't cope with more symptoms. At my last appointment with mental health services I was so happy and upbeat, feeling like my old self again and capable of doing stuff, but now I'm at my lowest ebb.
I'm so tired, but struggling to sleep. I've worked through all sorts of CBT exercises which help during the day, but not at 0230. My mindfull self compassion meditation is also really hard just now. Instead of acknowledging that there is suffering and being kind and understanding to myself whilst I get through things, I just keep getting stuck thinking about how much worse suffering there is in the world right now and how self centred I'm being (which is basically the opposite of what the practice is supposed to do). I think I need to muster the enthusiasm to work back through my notes, and get back on track with it.
My sister is coming to visit tomorrow for a few days, and I've no idea how I'm going to get through it. She desparately needs a break, not me being a snivelling wreck with no energy to do anything. Dad died last year and we've been clearing his house - the last of the sentimental items I'm going to keep were delivered yesterday (everyone seems to work on the bank holidays these days), so I know that this is upsetting me (on top of dealing with solicitors and conveyancers and estate agents, as we're in the process of selling his bungalow), but it also makes me feel so weak and useless.
I just need to get through the next week and then hopefully things will be a bit brighter. If I haven't heard from Rheumatology by then I'll try to get an appointment with the GP. Sorry for the vent - I do feel a bit better for articulating things. If anyone has any thoughts on whether or not I should stick with the HRT, or of any resources I should look at, it would be really appreciated.
