When I was 5 or 6: I must have been at School which I hated: I had a birthday invitation for a Friday evening at a posh hotel. I told the neighbour and Mum over heard me: "No one has a party on a Friday it's always a Sat." Dad and I set off in his Austin 7 on the Sat. , me in a white frilly dress with thick pink sash, white ankle socks and shoes. Got to the Hotel and it was oh, so quiet
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. The party had been on the Friday evening. When we got home Mum had the excuse "I put the invitation into the fire after you had gone". Did she know? Did she read the card and realise ....... I will never 4give her. That incidence gave me a dread of ever being 'wrong' for an appt., so I check, double check etc.
I can't remember whether Dad was angry at her. She never said 'sorry'.
I did get invited to the girl's house, but that was an ordeal. I remember the house being very dark, we had a small party but they made more fuss of me than of S. To ease my disappointment I was taken to the stables to pat their horses ........... again the stable was very dark .........
I've lived in the moment since very young so have very little recall 4 events. I can enjoy myself but not even remember much the following morning. So taking me anywhere is a bit of a waste of time, mostly due to fighting anxiety.
Many issues during growing up are hidden - due to keeping my head well down when adults argued etc.. Survival means that I am quite introverted to others' feelings, particularly when growing up. I probably hurt others a great deal when I walked away from situations, i.e. not telling a boyfriend that it was over ......... not keeping my promise to a girl friend between Primary and 2ndary School. 4 over 30 years I forgot, now these events haunt me because I can't say 'sorry'
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Sports Day - in the school that I hated. Mum told me to wait at the gate and not get onto the bus so I did. She had pushed my sister in the pram the 2.5 miles to watch, I hadn't noticed that she had left early. Apparently my sister was quite poorly so must have been about 18-19 months old. I stood. Waited. Stood ...... no Mum with pram. I can't remember how I got home, ? did Dad collect me later ? - she hadn't thought to tell a teacher about the alterations: and she being a teacher
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My sister did survive.
She allowed my sister to bully me. I do a lot of crosswords and to continue with the grid, I peep at the answers. My sister would go and tell "X is cheating" and instead of giving her a flea in her ear, Mum would tell me to 'stop cheating'. If there was a row "You are the oldest, you should know better!" ........
Bugga .....