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[KarineT]

Does this hormonal change make us think more about negative experience from the past? Although I try my best not to think about them, they keep coming back. Do you have the same experience?

[racjen]

I do, but it has to be said I've had a lot of mental health problems over the last few years and I think my experience of menopause has been more extreme than most. But yes, I sometimes get into a frame of mind where I just can't stop the negative memories flooding in, and dwelling on them in an unhelpful way. I don't know if this is a feature of menopause or more to do with my own state of mind.....

[Taz2]

I think this is a symptom of anxiety which is not always related to menopause. Getting older and hormone changes can make negative thoughts worse I think.

Taz x

[CLKD]

I have flashbacks.  Mainly issues when I may have hurt someone but didn't realise at the time, now I can't say 'sorry'.  Over 40 years ago and some issues haunt me, at night. I can push them away in the day  . Nowt to do with menopause in my case.

[KarineT]

Thanks for your input.

I have to say, I was brought up by an alcoholic mother and grandmother and I had a terrible childhood.  I've never heard my mum say anything positive about life. She would always complain about things i
general.  Plus with her alcohol problem she really couldn't care less about me and my siblings.  This could be the reason why I have negative thoughts coming back.  I think they get embedded in the mind and it's probably made worst by the menopause.

[CLKD]

Talking therapy helped me a lot - intermittently for 3-4 years in the 1990s.  Vent.  Vent. Vent.

[JeanGenie]

Hi KarineT......I can relate to that and I'm so sorry you're experiencing  these worrying thoughts. In my case it was an alcoholic father that made my childhood so awful. Looking back I can see I was in a very bad place in my late teens/early twenties.....consequently leading me to be married twice...divorced twice...by the age of 36. Both ex husbands were alcoholic. Maybe it was coincidental but it wasn't until I hit menopause....earlyish at around 44 that I also began to think about/relive the past. I realised that any meaningful relationship i'd ever had was with either a heavy drinker or alcoholic. What helped me was a combination of Al Anon ( for families of alcoholics) and as CKLD says talking therapies. I took time out from dating/relationships....actually ten years.....and really worked on myself with the help of talking therapies. It's hard I know...when you seem flooded with had memories...but I'd really encourage you to find a safe place to talk/vent.

Jean x

[Lyncola]

I found my first year of menopause being negative. Past problems came back to me (molested as a child). It made me angry and blame my parents for not being there for me. Then I just moved on? I think it was the hormones that brought it all back

[Harmony]

I'm so sorry that you had such an awful childhood, and that it's still making life difficult. I'm sure it's more than just hormones, though they probably add to it. I think our psyches need to deal with these awful things that happened to us as children, and middle age is the time that it can happen, even more so if the memories have been pushed down for many years, or not fully explored. It's a time in life when we consolidate our experiences, and think deeply about life, and try to come to terms with what's happened to us, and who we really are - though I'm obviously not saying everyone does this. I haven't read it, but there's a book called "The Wisdom of Menopause", which kind of sums up what I'm saying. I've had counselling several times, but it's a lifetimes work to overcome terrible childhoods, I still have a long way to go, and I started trying to find ways to cope with mine in my early 30's with therapy and reading. Unfortunately it needs to be explored if we want to help lessen it's effects on us in the here and now and in the future, with an experienced, wise, supportive therapist. I've found older therapists to be more helpful than younger ones. I'm currently regularly talking to a wonderful friend about it who's done a lot of work on herself, and has read a huge amount about it all. Talking to her is actually more helpful than any therapist I've seen. I'll be eternally grateful to her.

I've just joined a brilliant Facebook group called "Childhood Emotional Neglect Survivors Support Group", and I'm finding it incredibly helpful. People on there are so wise, kind and supportive. It's wonderful to be able to chat to others who deal with the same or similar very difficult feelings, including the inner loneliness that has been such a difficult feature of my life. It's emotional loneliness, which is different from being lonely due to not spending much time with other people, though that's equally a problem for me, due to being too tired and unwell with ME to socialise much. 🙁

[CLKD]

    for the info about the support group.

[Jasmine20]

I'm so sorry to read about the really traumatic upbringings outlined in this thread and to me it makes so much sense that the menopause brings much of this back to the surface.

Dr Jennifer Gunter recently posted about the correlation between Adverse Childhood Experiences - such as the trauma of having an alcoholic parent - and having a more challenging menopause:
https://vajenda.substack.com/p/why-do-some-women-have-severe-symptoms

ACEs also increase the likelihood of autoimmune diseases and chronic pain amongst other health issues - and obviously depression and anxiety too.

Donna Jackson Nakazawa wrote about this in 'The Last Best Cure' and 'Childhood Disrupted: How your Biography becomes your Biology'.

[CLKD]

There's a lot of us out there then. 

[Jasmine20]

That's interesting Avalon. I've just googled that psychiatrist and she was recently interviewed by the Guardian newspaper here in the UK.

Best of luck on your healing path - not easy I know.

[menomope]

Thank you for this thread Karine T
There is much comfort in knowing there are others who have trouble with past, negative experiences. Especially childhood trauma.
My mother was emotionally abusive to me. I think we become mere survivors.
 I did hit a wall when I reached menopause when I had trouble digesting the past and I became more anxious.