Hiya, so many people sharing here ... And I have all the feels for you.
Slightly different take from me: I don't take daily meds. I've tried them in the past, but for all the reasons you identify, I just couldn't manage them. That said, I also can't take propranolol (asthmatic) and I'm only able to take Diazepam for a max of three weeks, so there wasn't really anything to get me sufficiently over the hump. I should also mention, Diazepam for me in a crisis phase is 30mgs (3 x 10mgs) daily or swallowing them like sweeties up to 80mgs daily - even then, they don't always prove to be successful. In some ways, I'm lucky to have this treatment regime already established, so no arguing with the doctor, because we both know from previous experience what works for me.
Anyway, it's a hard trot unmedicated, not always super stable or predictable. It's taken me a very long time - years and years - to 'punch through' my anxiety and depression, and I wouldn't wish the route I had to take on my worst enemy. It wasn't helped because my anxiety and depression were being driven by OCD arising from autism (both undiagnosed until relatively recently). Point being, if I'd had the option to take a pill that might have helped, along with another pill until the effects of the first pill were manageable, I'd have jumped at that chance. Most likely, I would've seen much quicker results and been able to re-establish my life on the even keel I wanted. The alternative, which is what I've done, is a really difficult path to follow, and I completely refuse to accept the idea that mindfulness, yoga, a plant based diet, blah blah, would've made the difference I needed them to make when I was clinging on for dear life and going to hell in a handcart. Mind you, they're quite useful now things are more stable for me.
Best of luck, and dead sorry you're going through this.
EK